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Will he Batter?
August 3, 2005
7:41 am
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Sunnysunshine
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I found this page and wanted to share with you guys here..

If getting into an abusive relationship is preventable....

http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo.....12ways.htm

Heavy drinking or drug abuse (especially if he uses substances as an excuse for what he does: "The alcohol made me do it.")

Abuse during the courtship period is a guarantee of further abuse that will become more frequent and severe. Don't marry him with the belief that "I can change him." You won't.

Morbid jealousy. This may be a bit flattering at first, but will be a curse later on. You will never convince him that you are innocent of his accusations.

Past child abuse and/or witness of marital violence. This happens in some cases. Children learn what they live. Boys tend to copy their fathers. Abused children discipline their own children as they were taught. He may be a "violence carrier".

Inability to handle frustration. If he blows up and explodes at small things, and reacts with a tantrum over minor things, he may act out frustration with violence in a marriage. How he deals with anger is the key.

A violent temper. This speaks for itself. If you feel fear when he acts out his anger, that fear is a warning signal. Listen to it!
Cruelty to animals, abuse and mistreatment of pets, great enjoyment of hunting for the sake of killing animals could help you to face this question: What makes you know he will treat you any differently?

Preoccupation with weapons. They are an extension of self. A person is what she/he lives. If he ever "playfully" points a gun at you or ever gestures at you with another weapon, what could happen if he became very angry with you?

Mental illness. A person with an unsound mind or without any sense of moral responsibility or guilt may not be in control of his actions. Does he act in ways that you feel are abnormal or strange?

A poor self-image; insecurity about his own masculinity. If he feels compulsive about always being "one up" and dominating and he lives out a macho role at all times, you will be subject to his control and possibly treated like one of his possessions. He may feel he has the right to treat you like his property, to do as he pleases.

A pattern of blaming others, particularly his wife, for his problems. If he never accepts his faults and responsibilities when things go wrong, be ready to be blamed for everything.

Acceptance of violence as an appropriate problem-solving method. Do you want a man who talks out or acts out his anger?

August 3, 2005
7:43 am
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Sunnysunshine
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This is 12 ways to tell if he will turn into an abuser....

The guy I was dating.. had 6 out of 12 of these signs....

August 3, 2005
12:11 pm
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Rasputin
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Thank you sooooooooo Much Sunny for these illuminating infos. I will add them to my favorites!!!

~Love, RAS~

August 3, 2005
5:15 pm
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Sunnysunshine
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I wish though, if I had known this a bit earlier.. would I have been able to do things different?

Would I have been able to stop him?

I guess an abuser can only be cured only if he himself realizes what he had done, am I correct?

And if he never does realize it it will never be cured... right?

The scare he had on me is starting to ware off.. and I feel like if I do contact him now.. things might be back to the nice and the sweet time... I am wrong right?? yes??

I guess I have still much to study.. and withhold myself..

August 3, 2005
5:36 pm
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Rasputin
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You're right Sunny.

Dr. Phil says "You cannot change what you do not acknowledge."

That's why we say as long as one lives in denial, he cannot solve his problems.

I believe all conditions and sickness are treatable and solvable. The important is to have humble and open partner who does not take himself too seriously or is macho or self-conscious.

And it is not only men. I know many women who act like macho and refuse to open up, be vulnerable and seek help. Here, and only here, when our partner refuses to cooperate, we should Detach from him/her.

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