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you can be happy
October 19, 2006
7:04 pm
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kirikiri
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'i want you to be happy', my ex-pal/lover said after the breakup..and i remember thinking then,but how can i be happy if happiness for me was being with this very being?
today,i can easily say to anyone who's unhappy, you can be happy.all you have to do is CHOOSE! happiness is a choice.
i wish i knew this philosophy then.it would have saved me alot of heartache and shame.
but now is as good as anytime.
at least i can help someone.
so remember,happiness is a choice

October 19, 2006
7:14 pm
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Rasputin
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Ditto Kir! I agree 100% that happiness is a choice.

October 19, 2006
7:37 pm
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Matteo
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I don't think it is that simple. I agree that it is a state of mind, but not necessarily a choice. I don't think it can depend on one particular person or thing, either.

If you are saying that happiness is a choice, maybe you should define "happiness" - what does it mean for you to be happy? Then we could discuss if it is a choice or not.

October 19, 2006
7:57 pm
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kirikiri
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let me use an example: I'm depressed and sad and hurting after my breakup.Life sucks and my self-esteem hits below zero.
ok, happiness for me would be anything in contrast to that.
now, i can choose to remain depressed in bed all day.
or i can choose to wash my face,get out there and be a reason to be happy.

October 19, 2006
8:25 pm
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cyndra820
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Kirikiri,

I think I get it. I remember reading a story about a man who had something awful happen to him and he said he had a choice.

At work one of our themes is "Choose Your Attitude". I work at the DMV (haha) and it has helped improve customer service.

I think what you are saying is along the same lines. Do something to improve your rather than be in a negative status. Sometimes that may be as simple as washing your face and brushing your teeth.

It's not always easy to choose to be positive in an extremely negative situation, but if you can do it...

Regards,
Cyndra

October 19, 2006
8:33 pm
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Matteo
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If that works for you - then great! But if you choose to be "happy" after the break-up and go out instead of grieving - aren't you denying, cheating your true feelings in a way?

My self-esteem does not depend on if I just broke up with someone or not. I can be depressed and spend a day in bed, but that doesn't mean that I am an unhappy person in general and that I am not content with myself and my life. Part of that happiness is allowing myself to experience the feelings I have - good and bad alike. That's what make life beautiful and rich, and in the end gives happiness. They say that if you hold a pencil between your teeth for a minute or so, you will feel better because you will fool your brain - which will "think" that you are smiling. That's a way to feel better as well - but is it really a "happiness"? Not in my understanding.

October 19, 2006
9:13 pm
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kirikiri
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thanks,matteo.Good point there.
And yes, it worked for me.and more so because i grieved.took me 3 years to live again.and it helped to know that I could choose to be happy.
and I did.
It still helps me now.I get bouts of depression every now and then over my breakup.
and I just tell myself over and over again that--no one else can make me happy but --my wonderful self.
and that really helps.

Attitude is a choice.to me happiness is.not to deny what i feel but to know that i could choose to not feel so upset/down/depressed anxious and instead feel better/lighter/happier.

certainly works for me.and i hope it will help a life or two.

October 19, 2006
9:23 pm
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justhinking
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I agree that happiness is a choice. the definition of hapiness in everyone's changes since what makes you happy might not necessarily make me happy. It what you believe happiness is with you. I think happiness is having your sanity. if you break up with someone and your depressed all day and cry would not change anything that either making you feel better becuase you let it all out or for others make them extremely depress. So it depends i think on finding out with out anyone in your life WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! me personally i am still looking to find it because i have allot and i still put a smile on my face in the morning with full force and facing the day becuause wouldn't allow myself to do anything else nor can I afford to waste my day crying and feel depressed for anyone except my children

October 19, 2006
10:00 pm
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kirikiri
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women of strength in this place.very good.

October 19, 2006
10:13 pm
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Matteo
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kirikiri ~ I think we are talking here about an attitude, not real happiness. I agree with "to know that i could choose to not feel so upset/down/depressed anxious and instead feel better/lighter/happier" - but that's an attitude, the way we see things in general, if we dwell on bad or good side of things, if we are optimists or see everything dark and gloomy.

justhinking ~ when you said "i still put a smile on my face in the morning with full force and facing the day becuause wouldn't allow myself to do anything else nor can I afford to waste my day crying and feel depressed", in my understanding you are talking about an attitude as well.

For me happiness is something within, which doesn't depend on a mood or a feeling. It is actually the other way around; being happy affects our attitude and how we see things, gives a distance and understanding that the feelings are just a part of the process and they will change, I think it gives some balance and a sense of security - the feelings are not scary. That's just a part of being happy. Can anyone relate?

October 19, 2006
10:23 pm
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kirikiri
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i think the two are linked.Positive attitude breeds happiness.today i can honestly say i am a happier person now.
thanks, matteo

October 19, 2006
10:32 pm
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justhinking
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your right in some way

October 19, 2006
10:42 pm
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kirikiri
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justthinking, it isn't about what is right here and what isn't..our perspectives will differ simply because we experience things differently and view them differently..the greatest thing about it all is we are here to talk about them, exchange ideas in the hope that a life will benefit,will change for the better...
it's fantastic.

🙂

kiri

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