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WOMEN QUOTES - FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE
May 7, 2002
2:49 pm
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capj
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Inside every older person is a
younger person - wondering what the
hell happened.
- Cora Harvey Armstrong -
...........................................

The hardest years in life are
those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73) -
.............................................

I refuse to think of them as chin
hairs. I think of them as stray
eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-
.............................................

Whoever thought up the word Mammogram?
Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed
to put my breast in an envelope and send
it to someone.
-Jan King-
.............................................

A few weeks after my surgery, I went
out to play catch with my golden
retriever. When I bent over to pick
up the ball, my prosthesis fell out.
The dog snatched it, and I found
myself chasing him down the road
yelling Hey, come back here with my breast!
-Linda Ellerbee-
.............................................

Things are going to get a lot worse
before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-
.............................................

You know the hardest thing about
having cerebral palsy and being a woman?
It's plucking your eyebrows. That's
how I originally got pierced ears.
-Geri Jewell-
.............................................
A male gynecologist is like an auto
mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-
.............................................

Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-
.............................................
My second favorite household chore is
ironing. My first being, hitting my head
on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-
.............................................
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-
.............................................
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-

.............................................
The phrase working mother is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-
.............................................
Every time I close the door on reality
it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-

.............................................
Whatever women must do they must do
twice as well as men to be thought half
as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

.............................................
Thirty-five is when you finally get
your head together and your body starts
falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-

.............................................
I try to take one day at a time,
but sometimes several days attack me
at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
............................................
If you can't be a good example, then
you'll just have to be a horrible
warning.
-Catherine Aird-
.............................................
When I was young, I was put in a
school for retarded kids for two years
before they realized I actually had a
hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley-
.............................................

I'm not offended by all the dumb
blonde jokes because I know I'm not
dumb . . and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-
.............................................
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb
women, but you hardly ever see a smart
woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong-
.............................................
If high heels were so wonderful, men
would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-
.............................................
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears
makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-

.............................................
I think---therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead-
.............................................

When women are depressed they
either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country.
Elayne Boosler-

.............................................
Behind every successful man is a
surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson

.............................................
In politics, if you want anything
done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-
.............................................
I have yet to hear a man ask for
advice on how to combine marriage and a
career.
-Gloria Steinem-
.............................................
I never married, because there was no
need. I have three pets at home which
answer the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog that growls every morning,
a parrot that swears all afternoon,
and a cat that comes home late every
night.
-Marie Corelli-
.............................................
If men can run the world, why can't
they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day
by tying a noose around your neck?

-Linda Ellerbee-
............................................

I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man I keep his
house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-
.............................................
Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
...........................................

The end . . . maybe add a few more. Hope you enjoyed this or got a chuckle or two!

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