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Feel cheated by wife
July 28, 2011
12:44 pm
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Raju
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July 28, 2011
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1. My wife cheated, lied to me, 
2. my in-laws cheated me. 
I am highly qualified engg, working with a reputed MNC in Reaseach & Development Dept. I believe in tradition. I had an arrange marriage. I met my wife 2 times before marriage just for 5 min each. After meeting her 2nd time, i had taken her alone i a room of her house & asked "do you have anything to tell me?" even i had given my mob number to her saying "you tell me anything if you have..", she once called me & asked "how are you" before finalizing my marriage. After marriage after 2 days, i discovered hugh number of skin spots on her body which i ignored thinking it can be curable but looking at those spots she started crying & asked me to adjust. As she is studying she left to her college after 3 days of marriage & met me again a after 3 months. I took her to very experienced skin specialist having 35 yrs experience thinking to cure her with sophisticated technology, within 2 min doctor told it a "incurable skin disease caused due type of cancerous nervous disease". These spots on skin occur at time of age after birth till 10 years. whatever doctor told symptoms she agreed. But still i didnt gave up I researched lot & lot on internet about the disease & i had worst nightmare in my life. There is no cure/medicines on that disease. worst thing is it occurs to childrens also. Thus my wife & her sister have "genitical gift" from her "mother". We had asked what has happened to her mother which her father told very wrong thing (he lied about the exact disease to her mother). My parents are ailing with old age & believed & so i believed that disease is not ask anything later. My wife hide her spots on body while i saw her two times. First time i saw with my friend, second time with my father & mother. As she is also engg & doing her PG in big college, i thought she will tell me anything which will matter in our future life, also i didnt want to make my image as suspicious husband i had asked twice "open ended question".. once alone in a room with her & one more time on phone when she called me "Do you have anything to say to me?" she never told me @ disease or disclosed it. Now for this girl i left so many good offers from my relatives & even from big families of my city. I never expected anything from her or her family. I looked her parents are highly educated, as her father is retired principal, i never suspected. Now i feel cheated, i am victim, i have been betrayed with a person with whom i am supposed to live my life for next 50 years, whom i have to grow my family, i myself i am fair she is wheatish still i never cared about that, but this "disease" is what is mattering me a lot now. Wish she had told me earlier or her parents had told me what exactly her mother has.. i would had definately taken some good decision. Now after research about the disease i have concluded that she will give gift to my childrens, grandchildrens & so on also, my childrens will also suffer the same. My dream about life is shattered & broken. I am not telling to any of friends/ collegues / relatives/parents since it will become a matter of laugh of me. I am not having sleep, not able to work at office, i have been highly disturbed. i am having chest pain & cannot stop thinking about the same. i tried to be good to my wife, i tried to hide my depression thinking at last she is also a human, but when i talk to her on phone, i feel she has lied to me, cheated me, fraud me, still i try control myself & not saying anything. I see my friend married almost at same time how they are happy, caring & i see myself as destructed life.
I trusted god & god has given me a return.. Cheating In-law Father Cheating in-law mother, fraud relatives, In my life i never hurt anyone, nor i wish to, i do not have any habits(smoking, drinking), never fight with anyone, never cheat anyone, care about my friends do help to them & highly adjustable with anyone(children or same age or old age people). I am already done with doing my duty for my ailing father & mother. I cannot do anything as i do not have any energy left to my wife or my childrens (also i cannot cheat anyone the way my In-law father did to me), as i have already wasted my bandwidth for my parents & my company which i work for.. i left so many onsite opportunities just to take care of my parents..
I have bitter feeling of cheating & i have stopped calling my wife as she is away for studying... she only calls me but i feel more & more feeling of cheating..
is this what world gives a good person ? I am having hugh depression. What should i do? How should i trust my wife as she has already lost her credibility, she has breached my trust? it's just start of my life & i am struggling so hard..Cry

July 28, 2011
10:49 pm
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ShiningLight
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Raju,

 

I understand how you feel rigt now since you are trying to be just an ideal husband to your wife and wanted everything to be settled. I might suggest that instead of asking your wife an open-ended question, maybe try to be frank with her and tell her everything that you found out yourself and then that's the time you ask her why she needs to hide the truth about her disease. Try to consider things like maybe she's emotionally and physicall not ready to tell the truth about her real condition. You also need to consider that your wife might be ten times more depressed than you for having that kind of disease. Come to think of it?. As her husband, what she needs right now is your support, unconditional love and deep understanding. More than anyone else, you are the most capable person that can only show those things to your wife. Instead of feeling you are betrayed and cheated, find ways to have a more comfortable encounter with your wife and her family. Communication is still the best key. Also, Relationship or Family Counseling might help you and your wife enhance and strengthen your bond together.

