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Wish my daughter would listen
September 6, 2003
1:07 pm
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Anonymous
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My daughter has a really violent boyfriend and i sure hate to see her go through what i went through with my husband. But all i can do is give her advise she has to make her own decisions and it is very hard for me to sit and just stay in the background, i feel like getting a hold of that boyfriend and just punching him out but that wouldn't accomplish anything at all.

September 6, 2003
1:30 pm
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Anonymous
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Well I think you should scare the
s---t out of him. Its your daughter and I would find a way to protect her. Men get away with too much tolerance so they go on and hurt more. Really I do think you should at lest let him know that you know about his ways and they are unacceptable!!!!!!!!!!

September 7, 2003
9:24 am
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Anonymous
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Pam,

You are in a fragile situation. If you step in, you run the risk of your daughter deciding she needs to keep things from you, or defend her boyfriend because she doesn't want to hear "I told you..." I know you would never intentionally do anything like that to her, it's just so hard because people in bad situations like this can find themselves on the defensive for no reason at all. Keep the lines of communication. Maybe talking to her about what you wish you could change about your past relationship(s) rather than talking to her about her present relationship would be a good way to get your message across without her feeling like you're telling her what to do. Also, I think if I were her, and I heard about the things you learned, and what things were like for you, it would set a good example for me. As your daughter, I would feel honored by your honesty, and my respect for you would grow because of it.

I hope everything works out alright.

Love,

Arwen

September 7, 2003
5:28 pm
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Anonymous
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thanks folks it is hard being a concerned parent especially what i have been through in my relationships, but all i can do is be here for her and give her my support, he already knows i don't like his behavior he is home one more week and i will just have lunch with her i don't care to spend time with him and she knows that and respects that.

September 7, 2003
8:35 pm
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Anonymous
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Expose her to as much info as possible. Maybe this forum. Books on abuse. Let her have some inclining about co-dependency and being a victim and the law and the moral obligation of her boyfriend to treat her with respect.

Educate her as much as possible. Tell her it's between you and her. Let her trust your descretion.

Keep throwing key words and phrases at her to keep her thinking about this problem. Don't let it go, but don't overdo it so she tunes it out.

Tell her how he SHOULD have acted in any situation. Tell her how she deserves to be treated well.

Clue her in as much and as often as you can. You can lead a horse to water........

I hope she drinks from your well of experience.

September 8, 2003
9:44 am
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If she grew up in a violent home, she will be looking for a repeat of that. It's all she knows and it's what she thinks is "normal". The 'exicted misery' of living like that.

If possible, get her into counseling with or without you. If you can do an intervention and see that she learns what to expect from a decent partner it may save her life.

How long did you stay with your husband? How much exposure to his violence did she have? Are you still with him? Are you being a good example for her?

September 10, 2003
12:24 pm
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pam g fu
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she didn't grow up in a violent home, i guess she is like me has always like the bad boys, she is seeing the light thanks for the help

September 10, 2003
12:30 pm
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unhappy camper
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Yeah....that's a quality that I bet a lot of us share "liking the bad boys".

I was always told I like to mix it up with "the big boys".

I am glad she is aware of the situation and her alternatives. She is lucky that you were able to help her. It's wonderful. 🙂

September 13, 2003
6:11 pm
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pam g fu
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thanks to all

September 19, 2003
2:43 am
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heisthe1
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pam g fu

Sounds like you have some anger issues also. You fail to mention the age of your daughter, if she is the legal age, there is not much you can do to stop her relationship, however if she is a minor, there is a lot you can do legally.

Have you and your daughter thought of counseling? This would have a great impact on both of you, so you can heal from your wounds from your past relationship.

You both have a purpose in life, your are not here by accident, do whatever you must do to have peace in your family. You and your daughter deserve to have the best God intended for you to have. You are not alone, there are many others that are willing to help guide you to the path you are looking for.

Thank you for letting me share with you.

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