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Will I ever get my life back?
March 9, 2001
7:01 pm
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cindy_zen
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I'm one of those who've been hurt so much that life seems pointless and worthless.I've been sexually abused for 5 years when i was younger, and the fear of losing my family made me hide the truth until I was 20.I'm 26 now, and I've got no self confidence. Nothing seems to stick together in my life and I don't think I know what happiness is. How do I survive?

March 10, 2001
12:02 pm
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kami
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It's so horrible that anyone is ever subjected to such hideous crimes. I know that these things must be terribly hard to confront for you. But, and I know this is cheesy, have some faith in life, and just "hold on". When I was in 7th grade a song with those same words saved my life, I was ready to go, and a song came on the radio. I listened to the words and realized that life is worth it! Afterwards, I did go for counseling, but my point is, there is someone out there who cares, there is always a reason to keep on going on, and there is help, you don't have to do this alone. You can survive

March 10, 2001
12:50 pm
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janes
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How do you su;rvive...?

Seems to me you have done a GREAT job surviving.

HOW do YOU get YOUR OWN LIFE!!!!!!

Therapy.....
confrintation with abuser .... (YOU were the VICTIM)
MORE THERAPY

Look at the words "SELF" confidence. No one else can give you that...YOU must TAKE it. You have survived awful things...alone. If you cannot believe in YOU who CAN you believe in? Now maybe...if you had "told" someone would have been there for you. You will never know since you kept the abuse a secret.

But you are now an adult. Look at your life as a canvas YOU are totally in charge of.....this masterpiece is YOURS ALONE!!!!!!

Celebrate the life you have saved...YOURS. Seek help to combat the demons and MOVE along. How STRONG you are ... YOU and YOU alone. But you don't HAVE to be ALONE. Many have been abused and there may be a group close to you that you can seek help with.

Let go of the things that aren't "sicking together" in your life" and forge ahead building a new life as you go.

You have been strong. You are "together". Seek what you need to make a fulfilled complete life and damn anyone who gets in your way.

find a counselor or therapist who will work with you.

If you have relationships that do not support you......get rid of them.

You have survived and need to only surround yourself with those who love and appreciate you and .... keep doing the good job you have done so far.

March 10, 2001
9:56 pm
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cindy_zen
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Thanks Jane and Kami. I know what you're trying to tell me, and you're right I need to pick up the pieces of my life. I've sought help, leaving my family, my job, and my homeland to go to the UK for help. Finally when I found a counsellor who BELIEVES ME and who's been working with me and who I trust, she has to return to Ireland.
I know that I've survived, but maybe I've given myself the wrong reasons to survive, by believing that nothing ever happened and forcing everything back inside of me. It's okay to do that, but it's hard when you have to face a situation when you can't remember yet you have all these strong feelings.
My abuser is free to live his life, and where I'm from I'm likely to be arrested for harrassment if I were to confront him.
My family are still in denial so I'm paying the price for it. remember whenever I face these memories, I'm the 5 year old who needs the support .
I'll keep fighting, but sometimes the fight in me just goes, and the cycle won't break.
Thanks again though, it's nice to know that someone understands.

March 12, 2001
12:21 pm
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Cici
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Let it be. This is the best song ever, and the best advice ever.

As long as you live in fear and pain, you let your abuser continue to control your life. You let him/her win. Let yourself win by moving on with you life and showing the world that you can't be broken.

I was talking to one of my professors about the psychological concept of forgiveness a few days ago. He recounted a story of his close friend and her rape and how he could never forgive the perpetrator. I told him about my two rapes, and molestation as a child, and I told him that I have forgiven those three men. In my heart, inside of me, I forgave them and tried to see the situation in their perspective, however twisted that may be. There are always extenuating circumstances, behavior is often learned.

Forgiveness is a massively powerful tool, and one that can only be weilded by the victim. It can even be a weapon against negativity.

It seems like a foreign, almost absurd concept to most westerners. Why forgive, when you can hold a grudge, when you can carry your pain and anger and bitterness with you for the rest of your life?

The only person you can control in this world is YOU. You can never make them feel your pain because they will never be able to be you. But if you forgive, in your heart, it doesn't even matter any more.

March 13, 2001
6:18 am
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janes
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cic is right...nothing will change the abuse part...but changing your outlook (it affects me all the time) may help.

delegate thes horror to a part of you that only allows it to be study and not relived.

You may not be ready to forgive but it can be done.

You rlife is worth living and your survival instinct is amazing.

You are doing a good job. don't look at it as a bad life becasue of your abuse...look how much stronger you are!!!!

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