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Working through Codependent behavior
February 14, 2004
2:57 pm
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
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I've heard the term "codependent" for years and at one point in time, had someone tell me they felt I was. But, like most, I was stuck in my life and my (or others) "problems to solve". I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with my issues because that meant I would have to change and I've never been a big fan of change. So, I kept telling myself that I my situation was workable and that I didn't have the same problems as "those people". Recently though, I've started realizing how much I depend on other people for my own happiness and self-worth. I've been through a lot over the years, thinking back on my childhood, my first marriage, and now my second ... I see how much I've tried to control the situations and people around me in order to feel secure and loved. I've been reading "Codependent No More" and have found almost every chapter to be insightful and relateable to my life. I've had to admit that I am codependent and it's hard to do. I feel a little ashamed and embarassed that I don't have a real sense of self - I've defined myself through my job, through my husband, etc. I've tried to "fix" my husband's issues. I'm focusing on the part of detaching right now and focusing on my own issues - trying to let him focus on his. It's not easy. Some days are good, some days are difficult. I am lucky that he is supportive and really has tried to be there for me. Though, my neediness, clinginess, and anxiety has in many ways made him feel "trapped". Just wondering if anyone else out there is in this first stage of "recovery". I guess I am looking for people that are truly trying to change themselves for the better, trying to think positive, and looking for support as well. I don't just want to moan and groan about my problems; I truly am looking to grow.

February 14, 2004
11:11 pm
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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It's funny, but I just found this site a few days ago, and have found many people with the same issues.

You sound like you're in the same boat I am. All I can say, is dig deep into your heart and hear what your soul is telling you.

I read the same books you're reading and looked for the chapter that had my name on it, with an explanation of what I am supposed to do next. Guess what -- it's not there!

The problem with this problem, is only you have the answer and you probably already know what the answer is. We're all just waiting for "permission" to do it! Go do it!

February 15, 2004
12:15 pm
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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Isnt this post board just the greatest?? Ive read many many books on codependency, and realize that yes, I am a codependent. I am a woman who has and does, love too much, am way too loyal to those who have hurt me, and am always looking for validation from others.
What is it about taking our power back, that is so scary?? are we scared of rejection, or negative reactions from others? I have come to the point in thinking that, I am valid, my thoughts and opinions are just as important as anyone elses, and am fully capable of doing what I need to do to survive and yes, thrive. No more giving myself away to those people and situations that just take more from what I have to give. Its time to give to ourselves. Time to be a bit "selfish" ( in the good sort of way) and value ourselves. Just tons of thoughts on this rainy sunday morning, with my hot cup of coffee....

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