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will i find someone to love me
March 4, 2001
5:09 pm
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kathcake
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March 4, 2001
5:16 pm
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kathcake
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(pressed the wrong key )my husband has left me and i wonder if i will ever met anyone again .I am very shy and wouldnt know where to meet people.Will i be able to trust again?Somtimes i think i will never meet anyone else i have 3 children which doesnt help.

March 4, 2001
11:26 pm
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lost soul
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Don't wait for others to love you. LOVE yourself.

March 5, 2001
4:56 pm
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Molly
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My words exactly!!!!!

March 5, 2001
8:54 pm
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Lab
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September 24, 2010
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Hi you all is my first time here because i didn't think there will be a site in shich I can speak about my issues.. I'm divorced six years and all relationships are short, intense but very detrimental and deteriorating. I have been through theraphy for almost three years in a row and no success. When I thought I was clear and knew what i wanted and how to go by...i fell again and very hard...what now?

March 6, 2001
3:46 pm
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Cici
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Every moment of our lives we have choices. Being in therapy doesn't help you make the right choices, it's just supposed to make you more aware of why you do what you do. THEN, it's up to you to evaluate and make choices that are the most beneficial to you. The therapist can help you come up with strategies to avoid self-defeating behavior, but you are the one who has to implement them.

I saw a funny cartoon called "Rhymes with Orange". it was an illustration with two ticket booths. One was marked "Sucess" and the other was marked "Sabotage Yourself" and everyone was at the "Sabotage Yourself" window. I cut it out and put it on my fridge so I keep reminding myself of this tendency.

When you get right down to it, the only thing you truely own in this world is the attitude which you take in any given situation. The hardest part is finding out which decisions are the best ones for you. Not right or wrong, just best for YOU.

March 7, 2001
4:08 pm
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gingerleigh
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You know, I have been struggling for some time with this singleness thing, and read all these books about building self-esteem and being "enough" for yourself. Sure, I'm a strong young powerful female, who needs a man??? Not I!!! But still, there is that emptiness in me, the longing to be part of a couple, to love someone and be loved in return. After everything I'd read, I felt really really bad about myself and guilty for still wanting to spend time with a man, even on a casual basis.

But you know what? It's OK to feel that way, and it's OK to want to go out on a date with someone you find attractive, and it's OK to not be happy being single. Similarly, it's OK to want to spend Friday evening reading a good book, and it's OK to be happy being single. Really, all of this is just about living a healthy life, and being good to yourself and being good to others. It's about doing what is right for you. No one else can decide that for you but YOU.

I've been going to therapy, and have been getting bombarded with these militant messages of "don't you dare start dating again, you aren't ready, you aren't allowed to date or you're going to have to stay in therapy longer" it made me feel like I was 13 years old again, asking permission to go have some ice cream with the neighbor's boy. I felt horribly guilty for wanting to go on a date. And one morning quite recently, I woke up and thought "Wait a minute, I WANT to do this, I want to go on a date, I think it would be fun. I don't want a relationship, I want to go out on a Friday night. I know all of the warning signs to watch out for, why not? What gives anyone but ME the right to dictate my life?"

Sorry for the rant, but it felt good to get it out there. Therapy has been trying to tell me to pay more attention to my own opinions, but up to this point I haven't been really listening to them, just trying to swallow whatever the therapist tells me. And frankly, I've tried to digest it, and some of it works, but some of it is utter crap. And it feel pretty damn good to recognize that it's crap and do what is right for me.

Anyone else ever go through anything similar as far as working with therapists goes?

March 8, 2001
6:38 am
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Lotus
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Firstly, it is going to take a longtime for you to get your self confidence back on track. Once you accept this is going to take time to build up it will mean you are putting less stress on yourself to get on with things. What you need is to be loving, compassionate and patient with yourself. You have done alot of input with your family and now it is time you got positive input back from friends and family around you. You must take help when it is offered by others - pride has nothing to do with it - you need to recharge yourself and centre yourself on "loving you". Sounds strange at first - but it is so true. I am sure there are people around you who will give you some time to yourself and if not you must make time for yourself, when you are ready, and start realising that our lives are not over until we breath our last breath. Right now you may not be able to see things too clearly but in a few months you will be standing back and looking at the bigger picture of your life and realise that you are a strong, courageous woman who will be loved by another man. But as I said before, you must be compassionate and above all patient with yourself. One door may be shut right now but another is about to open. You are walking along lifes corridor and there are many doors that will be opening for you. Some difficult times but also some fantastic wonderful adventures to be had. You can do it. Dont't let anyone take the power, qualities you had from birth away from you anymore. Claim the power back by being true to yourself. Take care.

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