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Wouldn't it be great if lovers could meet on this website?
December 10, 2004
7:12 pm
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Lindagirlfriday
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Touche ... sewunique

December 10, 2004
7:46 pm
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SamanthaCan
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This is for sure not the place to meet people for romance.This is a place to get anonymous support and friendship.
Besides most of us are codependant anyway.hehe thats prob why you are thinking about romance on here in the first place.

December 10, 2004
9:22 pm
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sdesigns
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Hey Silence- I'll bet the fur would fly!

December 11, 2004
12:28 am
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Who needs another meat market? One of the reasons why I like this site is because people do NOT have that on their agenda when they come on here. Chat rooms are the worst... all conversation gets reduced to "what are you wearing", etc. no matter the original subject of the site. People here seem to have a higher purpose.

December 11, 2004
4:39 am
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silence
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Hmm... what are you wearing mzrella? I bet it's something sexy. I can tell by the way you type.

December 11, 2004
5:08 am
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SweetAmanda
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It would be a baaad idea

July 19, 2005
11:55 am
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littlebutterfly
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There is a Native American saying: “Scars tell that you have lived life.” But a scar means that healing has taken place already.

Funny that romantic thoughts cross so many people’s minds in here, mine too. Is it that as codependents we are looking for someone to love or just desperately in need of love ourselves? A Dr. Phil’ism is that we need to parent ourselves and love ourselves like the lover we would most want to have in our lives. I think there is a lot of merit to that. I realize more and more ech day that I have absolutely no idea what it would be like to be loved by an emotionally healthy man. I need to teach myself that so that I will not allow unhealthy damaged people into my heart anymore.

Hell, the more I personally hear from the guys here, the more I think: why do all the guy who would actually stay with a cheating, lying, drug addicted, evil woman chose those types instead of wanting to be with me? I wouldn’t cheat. I would love them and be honest and try to make them happy and be a great mom to our kids and… blah, blah, unhealthy blah. I would still be focusing on another person instead of getting me whole and healed from the abuse I have endured at other people’s hands. It is still about how I could GIVE to them better than anyone else. The same unhealthy dynamic I have endured for my entire life.

I dream of a guy loving me enough to really stand by me when I need someone--and not just when things are good. But the guys in here, the ones who are willing to do that, they are as wounded as I am; or they would not be allowing abusers and addicts to have their heart in the first place, just like me. Any person in here would be great to be with once they are WHOLE and HEALED. The scars will still be there but they will be war stories not open gaping wounds oozing infection and gore into the relationship.

July 19, 2005
11:58 am
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Anonymous
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Viscious circle, isn't it?

July 19, 2005
1:15 pm
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ACryForHelp
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Very true...Very True...

You have given me a bunch to think about!

Well, as to the fact that we are all damaged here is true but being with someone that knows they have a problem and are working to fix it is better then being with someone that just glosses over it all and refuses to admit that anything is wrong.

Two half-healed people working to better themselves is better then a codep and an abuser or even a codep and a healthy person.

or at least thats how I see it!

Thanks again for the conversation starter!

July 19, 2005
2:35 pm
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kathygy
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I don't understand what your point is. Of course men come here with codependency issues. So what?

July 19, 2005
4:46 pm
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2alone
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I think I met someone with co-dependency issues just like me. He's absolutely wonderful to me. He cares for me deeply and there is very little drama in our relationship. That doesn't keep me from wondering how he could care that much for me. I've also noticed that he jumps whenever his family or friends ask him to - which annoys me because I know that's a part of co-dependency - the inability to set boundaries. Good and bad comes with this sort of a relationship....but I have to say it "beats" the relationship I was in before where my ex was abusive. Good luck to you - and may you find "healthy" love.

July 19, 2005
5:12 pm
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glittered when he walked
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well, for the record i didn't know i was choosing to be with a drug addicted cheater when i chose her at the time that i did. It is my plan and desire to never make that choice again if I ever have the opportunity to make a new choice again. My children are the only things making me stay. I feel obligated to try for their sake. True, I might not be doing them any favors, but I havr to give it one last shot.

as for how people seem/are on here..well that can be a lot like the problem w/ the internet...you only see that part of the other person that they want you to see. When you meet someone face to face and see how they interact without self-editing you get a different picture sometimes. the nice part of getting to know people via the computers is that you get to know someone fromn the inside out (hopefully)..much like they used to do long long ago when people courted by letters.

July 19, 2005
10:27 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi Butterfly,

I value romantic love because to me it is the epitome of sharing. I can’t think a setting more ideal for truly revealing yourself and thoroughly learning about someone else. For someone, like me, who craves to be understood this is something worth waiting for, praying for, preserving yourself for…

For me it’s both; loving someone and being loved are hopeless intertwined! I don’t think I could do one without the other. One of my problem is that I’m not usually “hooked” on a guy until he tells me that he needs me or can’t live without me or something intensely codependent like that. Much like you, I’ve chosen to be focus on getting healthy before I get involved again.

I am familiar with that principle of loving yourself the way a lover would. It reads very well on paper doesn’t it? The only problem I find is that sometimes when you’re done taking a moonlit stroll with yourself, or engaging in deep thoughts with yourself, you can still feel a little empty, a little lonely. But, I can see how that would be considered productive pain…growing pain. And, I guess it’s a small price to pay for stopping the cycle and growing whole as you spoke of.

Stay encouraged my friend. You will, I will, we will be whole.

Carolina's Dad
Touche'

Glittered,
I am the CEO in charge of Self-Editing. I would say half of what I type never gets out there. Always on guard, always representing, always apologizing…hopefully you can’t relate. On a lighter note, Getting to know someone from the inside out…much like they used to do long, long ago when people courted by letters. THAT, is s an incredibly sweet thought! That’s exactly what I’m miss most about celibacy, and waiting and preserving. I’m not saying that I ever had them, but I miss it more than you could ever know. And I won’t apologize for it, retract it or self-edit it at all.

July 19, 2005
10:51 pm
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starkist1956
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HI, have you ever heard the saying the good guys come in last ....I myself as a codependant...passed up the good ones because thier was nothing to contoll or fix .....I know now untill I fix myself no man will ever be good enough ,when I am the one who is not relationship ready ...I know what I attract... wanted loosers....been thier done that,even if you meet them online or face to face.The key is to love ourselves first.

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