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YOU
April 23, 2007
3:11 am
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lucyloo
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I wrote this today to myself....good therapy, want to send it, but he wouldn't care

I title it...YOU

You fucked up again. You just keep doing the same thing; don’t want to break your pattern.

I actually do think that you want to but find it too much work. Laziness and procrastination.

You will regret what you have done to me, to your ex and to all the innocent prey that you keep manipulating.

I want to believe in the good in you but you don’t see it and I can’t make you see it.

You will regret this – losing me and all the things you’ve done in your life.

This poor innocent little southern blond bimbo has no idea what a ride she’s in for.

Or is it M? Was that your date on Friday? You just don’t stop do you?

How could you just leave your son like you did? I cannot ever understand this. It’s insane. This poor little boy is constantly in turmoil.

You are incapable of truly loving another because you don’t love yourself. Not sure how you could love yourself considering the mess you’ve made of your life. But I know you’re smart and you can get out of it if you want to. I was going to be your guiding force, but again, you can’t handle the heat of this. So you run. “And I run, I run so far away”

You said it to me back in December – you said “I hate myself”. That was very telling.

You are starting the exact same vicious circle again with this out of state chick. Is she moving here or are you going back to the long distance game again?

You love naïve young blonds, don’t you?

You are a great example for your son. A Dad who flies me all over the damn place, tires me out and then shows me Disneyland so I don’t want to go home to my Mommy.

Face it, you are a mess, your life is a mess and you can’t keep telling yourself it isn’t.

I was willing to take your son into my life and your ex’s issues – because I am strong.

You are weak and you know it. You don’t want to be. But you don’t want to do what it takes to get out….

It’s amazing how I see you surround yourself with good people all the time Do you realize it’s because there is this really good person inside of you that wants to come out?

But yet, you surround yourself with not so good women. And you actually hide this from the ‘good people’. I’ve heard you say many times before, “I don’t share my personal life with anyone”

And how about your boss/best friend – all of sudden one day you wake up and see what a self-centered piece of garbage he is. Do you realize you are just like him? When is the last time you helped out a friend in need or did something for someone that meant something? And that later you felt good about? That’s what life is ALL ABOUT – being there and being a friend for those in need.

You jumped right into dating again because it’s easy and safe. The world and people are getting smarter these days ya know…people see what it is others really are…

Your compulsive cleaning habits and personal grooming are clear traits of a personality disorder.

You don’t treat people like they deserve to be treated and this is because of your own personal dysfunctions.

Instability is your world. Doesn’t sound that fun to me.

You talk to Mommy everyday to get some sort of validation for your existence. Sad.

Thank you all. This is therapy for me right now..

April 23, 2007
4:47 pm
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lucyloo
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Can someone tell me if I shouldn't have posted this? If so, sorry. I just needed to get some anger out I guess.

April 23, 2007
4:53 pm
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soprano2
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You are free to post what you wish, Lucyloo.

I read it the other day, and reread it today. Found it a little hard to follow. Got lost in the You's I think.

But we all have anger. Especially anger with ourselves.

Don't apologize. Hope to see you post sometime again if you ever want to talk about some of those things.

April 23, 2007
5:03 pm
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fantas
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You go girl!! I think you can post anything that makes you deal with your stuff, Good for you!

April 23, 2007
5:17 pm
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CAMER
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great that you posted this!!! ahhhh so good to vent, and to hear about how bad HE is.

Keep the focus on YOU now! and i wish you the best!

(((camer)))

April 23, 2007
5:23 pm
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lucyloo
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I have to say it is so great to have all of YOU there for support.

Thanks everyone for all the hugs and wishes!

April 23, 2007
5:23 pm
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revelation
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Lucy...much repsect to you. He sounds very like my ex. A mess! this is a great place to vent stuff...its better than saying it to his face and getting more bullsh*t excuses back...he would only be trying to convince himself.

April 23, 2007
5:33 pm
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lucyloo
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Revelation-
Thanks. Do you think these types of guys ever wake up and say OMG what have I done with my life? I know it would be great redemption for us to know that they do but he was always one of those people that kept saying "oh it's not so bad". I really don't know how people like that can look at themselves and not feel horrible inside.

In fact, back in December when he came crying to me after one month of no contact, he said "I hate myself" This is why I thought he wanted to fix himself but lots of talk, no action.

I am feeling so much better having everyone here to talk to

April 23, 2007
5:57 pm
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revelation
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Oh yes...they frequently get moments of clarity and a deep sense of dread washes over them...thats usually when they will either hang themselves out of the nearest light-fitting...or contact you. As long as they have some narcissistic supply and everything "appears" to be going ok to the outside world then they'll just keep going.

I don't think they will ever truly change. perhaps only at the end of their lives when they become aware that they are absolutely alone and without anyone to care...but its usually too late by then.

April 23, 2007
7:26 pm
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soprano2
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I had to laugh at your "Oh, it's not so bad". yeah, not so bad for them.

Not so bad when they have someone around to clean up their messes of everything.

His "I'm sorry" was probably more like a "I can't handle myself, can you do everything for me?" And then we go back into the horrible cycle of codependency.

How is everything going now? Are you feeling better now that you posted your anger and others have answered your thread?????

April 24, 2007
12:04 am
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lucyloo
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Sop2-
Love your nickname BTW. Yeah, feeling better and stronger. Yep, they all need some one to clean up for them, don't they? Not me anymore, enough now.

Travelling for biz the rest of the week. Hopefully will make me forget him again. This is all I do is try to forget. Sucks big butt.

Horrible cycle. Horrible.

So you must be a soprano fan? Watched it with my re-bound, male, best friend today. Thank god for him. Love him and he loves me. Had sex with him 2X - 1st time great, 2nd time sucked. But now just good friends - men are the best and the worst - all at the same time.

April 24, 2007
8:23 am
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soprano2
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Actually, my nickname comes from my signing. I am actually a Soprano I. I am trained to sing opera. I can sing in eight different languages (including Italian :))

I am a high school choir teacher, and I work in a couple churches in the area singing and playing piano.

I am glad that you at least have something else to think about for a couple of days. It will be a good distraction for a little while.

Have a good time, and catch up with us when you get back.
s2

April 24, 2007
8:38 am
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lonely and addicted
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Wow 🙂 It is good to get out some anger! My ex boyfriend sounds like that and he has totally scared me of men until now. I have a new one and of course I am obssessing with it. The what if's. Take your anger and do something good with it. Think about yourself and how great you are to rise above that one!

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