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will it stop?
April 22, 2009
11:54 am
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soofoo
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I did not know how the abuse was affecting me until I got out of the relationship. Many, many symptoms I had just went away when I wasn't with him anymore. Including obsessive thinking, worry, depression, inability to make decisions, running over the same things over and over again in my mind. You have no idea how strong you are until you get out. You gain abilities.

He cannot change if he is with you, because he already gets away with hitting you. Even then, his chances of changing are very slim.

April 24, 2009
7:15 am
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myselfandi
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thanks for all your comments,there very encouraging.you are all very strong people.
well i talked it out with him and im so embarresed,it actually was my fault,i feel so stupid,i got too caught up in my own things that i completely forgot what happened that started it.every one has a little thing that dont like,well he doesnt like me complaining,and i was complaining that night before i went to bed.so he got angry.well thats his thing and i have to respect that.as he said i should be happy for what i have,theres so many ppl losing there jobs and homes now days,ive been selfish making a thing out of this.
anyway i appalagised for starting it and he agreed to get some help to deal with his anger.well for now im goning to try to get out and start building myself up.set goals for myself and try get back my life.
i just want to thank every one for being so supportive,i wish each and everyone of you all the best...
xxx
x

April 24, 2009
9:45 am
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CAMER
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just cuz you complain, doesn't give him the right to get angry, and break your fingers and abuse you....he is doing the "reverse psychology" and acting like it was "your fault" that he has anger issues...please don't buy into that crap.

I truely hope he gets help with his anger....if he doesn't, then its time to rethink everything again.

And yes, try to get out, build yourself up, cuz you don't know what is going to happen in the future.

April 24, 2009
10:03 am
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SpecialK
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Do you really believe you deserve to have your fingers broken by your life partner because you complained about something? DO YOU REALLY?

Please get out of there!

April 24, 2009
11:04 am
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butterflykisses
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myselfandi - you said that you caused the one sided fight (abuse) the other night when your fingers were broken. What about the nights he comes home from the bar, then throws you up against the wall, standing on you, kicking you. Did you "cause" that too? No human being should ever do that to another human, or animal! I was emotionally abused before and my sister was physically abused in her first marriage.

You said you haven't seen your family in a long time. I know my sister was embarrased to reach out for help, thought that she had disappointed us, her family. When my brother went to visit her, he helped her move away from that *?*>!*

You said you haven't seen your family in a long time. Did you have a good relationship growing up, with at least 1 person in your family? Can you call that one person, or someone in your family? it is common for an abuser to isolate their victim (you) from all friends, family, etc.

When my sister saw that her family still loved her, she started talking to us more, and knew we were there to help her and that we all loved her still. No matter how long it has been, I'm sure your family would be there to help you and they love you.

Please, don't stay for the what if's, could have beens, and I could have tried harders. You have tried. You have walked softly, worn gloves in your own home, had his children, probably cook him meals, clean his house, do his laundry. You have done your part. Please - call someone in your family and ask for help. You don't deserve to be treated this way, and your kids, if they don't know now, will eventually be old enough to know what is going on. Please know that you are worth it.

April 24, 2009
11:15 am
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soofoo
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Myselfandi,

Maybe you don't feel strong enough to leave yet, but that does not mean that it is your fault that he beat you. It absolutely is not your fault. I don't care how much you complained. Now maybe your scared and lonely and maybe you love him, but I'm not going to support your notion that you caused this, because you didn't girl, that is a lie. I support YOU, and part of that means I don't support stuff that is going to hurt you. And believing this is your fault is hurting you and preventing you from protecting yourself. There is nothing you can do to stop or manage his anger.

April 24, 2009
11:19 am
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StronginHim77
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The Good News: You want to get some support and help for yourself...you want to get stronger and do some good things to help yourself.

The Bad News: You bought his bull that he was justified in physically abusing you because you had complained about something.

I was married to my late husband for twenty years. Trust me...I complained ALOT during those two decades. At times, I remember being so mad or exasperated that I got right in his face. But he NEVER raised a hand to me. Hitting someone is NEVER okay, other than in self-defense.

This man is a toxic abuser. He is going to hurt your children down the road, too. And he will increase his violence towards you. Your injuries will get more serious because he has learned that you will take it...you don't report him...you don't even seek medical help for your own broken bones.

Get medical help. And get out of there. And save yourself and your children from this evil man.

- Ma Strong

April 24, 2009
12:34 pm
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lucky831
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(((Myself)))

Please listen to Ma, she has wonderful advice and the others. You are not the only one in the world that has gone through this. NO ONE ever deserves physical abuse for anything. So you mind my asking, where it is that you live? That way people can find some help for you, if you are not sure where to look.

You need to get away from this man before one day he goes too far and takes your life not just your self esteem, confidence, dignity etc. Please let someone help you, and as scary as it may seem, you can do it on your own.

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