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young & married with children
June 20, 2000
6:28 pm
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butterfly23
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September 24, 2010
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I have been married for 3 years and have 2 children. My husband is a kind and generous person. He has gone to great lengths to please me. Yet, all I can do is be negative and take the wind out of his sail.I feel that I am ruining my marriage because of my constant negativity. We have already been talking of divorce, and I am so scared because that is the last thing that I want to do. I love my husband, but he has accused me of not being "in love with him." This is partially true, because I have been thrown into this role of mother & wife, starting at the age of 19. I have alot of resentment that builds up. Alot of our fights are about him being a work-aholic, and spare time that he spends with his hobbies. We have had problems with our sex life, because with the kids I just don't have the desire or energy for it. I feel tired and unhappy all of the time and I am sick of it. I think that my husband has given up on me and our marriage, but we are both in it for our children. Is it too late to save our marriage because we have built up so many walls, tacked on stereotypical behavior to each other and a heap of bitterness. Or does anybody have advice on how I can amend this situation?

June 20, 2000
7:27 pm
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janes
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Never to late to save a marriage when you want to save it.

Seek counseling and then...if your husband is a workahalic...take some of that cash and take some time OFF from the kids during the day. Get yourself a good physical from a doctor you trust and then Go to a gym and start working out or go to a tea room and have a cuppa and relax and read.

Take some time for you...NO EXCUSES!!!!
The kids and your husband will be better for you taking care of yourself NOW.

Ask your husband to NOT give up on you.

Believe me...I remember the YEARS of being just TOO tired for sex after working all day and then taking care of the responsibilities of 4 kids under the age of ten. You do have a lot to do but you need to take care of your self too. Then you will be more available to hubby and the kids.

Walls that have been built up can be broken down. If you want to change then you can. BITE that tongue!!1 If you can't say something nice DON"T SAY IT!!! surprise your husband.

You and he will have lots of years together...if you want them....after the kid are gone. the time flies by!!! But they don't have to be years of bitter stife either.

The hobby bit is irritating. My hubby has no "hobby" but every sunday afternoon...a car race. We women will be annoyed angry and bitter about those hobbies and things...but why don't we just do the same? We all have enough to wear that laundry could wait and food prep is really fast... Instead of taking care of us we take care of every one else and whine when we aren't content.... we need to take care of US!!!

Good luck!!

June 22, 2000
4:52 pm
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butterfly23
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Thanks alot janes for your advice. It feels really good to be able to let some of this out. I really want to make it work, but unfortunately, my husband hasn't spoken to me in two days. He doesn't want to talk about things because it's the same old crap over and over again. He tells me things that he doesn't like about me, I get defensive or vice versa. Anyways, I am definetly going to start some sort of therapy & time for myself or I am going to burst.

June 23, 2000
8:39 am
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Spirit
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Unfulfilled dreams can cause us to be critical of where life has taken us. We hold others responsible for the unrealized "if onlys" that come up. If only I hadn't gotten married and pregnant at a young age, I could have... If only he spent more time with me, we could... Trying to wish away whats what doesn't make it change. Take it from one who knows, if you want the fights and arguments to stop, you must change the drama you are stuck in. You can't change the situation without first changing your way of dealing with it.

I have a friend who was married and had her first child at 18. Everyone in her family criticized she and her husband for getting married at such a young age. They struggled, they argued, they almost divorced, but they hung in there, matured and worked on what was most important: Their partnership in life. This year they will be celebrating their 21st year of marriage. Took a lot of life's lessons to get here, but they are very secure with their love and friendship, their marriage. Don't give up until you've given it all you can, and then some. Its easy to call it quits, its harder to stay and work out the kinks. Best of life to you and yours. Keep peace in your heart, and all things are possible.

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