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Boyfriend is disrespectful towards me. Tired of blended family. Help!
July 6, 2018
7:19 am
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Cr45599n
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We both have children from prior relationships. I have sole custody of my 8 yr old daughter and his 4 yr old lives with her mom. It has always been this way. My boyfriend gets visitation every other weekend Saturday through Sunday. We also have a 1 year old. Our relationship has always been rocky. We get into arguments here and there. For the majority of our relationship he wasnt over his ex and kept chasing after her behind my back since he always claimed he felt bad he couldnt give his oldest a proper family. She chose to not be with him. Despite this I kept trying to make things work out for the sake of our shared daughter. There have been times where he is even emotionally abusive towards me in arguements He calls me names and even clenches his hands into fists and tells me things like how he wants to punch me in the face during our arguements when I have a different view point then him. He never sees anything wrong with what he says and always blames his behavior on me. I feel like he just doesn’t do enough for me, our relationship and our child. We both work and I am alone with my 2 kids the majority of the time since he works later hours. When his daughter visits I help him tons. I get her dressed, I do her hair, I make her food, give her snacks and supervise her while HE sleeps in and when he has to go to the store. Its exhausting when she visits. He chooses her side constantly and there is always so much conflict between his child and my 2 kids. Before our child he used to make my daughter give his child whatever toys she wanted cause she would always cry. I always promote sharing so I always backed him up. Fast forward to our 1 year old. His 4 year old doesnt like to share and cries constantly still. Whenever our 1 year old accidentally steps on her foot or hand or throws a toy, she claims the baby is hitting her or hurting her. She cries when the toddler wants back her toys or cries when she needs to share with the toddler or cries if my boyfriend picks up the toddler. Mind you, he will pick up the baby right after picking his 4 yr old up and she still throws a fit. Once my boyfriend even said that our 1 year old was being a bully. For him to use such a word like that to describe a baby made me livid. He should be taking the 1 year old side, not his 4 year old, that is just 1 of many examples of how I feel like he favors his 4 year old over our own shared child........ She is currently on vacation with her mom in Puerto rico visiting grandparents. My boyfriend is upset because he found out that his ex’s BF went on the vacation and that his 4 yr old is sharing a bedroom with the grandparents ( the people who basically rasied her since she was born, they just moved to PR last yr). Now he is saying he doesn’t want his ex to take his daughter on vacations and that he doesn’t want her to share a bedroom with any man in it except for him. I think he is being crazy and overreacting. When I try to express myself, we clash on ideas and it leads to arguments. He is now saying that he wants full custody of his daughter, something that we cannot handle at the moment or atleast I cannot handle at the moment since I would be the one to be alone caring for her the majority of the time. I am emotionally and mentally drained from working full time and taking care of 2 kids full time. I cannot handle a third child at the moment especially when her mother has no other children and is fully capable of taking care of the child. I told him to wait a few yrs until his 4 yr old and our toddler is a bit more older. We aren’t married and we aren’t even officially engaged. I feel like he is rushing things. We should focus on building a better foundation for our already crumbling relationship. He disagrees and see absolutely nothing wrong with our relationship. SMH. His 4 yr old has her own bedroom in her moms house. We have a 2 bedroom, 1 small room for my 8 yr old and 1 bigger room for us and our toddler. Plus I pay for the majority of the expenses. I cannot mentally handle taking care of his child plus my 2. I am already losing my mind with 2 full time kids and the every other weekend stresses me to the max plus add our crumbling relationship. I am so tired of dealing with his baggage. We are constantly at each other when he has his oldest cause he babys her so much and doesnt act like a team with me. He makes a mess and then instead of cleaning up he waits for me to do it. When she comes over he focuses on her and he doesnt help much. When she isnt here, he sits around still not helping me enough with OUR 1 year old. His other child. I keep giving and giving and he does not give equally in return. I told him that I cannot handle this right now, we can do it in the future and he said he is going to do it anyways. I told him well then we cant contintue this relationship cause he isn’t respecting me or my feelings. He said then that’s fine. I am so sad that he would chose his 4 yr old over me and our toddler. Its so heartbreaking. I have always felt like we didn’t matter and that we weren’t priorities and this just proves it. His 4 yr old is fine and safe and his ex is a fine mom. He gets extremely jealous with other men being in his daughters life which doesnt make sense cause if we arent together then at some point there will be another male figure in our 1 yr olds life then. I want to build a better foundation for our relationship and be married before we make anymore life changes. I feel like he is rushing things. He works 45 hrs a week and doesn’t make that much money. He used to work a 2nd job but he got fired from that job for getting in late all of the time. I work 40 hrs plus my 2 kids and I make more money than him. I feel like I am suffocating. I am trying to compromise but he only wants it his way. I feel so sad for our 1 year old. I know he loves her but honestly he takes her for granted and always says “but she wants you” well ofcourse she wants me I do everything for her. SMH. I don’t feel like he is being rational and that he is rushing things. We moved in after 6 months dating and got pregnant after 10 months of dating. And we have always had major problems cause of his ways. If it wasnt for the fact that I got pregnant we would definitely NOT be together at this present moment. He has so many flaws that I didnt know about until after I had moved in with him. His addiction to porn being one of them...... I want us to be better established in our relationship before taking on a major life change. Is that too much to ask for? Im so heart broken for our 1 year old cause I feel like she is going to realize he isn’t around anymore. We have lived together since she was in the womb. When his daughter is older like 7/8 yrs old then it will be so much easier on me to take care of her also. Whenever I tell him that I cannot do it right now, he just says yes you can. He doesnt accept or recognize how I feel. I need more time to better myself and my mental health before taking on anymore full time responsibilities. Another thing I cannot stand is how he constantly tells me that in the future we cannot have anymore kids unless he has custody of his oldest daughter. I dont like him putting our relationship on the same level as his child from a previous relationship. Our relationship is supposed to be the foundation of our future marriage. He cannot act how ever he wants and speak to me in a disrespectful way and then expect for me to just go along with whatever he says. Let me just also add that I am like his mom. I do basically everything and I write all his emails, google information for him, apply to jobs for him, wash and fold the clothes, organize the house with minimal help from him. I want him to step up and show me that he can be a good partner and a good father to our shared child so that I can feel more satisfied in our relationship. And then when we are in a better place and even married then we could fight for custody of his oldest child.

June 15, 2019
12:32 pm
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MikkeyQ4
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June 15, 2019
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Oh, dude, I had a similar situation. I had a husband that I argued with all the time. He has changed so much as a man for 5 years of marriage that has ceased to excite me and interest as a man. At one point, I even wondered that I am a lesbian. As it turned out, it was so. I decided to register on the dating site for people of non-traditional orientation Grindr gay review for fun, and try to find a lesbian. We had a date, and she made me feel like a different person. When it came to sex, I finally realized that my husband made me a lesbian... Now, I suggest you have to talk to your husband seriously, or this will end badly.

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