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Afraid that I cannot put it with much longer
September 11, 2014
11:06 pm
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Zanaba1379
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September 11, 2014
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Hey everyone my first post here so if its in the wrong spot feel free to move it.

Me and my wife have been married for about 5 years now. When we were dating and engaged you know of course everything was perfect of course. I was deployed and we got married on my 2 week leave and when i came home my job i had before i deployed was no longer. The company went out of business due to economy. So we had to live with my mom and dad for about a year and a half then i got hired on as a construction worker and we moved out to our own place. Now we have moved to a different state i have a new more stable job. Just a little short back story.

It seems for the past 3 years or so she complains everyday about stuff that does not matter at all. A plate, spoon, and glass i left in the sink before i went to bed and i wake up to listening to complaining. Sets the day off bad. Thats just one example, but i promise its everyday always about little stuff that does not really matter at all. I consider myself to be a positive person. Even unemployed living with my parents i was thankful that we had a place to stay, and food to eat. I saw it as some extra time for us to spend together while i was searching for a job, because i know once you get a job one on one time becomes very limited. She complained then but i didn't really say anything because they were valid complaints, no money, car note, cell phone bill, but luckily my parents were able to pay that for us. But now, everything is good and she is still complaining a lot. I looked at some articles and all pretty much just tell the husband just to suck it up and deal with it. But there is only so much a person can take. I am able to see the positive things in any situation, it can be a perfect situation and she will find something to latch onto and constantly complain. She works as a waitress and keeps all her money in a tin bucket and uses my pay check to pay bills. By the time bills are paid my pay check is pretty much gone. She gives me $20 a week for the whole week, to buy lunch and not to mention gas, and if i take some extra from the can or ask for extra then i have to answer several questions. Its ridiculous and its getting old really quick. I tell her all the time that this is really bothering me, but doesn't matter. I have told her how constant complaining is getting to me and i am not sure how much longer i can take it, she says sorry but next day back to the same.

We go out to eat and i see other couples laughing and talking but we just eat and leave, barely speak, if we do its usually about the food. If i try to go anywhere with anyone i get interegated before, during, and after. Its just not worth the trouble so i spend my free time at home alone most of the time while she works. Its getting really old and making me miserable.

Sorry this is so long but i have been holding this in for a while and have not told anyone. Any help or advise will be greatly appreciated

September 15, 2014
1:21 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Zanaba:

I really don't know what to say except that maybe your wife is really stressed out & maybe feels that you should also become a waitress?  Maybe you could trade jobs for a week so that she can see that construction work is also very difficult.  Have you ever asked your wife what she plans to do with the money she earns? I don't think a marriage means your earnings are hers & her earnings are hers.  I don't think any relationship means you simply accept & obey & have no say in any dispute.  You need to be able to speak about your feelings and problems with your partner.  I don't think a wife is a Mother & even a Mother should not treat her children this way.  I wonder in what generation men thought that they had no say in a marriage?  Same for some women in a marriage.  I have read firsthand about the exact opposite & worse.  In my opinion, any relationship involves mutual respect & mutual trust.  Communication is key.  You must learn to speak about your troubles directly with the person you are having or trying to have a relationship with. This applies to any relationship between people in any situation.  A teacher and a student, a parent & a child, an employer and an employee.  Even though the solution might not be available & you might agree to disagree, language is what defines us or destroys us.  I am glad you shared your problem here on this site, but now I think you need to find a way to speak with your wife or make some new decisions about how you will spend your life living.  Humans are entitled to making some choices no matter what they are doing & who they are with.  I am glad that at least you are questioning your relationship & I hope you will find a way to resolve your problems & your life becomes better.

 

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