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Will my BF go to jail? (Gambling problem)
August 2, 2004
7:42 pm
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BabyJane
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Hi
My boyfriend has a gambling problem...Its hard for me not to take the problem on board. I feel this huge weight on me. He has had problems before and I thought he was back on track. This morning he admited to me that he has stolen money from work and needs to try and pay it back before they find out and sack him and lay charges.

I could get cash off my credit card so he can replace the money but I don't know if I should. Last time he got stuck and I helped him out. I paid his rent and made him sandwhiches etc. I then got really dependent on him. I'm really scared. I love him. I wish I hated him. I wish I felt angry but I just feel anxious and scared. What do you guys think I should do? He has asked me not to tell anyone but I really wish I had someone to talk to.
Thanks for reading.

August 2, 2004
11:23 pm
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annastar
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Giving him money calls “enabling”. This is what will incourage him to continue. How much are we talking about? Just want to know- how far he is in to it. I would say- do not help. Start considering new boyfriend. You can help, if he agrees go to counseling, it this expanse will not kill your credit card. See- it usually does not work. I spent so much money on guys with drug problems…you can’t help them, to they ready to help themselves- the point is- see how bad it is- if he gets cut- he may get approbation and some treatment- good for him. If you just give him money- he’ll take it! And then he will ask for more. And if you don’t have it… Ask him what is he planning to do, if you help. And then again- DO NOT help if it more then 600!

August 2, 2004
11:57 pm
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BabyJane
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Thanks annastar.
He has taken $1500. Part of me wants to run. But I adore him. Our relationship is good as long as I don't forget about looking after myself and his gambling is in check. He has had counseling in the past and says he will go back. I thought he was better. He hates himselp for doing it. He is a highly educated, intelligent and respected man. I just don't get it. Why does he do it to himself?

August 3, 2004
12:24 am
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annastar
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He is doing it, because he is addicted to feelings he getting from it. When he wins, he feels high, when he looses- he feels…high…Chemical process in the brain. Nothing will change to he understands how it works for him. Like- some people like car racing. You may think- what is so fun about it? Well- the danger. Forgive me for asking- if he is so “educated and respected”- how come he needs to take money from your credit card, and not from his? Does he have credit card? Does he have a balance on it? I would find out. If he is the type of person that feels comfortable caring balance on a card- in no time he will use your money, and you never know how far he can go, when he will get “in trance” again. 1500$- no way! He needs help!

August 3, 2004
12:43 am
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BabyJane
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He cut up all of his credit cards when he had thearpy. I guess its a protective measure. He had just paid back all his debits from the last time.

I won't give him the money. You are right.

I feel so scared.

August 3, 2004
9:20 am
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CAMER
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BabyJane: I too used to go out with a gambler...he never admitted he had a problem. You never get rich by gambling either..it is just a "high" when you win, its a "high" when you play. It is an addiction....do not
enable him by helping him in any way, esp. do not give him money...He got himself into this mess, its up to him to get out of it!!! you can still love him, just do not help him, he needs to recover on his own. With the money he stole from work, if they find out he will most likely lose his job!!! then how will his bills get paid!! he needs help!

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