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Angry husband
July 10, 2011
9:26 pm
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rylen02
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I've been fighting this for over two years. My husband and I have only been married a few months, we have a son who is almost a year old, and have been together for over 2 years. We've known each other for about 4 years. Well, ever since we first got together I've noticed that he has some serious anger issues... and not mad at anything really ... just tiny things... like if his phone isn't working properly he'll throw it and smash it to pieces, then cuss and yell, etc. There have been times where he will be doing something, like putting away groceries or something, and he'll drop a grocery item and then tear the whole kitchen apart yelling throwing things, cussing etc. I've had to remove myself and my son from the room/building whatever, and hide in a back room and cry. I know he would never ever hurt me or my son, EVER. If I had the slight inkling that he would, I wouldn't be with him. We've talked about this several times, his parents know he's had this his whole life and tried putting him on medication and nothing helps. There was an instance a few days ago where I was sick one day (I have a pretty serious medical condition) and I was about to pass out in the bathroom and he helped me onto the floor and left the bathroom and because it was the day we were supposed to leave on a trip and now we couldn't because I became ill quite unexpectedly, he throws a tantrum in the room and calls me f***ing weak and "this is f***ing bullshit etc... all the while my son is in the next room. He is getting older and he's going to start remembering things, and I don't want him for ONE SECOND to be afraid of his father. My husband is an incredible man in every other aspect. It's this anger issue that is tearing us apart, and sometimes I think it's a chemical imbalance in his brain or something and he honestly can't control it. I know it makes him sad sometimes that he has to deal with this. However, I need to think of myself and my child, I think I've been through enough emotional abuse that it's time to give him an ultimatum. I wrote him a letter (it's the only way to get words out without him getting angry/defensive)... I'm planning on giving it to him tonight. I was very sincere in the letter, and just told him all the wonderful things about him, and then I mentioned his anger problem and explained to him that it's breaking this family apart, and I don't want my son growing up that way. And then I said either you go to counseling and possibly get on medication or I'm leaving and I can't help him anymore. I'm willing to stand by him through this... but I need to see an effort. I need advice, comfort, etc. I'm having a hard time, and would have to start completely anew if this ended. I'm living in Alaska for him, and I'm from Idaho... so it would be very difficult. =( Thanks.

July 11, 2011
6:46 am
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gentle
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July 8, 2011
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hi rylene02

i'm so sad and worried for you and your child and your husband, too. 

two thoughts come to mind, take them or leave them, okay? no…three thoughts…

1. there was a man i read about online who had a brain tumor the size of a walnut, by his amygdala, and it caused him, a very loving and intelligent man, to do things in rage when he didn't even want to (so, the thought is, see a doctor! make sure there isn't a problem like this!), and he ended up losing more and more control until he even killed his beloved mother and wife and then a whole bunch of people and he even wrote notes requesting an autopsy of his body after his death–which they did, and that's when they found the tumor–but he had tried–he had seen a psychiatrist, done medicine, etc.–it was just not diagnosed.  He ended up being killed by a sharpshooter after he climbed a tower at a university and started shooting everybody he could see.  This is a very extreme case, but points out that there can be hidden problems that get overlooked.  So the thought is: check everything!

2. If there is no physical cause of the rage and anger, Recovery International is a free group online and face to face for learning to control angry and fearful temper outbursts.  It's very effective and you can look it up online at http://www.lowselfhelpsystems.org/.

You can attend, also.

3. You are right to be concerned about your child.  Exposing a child to events such as you have described is called domestic violence, and it is considered a form of child abuse, and your child does need and deserve your protection.

I hope you will not be alarmed by these thoughts, but will take action.  I am proud of you, so proud of you! for writing for help and for loving your husband, yourself, and your child enough to do what is needed to help each of you.

May the Lord bless you and walk beside you as you decide what to do.

I will be here to talk to if you want to talk to me.  I'm usually more laid back than this, but this is a very tender spot, for me, as I have lived through abuse and know about this firsthand, too.

Best to you,

~ gentle

July 11, 2011
5:28 pm
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ShiningLight
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February 9, 2011
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rylen02,

 

Sorry about what happened and  I'm very sad reading your post .The case is that if the anger issues of your husband will get worse then it may possibly cause trauma to your child as well as leading to domestic violence. You might need to help your husband by getting a therapist/counselor specializing on anger management and self-help methods. That way, you'll be to know and see the changes on how your husband behaves as well as identifying the proper treatment for his condition.

 

I think there's a still a big chance to save your family from breaking apart as long as you still love each other and you'd be willing to help each other when one is needing some help during hard times (like what your husband is experiencing). Sacrifices and support should really take place upon dealing your husband's condition. It may not be that easy but it's all up to you if you hold on or just give up.

 

Keep posting. Wishing you well Smile

August 3, 2012
3:03 am
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Curtis Baker
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You and your husband still love each other this is a good sign.Therefore instead of breaking this realtionship you should make a visit to marriage counselor

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