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I need advice and help nobody to talk to.
July 13, 2014
5:43 pm
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July 13, 2014
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My name is Jeff I'm 29 years old, have been married 9 years and have 4 beautiful children together.
Now, the question at heart, can my marriage be saved?
I'm going to start off by saying that this woman is my world, and I love her to death.
So here's my story: we knew each other for 6 months before being married, we moved in together for 2 weeks then got married, really fast, but was planed. We both knew we were the ones we wanted to spend the rest of our life's with. Love at first sight!
We got pregnant a few months after marriage, so we never really got a lot of time together without children. Our first year was tough, but it was just hormones, and we were both truly happy. We always had arguments and fights, nothing out of the ordinary, and always worked through it together. Now skip forward to 2013, 4 kids later. She says those years were the worst of her life, that I was always crabby and yelling. I can see that, but there was always happiness. Of course I see things differently. Now here are some things that I know and she will admit, she has had Facebook for 5 years now, and ever since, we lost closeness. Every night after bed for the kids time was wasted away on Facebook. I always tried being close, and in turn pushed to be, and when I did, she pushed me away. Now back to 2013. We just bought a house, and everything was going well, so I thought. Well after a few weeks of living in it I found her looking at her exes profile on fb. At first, I thought nothing, then decided to take a look, well in the activity log it was a few times a day for a few months. Well I know there was no contact, and no cheating. She never left the house. And I trust 100% what she told me. Well it caused a lot of problems, I lost some trust, so she got rid of fb on her own. Re registered a few months later. Well after that, she wanted to throw in the towel, told me how unhappy she was, and was wondering what life would been like with him. I promised her I would change, be more patient, less of a slob, and spend more time with our kids. I became a completely different person, I changed into everything she always said she wanted to be. We both agreed to try for 1 year, and if nothing changed and she still was unhappy, we would walk away friends.
We started to go to church, all was excellent, she told me how happy she was agian, and that she has fallen back in love with me. Now we are at the 8 month mark, and it's been the best our relationship has been in 9 years. We are at Mother's Day this year, and I get her a hotel room for the night, to relax for the night. Me and the kids came swimming, then went home. 1 hour later she was home crying in my arms, saying I couldn't be away from you, I just want to be at home with you and the kids. Now, 1 week later, she drops a bomb on me. And this out of no where. Were pool side at home, she looks at me, and says I'm done. Out of no where!!!! Says she faked the last 8 months, and felt nothing. What gives, I have no clue. She doesn't love me and is not in love with me. She won't talk to me about it, and I tried, and she is pushing me away. Things bad, I leave for a week to give her space, she wanted me to. I ask if I can come back, she agrees. I come home, I don't push her, every thing is alright, we are pool side agian, this is about a month later. and blows up, not talking about anything, and tells me stop acting like everything is ok. I'm not I tell her, I'm just not trying to push you.. She storms in the house, and it's done, no talking about it, just left it alone.
A few days go by and I tell her we need to talk about this. Kids are in the pool, and we go in the grass, she's in my arms, and tells me she is depressed, unhappy with her life, she is as nothing but mom. She needs to "find her self". She is in distress. Crying telling me I love you. Then she tells me a year ago when I was looking at my ex, it's because she has no closure. He asked her to marry him, news to me, and she caught him cheating the day before. I tell her I'm sorry, and her closure is he cheated, it could have been after kids and marriage. That's your closure. All is ok for a few days, we ingaged in relation over that course of a couple days. I love you was said multiple times a day.
Now a few days after that I was at work, texting asking about the kids. And end the convo with I love you. She tells me I'm not saying that anymore, I don't love you, I'm not in love.
Now here we are. We got along the entire time, I love you was exchanged once or twice. We had a fourth party, all was ok, getting along. Well since that party I've been pushing her, what are we going to do, I want to work this out. Well now there is so so much anger from her. If I bring it up, she gets so angry, anger I have never seen before. Says she doesn't want to try anymore, and that' she's misurable with me. She's done. And everything I do or say she gets angry about, has been yelling constantly.
I get from her, from little things, that she still loves me. And I see it as she won't go anywhere, so there might be a little bit of try left. All I know is I can't push her anymore. And I'm not.
Is it over? What do I say, or do? Do I just let time heal and leave her alone? Do I give up and leave.
I don't see it in her heart that she wants out, but it seems her mind is made up.
Thanks for the help, and sorry for the long read.
I guess I should add this too. We never really had a chance to have baby sitters, and have been on 4 or 5 dates in 4 years. And one of those we just stayed home and ate dinner together. She will admit, that she is bored. Never really had friends with kids either to spend time with. Now she found some friends and has been close for about 6 months. That's who our 4th party was for. Second time I met them and their husbands. I show interest in them to, but it's hard to get together when between us all there is 20+ kids.
And she is turning 30 in the next few months. Maybe a midlife crises?

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