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Does he deserve yet another chance??
June 15, 2013
7:33 am
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arae
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June 15, 2013
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My husband tells me after three months of marriage that he has blown all of our money and is addicted to pain pills... This is when it starts! I tell him we can get him help and fix this "problem". About a month later I find that he has wrote cold checks on himself and me everywhere!! He isn't bringing any money in so of course I have to pay them all off. He goes to jail for about two weeks over a few checks that I didn't know about. They tell him to go to classes and everything will be fine. Instead of doing this he decides to hang out with VERY bad people every day and night! He doesn't work now and has decided I can support us both. He talks down to me every chance he gets and has even choked me and pushed me round on more than one occasion. He made the comment that he understands why people kill their spouses and continued to destroy everything in our home... This is all because I didn't cook supper one night after a long shift. He never went to his classes over checks so he is now in jail again... Not only for checks but stealing people's things...felonies... The other day on the phone he called me a pee on and it seems that small comment broke the camels back! I don't think there is anything that can save our marriage at this point! It's only been a year and a half since our wedding and it just keeps getting worse... So many things that I can list them all! Yes i think he is still on pain pills because he spends hundreds of dollars per week! He always tells me things are none of my business... I guess I just don't know if I should give up or hold on an give him a forth chance!?! Fool me the fourth time.... what does this make me?

June 15, 2013
8:32 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Arae,

This makes you a doormat.  Go see a lawyer.  I hope the house is in half of your name.  Talk all your liquid assests & put them far out of his reach.  Your new husband has an old problem & one that is not going away any time soon.  Take care of you.  Cut your losses, get separated & be happy their are no children involved (I hope).

Focus on your job.  Be good to yourself.  Get a place to live or see if you can have him removed for good.  Make sure you let the authorities know that he has physically abused you, mentally drained you & financially will put you in ruin should you continue to allow him to do so.

An addict who has an active addiction will take down a person, a family, marriage, a business.  It's like a do or die situation for them.  They attract other addicts to them & they are totally unaware of how they are hurting those they used to have respect & love for.

I am sorry you married this person who is very unwell & perhaps one day he will realize how his addiction hurt you or maybe he never will.

 

If I were you, I would run.

 

One Day

June 15, 2013
8:43 am
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arae
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One Day,

Thank you for taking time to help me! I think deep down I know that it is over but I just keep thinking things will get better...
We don't have any children (thank goodness) so that isn't another huge problem to deal with! My job is moving me to PA for about 2 years so I think it will be a great opportunity to start over!

Once again thank you! I know it will all work out. It just hurts to know this is how it ended!

Arae

June 15, 2013
1:49 pm
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onedaythiswillpass
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Arae,

you are quite welcome.  This must be incredibly hard for you.  I know that likely both you & your husband had only the best intentions for your marriage when you said your vows.  Shit happens.  One Day he might come to see how his bad choices affected you negatively, but if not, fear not, for you have learned a very valuable lesson about the human experience & I am certain that you will proceed with caution in your future.  Truly, you are very lucky & have come out unscathed if you have your job, your health & although you cannot see it, a second chance at a life without these problems.

I hope you do go to PA.  I hope many doors open for your there.  I pray you find what you really deserve &  that you never let another person take advantage of you neither physically nor emotionally.

 

Take care of you,

 

One DaySmile

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