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Wny do people wear a mask?
July 18, 2007
7:39 pm
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Rasputin
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Why do you think people wear a mask when all the time? What makes them do that? Why do people live in denial? Should we wake them up and let them face the truth OR should we let sleeping dogs lie?

July 18, 2007
7:46 pm
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justmakinit9
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i think that some people wear a mask because they think that its easier than facing the truth of the matter....
this is kind of what i have done most of my life before i finally admitted that i am depressed....so i know that just denying it may be easier for some but in the long run if they just face the truth it will be better....

July 18, 2007
8:24 pm
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on my way
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hi Ras...

Fear, or self-hatred, or people-pleasing, or not even knowing who they are.

I say if you have a talent for helping people remove their masks, then do so and do it out of love, but if you do not, then maybe best not to say anything.

July 18, 2007
8:35 pm
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fantas
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Hi Ras,

I think it's self preservation. It's like emotional and psychological fainting or coma. We are not yet ready or able to face the truths about us so we live life as if our experiences didn't exist. It's a way of keeping ourselves a live until we can deal with the pain of our past.

July 18, 2007
8:45 pm
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Rasputin
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Thanks all for your responses which all make sense to me. I honestly prefer to Not get involved. Although I love this gf, yet I'd rather not intervene. She is an adult enough to realize that she's living in denial.

Once again thanks folks for the smart responses!!!

July 19, 2007
10:54 am
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glittered when he walked
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as OMW said...fear or ignorance is why people wear masks - I think.

what constitutes wearing a mask though? Is being tactful or restrained when you would really like to ream someone a new one, wearing a mask?

Don't many people behave differently at work than they do at home? is that wearing a mask?..ya know..being "professional"

or when we speak of wearing a mask are we talking about hiding our true selves from those close to us?

July 19, 2007
2:25 pm
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truthBtold
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We are not born wearing a mask...so somewhere along the way - we learn to put one (or more) on.

Thing is to try and get back to that place where we didn't need to wear one.......

(Also - one of my favorite songs is by George Benson: "This Masquarade." An oldie (1970's) - but a goodie!)

July 19, 2007
2:50 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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No way you can wake people up. If they have a mask on they like it, they are comfortable in it. ONly the person can change his or her mask.
You know that Billy Joel song?
"oh we all have a face that we hide way from others and we take them out and put them on when no one is around.
Some are satin, some are steel some are silk and some are leather.....

I have many faces.

July 19, 2007
4:28 pm
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fantas
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Ras, you just have to accept your friend for who she is and where she is at. Sometimes that means that we have to look out for ourselves because they one wearing the mask may not know when they cross you.

July 19, 2007
7:06 pm
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Rasputin
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Glit~ Behaving professionally is not wearing a mask. We have no choice but to behave like that. I does not mean that we are being hypocrite or mask-wearers.

I think you become wearing a mask when you're sad inside or in pain and you suppress your pain just to help you get by so that you don't get criticized.

Another mean of wearing a mask is to pretend or assume another personna when deep inside you know you're nothing like that at all or totally the opposite.

TBT~ Right on, as always you hit the nail on the head and right to the point.

TT~ Very true. I am a great believe that people should initiate there own change, esp after being help from my codep tendencies.
Do you Really have a mask? Is it deceptive one or just professional one?

Fan~ Don't worry hon. I've been healed from my codep. B4 I used to revel at wanting to change people. Right now after being healed, all I can hope for is...keep them in my prayers.

July 19, 2007
7:15 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I think that all too often the way that people handle delicate souls is the reason that they wear a mask.

As a child of sexual abuse, being made to believe that I liked it, or that I asked for it. Yes, I have felt the need to wear a mask...why?? Because the world doesn't understand it, and it is all too often that people tell you to suck it up and move on. It isn't just that easy. It makes me sick that people expect us to be honest about who we are to only tear us down. Eventually, you get sick of that. You learn that your pain really doesn't matter to anyone. So what do you do? You put on a mask, because you feel that you have to, to be accepted.

The thought that you could change this about anyone, makes me crazy. Those masks will come off not one moment before you earn that trust and respect. I will only be me for the people that I know that will accept me for me. I don't go out of my way to be something that I am not (i.e. rich, famous, or have a sweet job that I don't have) That is just deceitful, and a lie. A mask is worn as protection. If you still want to try to change people, you have NOT overcome your co-dep ways. And you just asked others opinions...so you weren't sure. It isn't your place. These people will take their masks off when they feel safe, and comfortable and able to trust those that deserve it.

Once again, just my opinion.

