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Dilemma
August 19, 2014
3:10 am
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Zaff
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August 19, 2014
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Hi everyone... I'm new here. I really need help please advise me. I'm 31y/o male just got marriage about 6 months ago. Everything was ok, not until one of the day I realise tt my wife decided to deny sex with me. Today was the 19th day since the last time we have sex. And each time I ask for it. It seems more to begging then asking. We end up quarreling with each other and I end up sleeping with disappointment and frustration. She was a good wife. I don't expect perfection in life but just the basic. Living in singapore was hectic lifestyle. We both need to work to support ourself. My wife has a daughter before me. And I love my step daughter as my own. Having said all this. I understand tt she is tired from work and all... so most of the day I will help her with laundry and some house work to ease her housework. But when come at night she will just shower do her solat and cover herself with blanket to sleep.

What sadden me, each time I asked for her or even touch her hug her and kiss her she will brush me off.. as a man I have my needs. But she don't understand me. I ask her what's wrong whether is it me or what.. she told me it is her, she just doesn't feel like it. And every time I ask her turn her off. We tried to sit down and talk but she always cut me off and told me she hate to talk about this. Now she told me tt because of our argument we had. She hated sex more.

And me on the other end need her more.

It has always been a challenge being a husband and a father. It's even more challenge to marry with someone with a kid. Everything I do, can be something that lead to a conflicts or misunderstanding. But it also can be an example to her. If she take it positively. If not she'll critic me.

I can't always take the lead cause she have been independent ever since. In so many ways I was challenged, I always try my best being a good husband and father to our loving daughter. And it was my duty. And it was mine too to take care of she and her well being.

I guess I didn't meet her expectation. She have a high one to come in with. And at time I feels like I'm a failure to her.
But have she ever thought about hers? Her responsibilities as my wife? My expectation on her?

I never question her duty as my wife before but sometimes she leave me with a question mark.

Well to start with... I'm a Muslim...

My physical and conjugal needs, even to ensure my conjugal rights. (With respect to intimacy, a wife may not deny herself to her husband. As this is one of the reasons why Islam legalises marriage, because in Islam sexual intimacy is only applicable strictly to husband and wife.) But she hated sex. And at most of the time she deny me.

She is 24y/o

Yesterday after 18 days I come to her again... kept asking until I felt I was begging for it. I guess she was piss ed off so what she did she took a lubricant in the drawer throw it to me switch off the lighta nd told me "u want have sex make it quick". I did not do it. Cause it really turn me off and sadden me. I'm her husband and she is my wife.. u just don't throw lubricant and have sex.

I kept myself silence. My feeling is mix up. Till now I still didn't get her... Honeymoon was good. Before marriage we so much looking to it to make a family and have sex with each other. But now when we already married this change. When I ask her am I not satisfied to her she said it is her. And she has no reason to it. Please advise me. I know in Islamic laws wife can't deny sex from a husband but I don't want to force her from it.

Masturbating is a sin in Islam. What more having an affair or (Zina). I have a wife whom I'm legalises to. But she turn me away.

Please excuse if I'm being open and said the wrong things.. I just have no one to talk to and share my views.

August 19, 2014
7:34 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I am sorry to hear about your troubles.  I think sexual intimacy is a very important part of a marriage.  You are not wrong in wanting to share this pleasure with your wife.  I do not know why a 24yr old woman would not wish to have intimacy of a sexual nature with the man she decided to marry.  Especially if you have been faithful to her.  I have seen firsthand many a wife who after marriage dislike sex & sometimes consider sex as a tool to receive things that they want (material) from their spouses.  I am saddened & always wonder if this woman actually loved her husband upon marrying him, or did she just want to secure a lifestyle that would ensure financial stability.  Since you mentioned that your wife does work, perhaps she is really too tired & perhaps she has too many responsibilities in the home as well.  I do not really know what she is going through & quite frankly neither do you.  Please accept that unless she decides to tell you about it, or goes to speak to someone about it, things will likely get worse.  Communication and honesty are what all good relationships are based upon.  I know you mentioned cultural rules, but sincerely it has little to do with your situation.  Would your wife be willing to go to a sexual therapist with you or on her own?  I do not think you should be denied intimacy with the woman that you love.  I do not think that if the reverse were true that she should be denied.

I hope things get better for both of you.

 

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