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10:06 pm
My husband and I were married 7 months ago. We are Christians who love each other, and God very much. But every time we have a discussion that pertains to anything biblical we seem to end up in a heated discussion. I'm tired of it and so is he but we cannot seem to agree. We agreed on these things before we were married but now it's like we just can't! Also, He gives me the hardest time when I attempt to give him advice; I mean he fights me tooth & nail, and denies that anything I say is true. But awhile later (like a month or weeks gone by) when we're conversing about something totally different, he will admit that I was right and that he knew it as soon as I said whatever I said. I don't get it.
I am not "perfect patty" either. When my husband is talking, I overtalk him or out talk him as soon as he says something I don't agree with. I don't care how much I say I won't do it again, I ALWAYS do it! I have said several times that even if I don't agree with hiim or understand him, I will just keep my mouth shut and pray about it. I not only interrupt him, but I get louder than him, and I can also get really mean about it if I can't drive my point home. What the heck is wrong with me and my husband?
He's frustrated because he says that marriage is supposed to be all about love and peace, and never chaotic. I don't agree with that because we are humans, and I keep trying to tell him that there is not such thing as a perfect marriage, but he refuses to believe me. Can anybody relate to this? Can anyone give me some advice?
1:25 pm
May 19, 2011
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Your postwas back in March, so I hope you're reading this!
My significant other and I have been going through similar problems.
The key to our problem has had to do with listening skills (training), and about our egos. Having to be right all the time, and wanting to to have him take my advice is another area I fall into.
Listening skills can be very difficult to learn. It goes against our basic desire to be heard and valued at all times. The thing that I have had to remember is that he wants the same thing. When I talk over him, he defends himself by not listening to me and/or denying the validity of what I am saying. This serves to protect his ego. I also experience my ego by wanting him to take my advice unconditionally. I have found that when I "take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth", I actually see the point that he is trying to make and he can then listen to my piont. I no longer have to be right all the time. It is his responsibility to do the same for me. I may not always agree with him, and he doesn't always take my advice, but at least I have learned that his opinion is his own and I don't have to make him see things my way.
The reason we joined together was to make us a stronger unit of "one", yet we are still two individuals that make that union. We are both valuable, so we need to take the time and make the effort to hear each other. 
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