July 21, 2007
2:06 pm
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white dove
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I wear my mask because my family wont let me be myself. they dont know a thing about my life. they dont know about how i feel what i do. im just there to be moaned at or if they need me. i tried to take the mask of but i just got negative remarks back, like i should not have a life and be happy because they are not happy.

July 21, 2007
3:21 pm
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Rasputin
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(((WD)))

I identify with this a lot hon. When I lived with my family of origin, I had to wear a mask a lot. When I had my mask off, I would put my self in great trouble. When you come from dusfunctional family, you don't have a choice. I highly recommend you to move out, relocate or go somewhere far from them.

Don't be harsh on yourself. Sometimes we have no choices. Bottom line is you realize it, confess it and make amends to change.

July 21, 2007
11:27 pm
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red blonde
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Some wear masks because they are afraid that when people don't know them, they will not like them, think them ugly, or stupid, or weird, or something. Or they are too vulnerable and don't want people to know that.

July 22, 2007
9:18 pm
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Anonymous
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Ras, good for you that you dont need to fix other people. Some people wear masks and that´s ok but its sad when it´s a bad mask or one that doesnt fit. I like this from you: "eople should initiate there own change." Bravo!

My 2 cents to keep the discussion going...

One likes to see people in facets and masks, esp. the one mask one is familiar with preferably since birth.

When one attempts to show more than one mask to people, they either get confused or disappointed.

Most people wear masks b/c they dont want to reinvent themselves. Oddly, they usually believe in the concept of human evolution.

People will tend to wear many masks. Take one woman: a professional psychologist, a devoted mother, a caring sister, a content daughter, a happy wife, an assumed lesbian, a committed school counselor, a raving recycling volunteer, a 100% Yankees fan, an amateur cook, a pastime gardener, a smart political activist, the diplomatic condomium owners´ association liaison person, a congenial neighbor, a loving little league´s snack provider and whathaveyou. When this woman dies they throw another mask at her:

"Oh, poor soul!"

July 23, 2007
9:47 pm
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Rasputin
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Sini, funny...interesting thing you say this about that woman wearing so many masks. Tell me, does that woman exist? How can she wear all those masks or rather hats? How can she manage doing them?

I don't like people who wear a mask of being nice only to find out in time, that they were wearing a mask, esp at work. I always give people the benefit of the doubt even when sometimes I don't like them.

Yes, I think most mask wearers come from a family where at least one parent was wearing a mask.

July 23, 2007
10:54 pm
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jv63
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well this might get a few negative responses but I believe we all wear a mask. People who don't think they wear a mask are simply in denial, or are unaware that they are wearing it. The minute we are taught not to just be ourselves we begin to invent th mask. people of a codependant nature or alcaholic/addict usually have a variety of masks. The social comealian (can't spell it)the person who takes on a different persona depending on the company. Also takes on different points of view depending upon the strength of the personality of the person or persons in a given situation. The tendancy to people please the need to be accepted, altering ones behavior and sacrificing true beliefs for acceptance drives people to wear a mask. I believe this is genuinely a huge part of recovery. I personally began crafting my mask collection at an early age so early in fact that when i got around to recognizing it there was little left of who i really am. I know why the mask for me i wanted my parents to love me accept me so i had to find a way to become acceptable. The same thing applied to school teachers and adminastrators like the good boys and despise the bad boys. the clergy was no different. My existance became a big ball of worry about reward and punishment. the hard real part of recovery is dismantling the series of masks unpeeling the layers of the onion untill we rediscover the beautiful creature that a kind loving creator mads. not only made but loves with all our flaws and insecurities, all our wonderful natural qualities. To sum up my deep feeling on the subject of the mask I fabricated it piece by piece made of anxiety terror and the fear of being utterly alone. The tools of demolition for this mask are faith in my loving kind God and love and acceptance for God and all those he created including me. just my opinion.

July 24, 2007
12:17 am
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Matteo
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Tiger Trainer and jv63 ~ you are talking about wearing a mask which is practically equal to having different personalities at different times.

jv63, you've said: "I believe we all wear a mask". Perhaps, but then we should differentiate between wearing a mask for clearly and simply the purpose of functioning within a society and wearing a mask to hide behind it or to please others.

For example - my lover left me last night and I was crying a good deal; I go to work and wear the mask of "happiness" like nothing happened in my personal life. My close friends will know about my drama, but I have to act as a fully functioning professional at my work and cannot cry in front of customers or coworkers. I don't really consider it "wearing a mask".

