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Complicated Marriage
October 22, 2013
8:26 pm
Forum Posts: 572
Member Since:
February 9, 2011
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This thread is for you. You can start posting here all your thoughts and concerns.

February 2, 2014
1:07 am
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February 2, 2014
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I need some help desperately!  I have been married for 8 years to a wonderful man, but we have no sex life. Let me explain:

I have medical disorders and 4 years ago when money was really tight, I went off my meds due to the fact we could not afford them. I was off of them for about 3 months or so and ended up in the hospital in ICU for about a week. After I got out of the hospital, things were going good, so I thought.  There was the occassional sex. After going through some major depression, I lost my sex drive and we went through a "dry spell" or just going through the motions.  During that time I had no passion for anything or anyone. We kicked around the idea of him having another woman to meet his needs or desires until I could get back on track. I am back on my meds reguarly and we went and got some vitamins to help my sex drive after the fact another woman moved into our house (a high school friend of mine). 


Since she has moved in, they have developed feelings for each other and they say they are in love. I  really think she is just on a rebound from a 28 year marriage that has ended.  Anyhow, my husband knows that I have my sex drive back but he has told me that he doesn't want me sexually anymore. He says he loves me, but he very rarely spends time with me. Yes we sleep apart and have done so for 3 years now. My husband sleeps on the couch in the living room, she sleeps in the recliner in the living room and I have the bedroom.  My husband enjoys blow jobs and gets off on getting them. I have expressed to him that I would like to give them to him, but I get told "you are not good enough". He has also told me that she is better in bed. But I can cook and run the daily finances of the house.  I have asked him to leave her and he tells me NO, then fine lets get a divorce and you can be with her all the time. NO. He says he loves us both and wants both of us. She is not happy and I am not happy.  I love my husband. He says we can work on our marriage. How can we work on our marriage with her in the picture and me not having any opportunity to show him I love him? 

She has expressed to me that she wants her own place and wants him to move in with her (her divorce is not final as of yet) and she has told him the same thing.  I have put them both out of my house once, but the only reason they were allowed back in was due to the freezing temps and no place to go and they had no money.  My husband thinks that if he gets me off once every three months I should be happy to get the attention. I am not and have said so.  I am not ready to end my marriage, I do love him despite the hurtful words and ways he has.  Also, she does give the blow jobs and they do have sex in the living room at night when I am awake and can hear them. My husband sends me to my room or tells me he is going to bed so they can have alone time.  They both know they are hurting me, but they don't seem to care.  I am tired of crying myself to sleep every night. This has taken a toll on my emotions and affected my daily life not to mention my job.   HELP!!!

February 2, 2014
11:55 pm
Forum Posts: 13
Member Since:
January 4, 2014
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This is a situation where you just have to walk away. maybe not immediately but i would suggest soon. People commit suicide over things like this. You should kick your "friend" out and if he decides to follow her then youll know things are really over between you and him. If he loved you REALLY he would stay there with you even if he were pissed at first.  She has no place living in your home and basically trying to steal your man, and if she was your friend for real, she would respect that. i know this might be a scary prospect but you have to live too and not be pushed to the side and have your feelings totally disreguarded by TWO people.


If your not ready you may have to GET READY for the end of this relationship because it could lead to you just being the abused wife/maid/help while he spoils and takes her on trips while you stay behind and keep an eye on the house. Then everything that EVER goes wrong will be blamed on you. Marriage is a team effort and if the other person doesnt want to "play ball" anymore with you then its time to move on. people grow and change in life and sadly its not always for the better. In theory love is supposed to be what makes a couple want to stay together forever but maybe your husband lost focus in life on whats important and got so wrapped up in his own B.S. that he forgot that hes supposed to be supporrting you and HIMSELF. not just his own mental well being.

February 13, 2014
7:47 pm
Forum Posts: 572
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February 9, 2011
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I don't think it's the right situation anymore so I suggest you give each other space and time. The fact that you are married and he's enjoying sexual intercourse with other woman just because you have medical problems? I don't think so. Yes, sex partakes a big part of married life but we're all very aware that it's not just that. If he truly loves you then he would support you on your condition and he should be willing enough to wait for the time when you're already 100% healed and ready again to spice up your marriage. It's not fair on your part. You already gave him the chance to meet his sexual needs by letting that woman come to his life but then how come he's forgetting his duties and commitment to you as his husband? Come to think of it. Being martyr is not an option here.

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