 

Regarding your wife's disease, if there's no cure then maybe there are medications that can help lessen the symptoms or that can slowly heal the ilness.

 

Keep posting. Wishing you well. Smile

August 2, 2011
8:06 am
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Raju
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Hi again,

My wife is studying & she stays at her home which is 600 km away. She stayed with me only for 2 days after marriage & she left for her studies. I have strong feeling that she has cheated me by not disclosing her disease. I cannot bear every morning i see first the face of a cheater. I am not feeling to talk with her on phone neither i am willing to meet/see her. More the time passes more is i am feeling pissed off.. She is doing her master in technology after completing bachelor of engineer last year... still such educated person does cheating.. I cannot believe myself that i got myself in such nightmare situation. She has breached my trust & no more eligible for trust. I cannot carry her disease with my life, neither i want her to carry it to my childrens (as her father did by having childrens from her mother who has same genetic disease). I am thinking I should live my life alone rather than staying with such cheat person. If something would had happened after my marriage i would had happily accepted & given her support, love & understanding. But with cheating & becoming my wife & expecting support, love & understanding is unacceptable to my mind & my soul. I dont want my life to be forcefully & unwillingly continue with such cheater as my wife. Thats not my fate. If she has disclosed before marriage then probably i would had definately married with different person as i had lot of other options. I am at my height early adulthood & i got cheated so badly by my wife & in-laws. 

This is what world gives to good person!!

August 2, 2011
11:37 pm
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ShiningLight
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Raju,

 

It seems that you are already full of hatred and disappointments with your wife and how is the relationship going on between the both of you. Married life is not as easy as 123 for it is a vow that both of you committed to it and promised to love each other till death do you part. If there's anything you'd like to save for that marriage then you should both work on it as partners. You may need to double your efforts and actions to convince your wife about settling things between the two of you as you are the husband and the provider and you should have more patience and adjustment stage than anyone else in your relationship. Keep trying for as long as you believe that it's still going to work and there's still a chance for your marriage to grow. Ask yoursef this question, how much do you love your wife? and what can you do for her in the name of love?

 

Continue to ask advises and support from your counselor as they can really help you out.

 

Hoping for the best.

August 6, 2011
6:18 am
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Raju
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Hi,

I tried a lot to start love my wife again, but still there is a very strong feeling of cheating. I am not able to digest her cheating. My feeling towards her is that she & in-laws have supported from laws where female is considered as weaker sex & given full rights to utilise these laws without proof even she & in-laws are guilty & i cannot get justice as per laws. This is how she & her family has overpowered me & feel very safe.

I asked myself the same question

1. how much i live my wife.. my inner soul is not ready to accept her as my wife, I feel she is burden on me which i do not want to carry forever in my life.

2. What can I do for her in name of love.. she has cheated me & became my wife, thus i have lost the faith in word of "love" & "god" & "laws of ctyr".

She has severe skin disease & tumors which is growing gradually over the period of time. When she met me she had underwent superficial make-up so as to hide her patches on body. If there was any medicine available in any part of this world then I am ready to take her there & perform her medication. I have sympathy towards her as part of her disease, but if i have children then it will definately come to my childrens as well as she has carried gift from her mother & grand-father. I am furious over the advantage they took as part of laws & i cannot get justice & fear of loosing family status, prestige, credibilty in society & make fun of myself in society.

In last 6 months i have seen her only 1 days forcibly from familiy.. can some-one image newly married couple in which husband is not even willing to see wife face, not willing to speak with her for 1 min on phone in a month. Also whenever i speak with her i loose my control over myself & start blaming her for her deeds & forceful becoming wife.

My ethics is not ready to leave her as part of humanity on the other hand she has blown the meaning of "life, wife, marriage".

Still i believe i will keep on trying my best, but i want to justice from deeds of the in-laws.

Its my high time of my carrier & earning money for my future. If i fight now in court then definately i will regret for myself in my future or my deeds. I am loosing my adult life & fun in life due to my false trust a foolish girl and this was what god wrote in my fate. God wrote only suffering for me from ill-health parents, foolish brother & sister-in-law, worst gift in adulthood is a foolish wife & cheater in-laws. Cry

August 7, 2011
10:33 pm
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ShiningLight
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Raju,

 

What matters most now is your decision. It might be hard for you to face the consequences but it still up to you. If you think you've had enough and you have come to a point that you want to move on in a different path then it's your right. Also, many people in this world are suffering to harder situations than what you have right now. Be happy.

 

(((HUGS)))

August 19, 2012
7:55 am
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pauls
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August 19, 2012
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Dear Raju ,by any chance if u are still here i want to talk to u..i m in same situation as u..i m just 27 cant face its hard..pls 08907245745

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