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I don't know if my husband regrets our marriage or not
February 26, 2014
10:45 pm
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mdb678
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February 26, 2014
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I’m not sure what to think, so I need views from other
people. I’ll try to make this as short as possible…

I am in my 2nd marriage. He will be 25 this year,
and I will be 23. I have a 3 year old son from my first marriage. We’ve been
together for almost 2 years now, and married for a little over 6 months. Yes,
we got married pretty quickly. In the beginning, I’d say it was really me who
pushed for the engagement. But after we had to be apart for a few months
because of his job, he was the one who pushed for the marriage. He just missed
me, and really wanted to be married. I said ok.

We had never truly been on our ‘own’ before this. We always
had a roommate until recently. Not because of us struggling financially, but
because our roommate was; his mom for a year, and then my friend for 8 months.
This is was the first time we have been completely by ourselves. Anyway, for a
while there had been some fighting – nothing violent, no name calling…just a
lot of bickering. It was starting to wear on us.

I have been doing my very best to prevent any more fights. I
am naturally quick tongued when I feel I am right. I have really bitten down my
pride and not argued over petty things, and it has helped a lot. Things have
been a lot better with the fighting lately. He seems happier, and I am too.
But, my husband said something tonight that really shook me, and it makes me
wonder what he’s actually thinking about.

He mentioned that sometimes he wonders what it would have
been like if I hadn’t had my son before I married him. He talked about we would
have nights to go out and really be able to party. Not all the time, of course,
but we would have undoubtedly had more freedom if I hadn’t already had a child.
But of course, being a momma, this hurt me. That’s my baby, and I couldn’t
imagine my life without him. And, really, being able to go out and have a hard
night of partying isn’t because of my son. He goes to see his bio-dad every
other weekend, so we always have that time. My husband works the graveyard
shift at the prison, so of course he can’t go out and party on a Friday night
when he has to be at work by midnight.

Part of me feels like it is my fault he started feeling this
way. My shift is a 2-10 pm, and so in the evening time my son is home with my
husband practically every day. As I said before, he works the midnight shift,
so he sleeps during the day when my son is at daycare and by the time he wakes
up, I’m already gone for work and he has to watch Anthony. I can understand why
he may feel like he never gets out, but what else can I do? I can’t control the
fact that I work a certain time period.

After a while, I had asked him if he enjoyed being married.
He paused for a long time in thought, and just that silence alone just crushed
me. He said he knew he wanted to marry me, but if he could change time, he
would have had us live alone for a while before getting married. To me, that
was like saying he really wished he had taking me for a ‘test-drive’ before
making a decision. After he said that, he saw the look on my face and knew I
was upset.

I just tried to shrug it off and say it was what it is, but
he held me and said he was sorry for hurting me and that he doesn’t regret anything.
But, I wasn’t convinced. It feels like just when things are becoming ok again,
something happens that shakes me deeply to my core. Am I just being overly
sensitive to his words? Or should I be worried about what he is saying? I don’t
know. I don’t know how I should feel. FrownI guess my worry is if he regrets marrying this pre-made
family. 

March 12, 2014
9:44 pm
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ShiningLight
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Forum Posts: 572
Member Since:
February 9, 2011
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If you think you have marriage issues, try to consult a marriage counselor. Tha way, you would be able to figure your problems with each other as husband and wife. Trust is really important in marriage so you need to start there.

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