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Getting over husband's sexual past
July 14, 2014
5:25 pm
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want_to_trust
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July 14, 2014
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I have been married three years and deeply in love with my husband. We have an amazing connection and our marriage works well, we're very passionate. The problem I can't seem to get past is his sexual past. He has been very honest about the fact he "went crazy" and slept with a LOT of girls after the break down of his first serious relationship (5 years and the mother of his daughter) - he slept with 50+ women. I can sort of make my peace with this, the issue I am having trouble with is the 4 trips to red light areas in Thailand, where he slept with 20+ bar girls AKA prostitutes. He was single, and it's in the past, he was young and the ego boost and fun of doing something "naughty" must have been a thrill - I get it. I also get that he didn't have to be so honest with me, and we all have our pasts. We went on holiday to Thailand recently (my idea - I've never been) and while we had an amazing, romantic time, I found it so so hard to see those girls, dancing round poles and it made it so real. Like, these are the ones he used to buy drinks for, pay bar fines, take out, take home.... he says he always used protection and it was something he needed to get out of his system. When we were there he had eyes only for me and couldn't have been more loving and sweet. Now we're back, I think about those times constantly, with a sick and anxious feeling in my stomach. I can't seem to get past it. I wish I'd known all this before we were married, I don't think I would have married him. But now we're three years in with a baby, happy and in love. I feel he's the one, but every time I think of this, which is every few minutes, my stomach turns. I honestly want to get past this, but don't know how. Can anyone give me any advice on dealing with a spouse's sexual past? I have no reason to believe he's cheating, yet I know he's an attractive and very sexual man. Our intimate life couldn't be better, it's always been very good - I'm not sure why I feel so insecure about it. Only... while we were there in those bars, pretty, half nakes girls draped eveyrwhere, smiling, winking, flirting, I thought, "god this is so easy for men to have multiple beautiful hot girls every night, why would he want a wife?" am I crazy? I don't know who to turn to and just need some advice. Sorry for long post. Cry

July 15, 2014
2:35 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I suppose every wife thinks about her husband sometimes  & wonders if he has secretly cheated on her.  I am happy that your husband was honest with you about it, but I can understand that the reality of what he did is really hard to accept.  You said that in the current moment your marriage is solid & that basically you guys have few problems.  Try not to think about what happened in the past & realize that hopefully if he goes back to cheating he tells you about it.  Also, it's a little late, but maybe he should not have been giving you so many visual details.  I am sorry that you need to remember something he decided to do.  I hope he treats you with respect now & give yourself time with this.  All I can say is  that at least he felt that he could tell you about it instead of what most cheaters do.  Most people that cheat on their spouses do not confess until they are caught.  Cheating should in a perfect world never happen, but as with all vices the lure & seduction is always there.  If I was married, I would be upset if my husband cheated, but if he told me about it & it was just a one time deal & he treated me with respect and we still had the passion in our marriage, It would hurt but not nearly as much if he tried to conceal it & I found out from a different source.

 

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