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Wouldn't it be Awesome if....
October 24, 2006
8:40 pm
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VelvetHeart
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we could start a National Leave Our Abusers Day and all the women and men who are involved with abusers LEAVE them?!?! And us women and men gather for the BEST party EVER?!?!??!

There needs to be a way to get all the knowledge and information talked about on this life-saving website out to the hurting souls in this world. It needs to be talked about more, in schools, in our religious affiliations, newspaper and magazine articles, to make it common knowledge. I don't know, could this be possible? Then if we loving and decent people don't bother with these abusers, they would only have each other to deal with...Wow! could be alot of blood shed.

~Velvet thinking out loud

October 24, 2006
10:00 pm
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Ned 348
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That sounds great to me (btw I'm glad you let the guys come to the party too - I'm smiling as I'm writing this). It is funny because I was looking at a site called meetup.com where you actually can meet up or start a group to meet up with folks from your area. There are a lot of listings to choose from (good for all us lonely souls of here). I haven't done it yet (joined) but I will. You can meet other singles or you can join groups of your liking - cooking, hiking, kayaking, walking, etc. So I don't know about saving everyone but it is nice to know that there are groups where you can get with like-minded people and can kind of have the type of party you are talking about. Yeah, you're party would be real cool.

October 24, 2006
10:52 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Hi Ned,
I saw that site also, meetup.com, it's very cool. I signed up but haven't attended any get togethers yet. Yeah, everyone posting on this site should 'meet up' and party! We deserve to feel happy and enjoy life! We've been spending too much of our time, love, caring and attention to the wrong unappreciative people. Can you tell I'm at the anger stage in my grieving from getting dumped by my ex abusive bf? I haven't see you around, do you have a thread of your story?

~velvet

October 25, 2006
6:13 pm
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Ned 348
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The anger stage feels just awful but it is one more stage to go through to get to the peaceful stage. It all takes time, unfortunately which I know you've heard a thousand times. I guess we have to do an internal study of ourselves and what we really want and need. Once we know that, I think, we are well on our way. I'm so happy that you signed up for the site and I hope it works out for you. Maybe we can update one another when we do venture out and explore these adventures. I kind of come and visit this site from time to time to see what is going on. I put out a thread probably about 7 or 8 months ago when I needed to vent about my childhood. It was about how my mother would always compare me to my brothers and how they were so much smarter and I was retarded, she would always say that they found me on the doorstep and never tell me she was joking. She also said that I was a mistake right in front of me. Sometimes she would say I wish you were never born. Not good. My father said I wasn't his child (they weren't married) until I was six and then he claimed me and wanted to see me. But I would always have a fit because I didn't know him and I had heard what he had said about me. I know others have been through so much more than I have but sometimes I still feel so worthless to myself but I am trying to overcome it. Sometimes I still fall victim to myself and feel no one cares and it would be easier not being alive. Then I feel screw them even if they do care because it shows how stupid anyone who cares really is anyway. Then I say no maybe checking out is the easy way out and I deserve to live so that I can suffer. That is why I am trying to improve myself. It is just all so messed up. Probably what I went through is so trivial but sometimes it still tears me apart because I was just a kid.

October 25, 2006
11:04 pm
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VelvetHeart
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(((Ned)))

It sounds like your family had/has some definite dysfunction going on. Is it possible for you to see that your mother and father were very troubled souls and you were basically an innocent bystander that got the brunt of their wrath? Still, as a child you took everything to heart and believed what your parents told you as the truth. Have you been in any therapy? Check out this website: http://www.joyfulcoaching.com I just signed up for 7 free lessons on what we need to know to heal. Don't trivialize your bad feelings. You have them because you need to heal your inner child. My heart goes out to you. Please hang in there and continue to work on your inner self and become your best friend. Meetup.com is a good start. Yes, I'd like to find out how you're doing and how meetup.com is working for you also.

Let's stay in touch,
~Velvet

October 26, 2006
6:49 pm
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Ned 348
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I read a book entitled Making Peace with Your Past by Harold Bloomfield, M.D. In the book he gives great advice and exercises to help a person deal with whatever issues they may have. I could never confront my mother now because she is old and weak. I know the she is ashamed, remorseful and repentive for the things that she has done. She is very religious now so although she has never apologized to me she has made peace with God. In the book he says that if you write a letter and put all that you would like to express to that person in the letter, it is almost as good as saying it to them. He says put down all your feelings not matter how much anger and hate you feel toward that person, no matter how much you love them. If the letter takes several days, take the time to complete how they made or make you feel. Then burn the letter to symbolize you are letting go. You can make a copy but burn the original. That is one of several exercises. I did some but not all of them and I was feeling pretty good for a minute. I need to go back and read the book several times if need be and finish what I started. My father has children all over the place whom I have never met, which of course means I have brothers and sisters I have never met. The best thing to come out of this is that I met a woman that was staying with my mother several years ago. My mother introduced us and told me she was my cousin. This cousin loves me to death and says she wants me to meet the rest of the family. My mother said that my father said I wasn't his child, which was true in the beginning. My cousin said - we don't care what he said, "Ned" has a lot of family and they all want to meet him. So I will be going out that way around Thanksgiving with my camera and a pen and paper to meet my other family. I get emotional thinking about it. All those lost years, we are all strangers connected by blood. All of them and me a party of one. But it is time. Lord knows it is time. I did check out the site it looks very good. Wow Velvet I feel like you are my new best friend. Thanks.

October 27, 2006
7:00 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Ned,
That's really great about your cousin and that you'll be going there to meet your other family! So now you can make strong connections, feel the love from them, express the love inside of you, and truly enjoy those individuals. This can be a new era in your life! You have another chance to not feel like you're 'a party of one'. Try not to be afraid to open your heart and feel their love for you. You're right, it is time. You'll have to let me know how it goes, can't wait to hear. Until next time, stay strong and I wish you peace and comfort.

~V

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