However, if, as an example, I behave the way it is "expected" from me at the workplace and as a result I act which is considered in my view unethical and don't protest, if I have a different personality, changing it like a chameleon depending on the environment and my emotions, if I compromise my values, emotions and needs for the sake of appearances, pleasing, and/or acceptance or personal gain - then yes, I would wear a mask.

I had a privilege to know a few people in my life who didn't wear a mask in my understanding. Those people were either very simple or very sophisticated, but what they had in common was that they were true to themselves and their values. From what I read - it is very rare that people don't wear the mask(s) and it requires a great deal of maturity and self-acceptance.

July 24, 2007
12:26 am
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Matteo
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As red blonde pointed out in another thread, you've said it, jv63: "Find the courage to live in your own TRUTH"; only then you can get rid of your masks collection.

July 24, 2007
1:45 pm
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jv63
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Hi matteo

In your post you mentioned

"Perhaps, but then we should differentiate between wearing a mask for clearly and simply the purpose of functioning within a society and wearing a mask to hide behind it or to please others"

To me this kind of justification and rationalization only serves to keep us in denial and ultimently keeps us sick.

your example says "I go to work and wear the mask of "happiness" like nothing happened in my personal life. My close friends will know about my drama, but I have to act as a fully functioning professional at my work and cannot cry in front of customers or coworkers. I don't really consider it "wearing a mask".

This example doesn't make sense to me if you have to hide your emotions wouldn't you just stay home and deal with them???? I have seen alot of people go through break ups and most of them take some time off. Then come back but these are not the kind of people who have the weekly "drama" in thier life.

If you are "wearing the mask of happiness" who are you wearing it for? are your emotions so far out of whack that you have to hide them???

I think you Know what i mean when i say we all wear a mask. When ever your impersonating someone like wearing the mask of happiness" this is not healthy behavior it's just good ol denial

jv63

July 24, 2007
3:37 pm
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Matteo
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" To me this kind of justification and rationalization only serves to keep us in denial and ultimently keeps us sick." That's to you, jv63.

To me that's the way to keep myself afloat and allow myself for the breaks from my pain and grieving when I am forced to deal with other things than the trauma I am going through. Getting out there and continuing with my regular activities actually kept me alive not made me sick. They helped me see that my problem is not overtaking the whole world and there is a life for me and others outside and despite of it. My behaviour, personality, values, and opinions were not changed or compromised because of that, quite the opposite, and I was truthful to myself, because I wanted to go out get better and stop thinking and feeling my pain. I doubt that staying at home for months would make me feel better.

Applying your reasoning those people who stayed at home - for how long actually? - shouldn't stay at home at all, should go to work or wherever they usually go and proclaim to the whole world what happened to them. Where their feelings "so far out of whack" that they had to hide them? What's the difference if they came to work "wearing the mask" or hide at home? Maybe only then in your understanding they wouldn't wear the mask if they came out and openly talked about their business to all who are and not interested in it?

If you wish to believe that people always are wearing the masks - so be it, but in my opinion there is a fine line between keeping a face in times of distress and lying to everybody including yourself, but apparently it is too fine for some to see it.

July 24, 2007
3:46 pm
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Matteo
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To add to it; I never denied my pain, not to myself, neither to others, those who cared enough to see and ask. It is again, not the same as denying your feelings and saying: now I will put "happy" mask on and get over it and be happy no matter what. This is what wearing the mask means to me: not being truthful to myself; but I've said that already and I don't think I can express myself any more clearly than that.

July 24, 2007
3:50 pm
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nappy
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I believe everyone wears masks from time to time, it is only when some peoples take them masks off that can be scary.

The ones that tickle me is the masks of "LOOK I AM A WONDERFUL PERSON, I AM THE ONE TRUE LOVE THAT WILL NEVER HURT YOU"

But boy when they take that sucker off, that is a scary sight and I would be running into the hills. (smile)
Nappy

July 24, 2007
6:04 pm
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Matteo
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"I believe everyone wears masks from time to time, it is only when some peoples take them masks off that can be scary." Lol!

July 26, 2007
12:47 pm
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truthBtold
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Well, I just have to chime in here with a poem I wrote recently that addresses this very subject:

Honesty

There is a level of honesty....
of me - and about me - DEEP DOWN inside of me.

...and today, I took a peek - - -mustering up just enough courange to lay my masks down.....

(at least for just - a little while.)

....and now.....

and now -

perhaps I'll know a sliver of peace....

first person

first person

first person

first and LAST person......

most solemnly -

(ever juxtaposedly)

ME!!!!!!!

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