My husband is a diagnosed pornography addict. He has been for years. We have know. Each other 11 married 6 and it has always been present -
He would just get better at hiding it. Pivotal moments:
- he risked his career for it
- he repeatedly risks our marriage (and child) for it
- we have not been intimate in 5 years
I recently hit my limit - it goes or we go (he needs to leave). I moved him to the guest room, I gave him clear “demands” and deadlines for seeking help. We are at a counselor, this is our 3rd go at this. I truly thought he understood how much his addiction has effected me in my self esteem, wifely worth and general marital happiness.
He honestly just doesn’t seem to want it. He just told me after me demanding to know what his foul mood was about and refusing to let it go that he was 2 weeks sober and lapsed......now mind you all of the above happens 4 months ago.....so her I sit thinking he has been working on it and abstaining and he tells me he has actually only been 2 weeks sober and he relapsed!!?!?!
I am unhappy, I love him, he is my best friend but it really feels like friendship is all that is left.....I am really trying to shelve HIS crap and try to focus on me — what do I want? Do I want to save the marriage? What about our son - dont I owe it to him? I want to feel like a beautiful, worthy and desired woman again, I just don’t see it happening with him at this point - there are too many betrayals and trust violations. The mental toll this has all had on me is just beyond what I feel can be turned around.
So lost.....