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why why why why why why why
February 2, 2005
12:32 pm
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jko
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Why I can't not call him, why he drives me crazy, why he doesn't love me back, why he won't sleep over, why he wants to be with other women, why he doesn't trust me, why he can't be normal, why he can't not be cruel, why I can't be enough.

February 2, 2005
12:40 pm
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ILSILS
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why why why why why do we keep letting them?

February 2, 2005
12:44 pm
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annfunone
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I go thru the same thing all the time..the whys..but am trying to stop it...I go thru it everyday and am practicing letting it go...to stop thinking of him. I tend to make it worse for me and him when the focus is on him..I need to stop giving him power over my mind..I need to get mad maybe you do too thinking they arent thinking of us are they?

February 2, 2005
1:08 pm
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Anonymous
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WHY He does all these things. Here's a question JKO WHY do you put up with it anymore? He wants to sleep with other woman? (so you are not good enough for him) Why he doesnt sleep over? (because he uses you for sex) why he doesnt love you (you never damanded respect how on earth would that equate to love?) Why he doesnt trust you? ( because he is projecting all his shit onto you ) so in essence you shouldn't trust him, WHy he cannot be not cruel? Healthy good relationships do not entail cruelty in any kind.

Why you aren't enough? You will never be enough for him, you will never be good enough he is a jerk and doesn't really seem to give a shit about anyone but himself.

February 2, 2005
1:11 pm
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Anonymous
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You are enough. He doesn't see it. That's "why".

Time for you to move on, JKO.

Your soulmate is waiting patiently for you. Just be open to what you deserve.

Love,

Ren'ai

February 2, 2005
1:32 pm
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marley
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why do you care so much about him? why aren't you content with just being yourself? why don't you think you don't deserve to be loved? why don't you want to be with someone who truly loves you in return?

February 2, 2005
1:33 pm
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jko
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Everyone thanks. Aces & Spades, that was a good kick in the keyster, you're absolutely right on all those points. It just hurts so, so much. It is a physical hurt, one that just catches my breath! I wish I could fast forward and I'd be over things, but I do realize it just takes time.

February 2, 2005
1:45 pm
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Anonymous
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JKO- I know that physical pain and it tears you up and it sucks and sometimes you want to do anything you can to not feel it, and even think at times that it is better to see him when you get the chance then never at all, but the only person you are really screwing is yourself in that situation. Don't think he isn't out doing god knows what when he wants, and then when you still see him even in a minimal aspect, he will still remain etched in your brain, your heart, everything to where you won't allow yourself to move on.

In the end this time of men truly does suck and you know why because they are just so ordinary.

February 2, 2005
1:49 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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jko,

What Aces is telling you is absolutely true.

Believe me, you are the only one suffering here. He's out having a good time kowing that when he wants you, you'll be there.

You deserve someone who only cares about you. Give it time, feel the pain, cry if you have to - but please don't give in and accept the crumbs of emotion he's giving you as proof he cares for you. I think he only cares for himself.

February 2, 2005
1:52 pm
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jko
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What made him change? What triggers people to change their minds about this kind of stuff? Then again, who am I kidding. He's been a jerk for years, but I've been able to tolerate it. I just won't do it any more, I CAN'T do it anymore and stay sane.

February 2, 2005
2:21 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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jko,

Unfortunately sometimes there are no answers. I wish there were so that I could deal with my issues too. Only God knows why.

February 2, 2005
2:23 pm
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CAMER
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hi JKO, you just said it, he has been a jerk for year, and you tolerate it.....Funny, in life, people do change for whatever reason, and we cannot control that....but you can at least no put up with his behavior, now is the time to stand up for yourself and not take it anymore, you deserve so much better, and you could keep asking all the "why's" and get so many answers, but all an all you are just so much better off without him......why?? cuz you are a strong person, and don't need someone in your life who treats you like this.

Good luck, ((camer)))

February 2, 2005
2:25 pm
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ILSILS
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exactly right. there are no answeres sometimes. and intead of figuring out why, figue out why you keep it going and how you are going to make it go away. "why did i get lice" i dunno, just had to go get the medicine, and kill em!!!!!!

February 2, 2005
2:30 pm
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jko
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I like to think of him as a piece of lice, if that's what you call a singular lice (a piece)....Wendi

February 2, 2005
2:56 pm
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marley
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that is good, aversion therapy really helps - and it probably gives you a more accurate idea of who he is as a person anyway

February 2, 2005
3:21 pm
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Anonymous
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I don't think he changed because of you I just believe that who he really is, is coming out now. You have to remember that you did not make him act this way, and no matter what you do the more you tolerate it, the more you reinforce this behavior.

February 2, 2005
3:23 pm
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jko
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He told me yesterday that if I wanted him to stop calling me he would. I am afraid to tell him that, isn't that crazy?

February 2, 2005
3:29 pm
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ILSILS
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yes your totally nuts. lets have you commited. ................NOT!your just afraid of letting go. and that is normal,atleast around here. its ok, you will at some point have enough. and then you will let go. and then youll get on here and tell me how you did it so i can take your advise ok?

February 2, 2005
3:39 pm
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Anonymous
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I think he said that to you because he knew you would never say you wanted him to stop calling you.

February 2, 2005
4:11 pm
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CAMER
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i agree, they "turn the tables" and ask you...do you want me to stop calling??? and deep down he probably knows you will say NO...but think about it, what is the worst that could happen if you DID NOT call him, you would still wake up, and live your life, you would go on with your day..........and now is the time to think of all the pain he did put you thru and if you honestly want to go thru that again.

February 3, 2005
10:22 am
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jko
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You're right, Aces and CAMER, thanks for the advice. I just have to stay BUSY and I can get through this a lot easier....

February 3, 2005
10:23 am
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Anonymous
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POsting here a lot helps, and believe it or not time away and not having as much contact really does help too. Afterall who would have thought I would have ever told Mr. Jack no.

February 3, 2005
10:40 am
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addicts wife
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God god... I ask myself why so much I forget what the first question was , and once My brain stops running in a thousand painful directions... I Usually find that Im asking MYSELF why I dealt withit so long....

He may be sleeping around, but dont think for a second that thses otherwomena re being treated any better than how he treated you... they are probably asking why, why why as well... HE (Like you said) has been a jerk for years.... So let him go be a jerk by himself...
TELL him you want him to stop calling you... THey (the jerks we know all too well ) LOVE to flip the table(s) and sometimes to the piont we question our own thoughts and actions, or IF we actually DID say something we KNOW we didnt....
F him.... Keep posting here to vent, there are WONDERFUL people here who have lots of insightful thoughts, and prayers evne if you dont write, theres a lot of good reading here...
Draw the line.. Set your boundaries, and STAND YOUR ground!!!
You cna do it!!!!!!

February 3, 2005
10:57 am
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jko
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addicts wife, talk about flipping the tables, he is the absolute king. After I had CONFIRMATION he was cheating on me, for years, (he "came clean" about numerous relationships he had been involved in while we had been together when he found out he had testicular cancer). He asked me to tell him about any indiscretions, and so I did. I did it because I was angry with him, and I went out a few times and met a few guys - it was wrong, but I felt justified in doing it. Now, he says he doesn't trust me, because of all the lies that I told him. I KNEW he was only trying to find out so he could use against me. He wasn't trying to start anew, and forgive and forget. He was loading up on ammo to turn the tables. The problem is that I am so so attracted to him, and when i don't talk to him I get anxious and can't concentrate at work. That's one of the reasons I'm posting noW!

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