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why should I be happy?
January 12, 2009
11:18 am
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robbie2007
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After reading some threads, it occurred to me that people who have been through some kind of trauma get attention/empathy for it.

It is only natrual (i think) to want to help and comfort someone in need. It is only natural (i think) for the receiver to enjoy this so much, that they dont even realize that it prevents them from being happy.

They begin to heal from whatever pain they are suffering and all of a sudden the empathy is gone.all of a sudden the support they were getting is less. I think subconsiously, they think - why should i be happy? I get more love and support when I'm not. so they never quite get out of the rut. It seems that the payoff is bigger to be down in the dumps.

so, why is it we encourage, love, support, and empathize when someone is down? Cant we give them as MUCH when they are happy?

January 12, 2009
1:19 pm
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Zebra
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robbie2007,

It comes so natural for humans to empathize with others when things are down for them because grief/loss is such a universal pain and connection to others. It is harder to do it when there is a smooth road. However, we should all encourage and support when one is happy.

Z

January 12, 2009
1:38 pm
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atalose
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I don’t think people are looking for as much when they are happy………

I think it depends on the person, some people just want to be un-happy, some people enjoy complaining – anyone who always sees the glass as half empty will gravitate towards anything negative. If they receive empathy and comfort and more importantly sympathy from it, it’s like they have discovered oil. They will continue to use those traits until it no longer works. Then that’s when they get “new people”.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

January 12, 2009
2:09 pm
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Zebra
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atalose,

Hey how are you? Z

January 12, 2009
2:26 pm
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atalose
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Zebra I am doing great!! I posted to you on your thread....

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

January 12, 2009
2:46 pm
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caraway
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robbie,

Interesting way to look at it. I suppose there are those seeking the attention and those who just happen to be having a tough time with it. Folks used to think that everyone should be able to, "pull themselves up by their own boot straps", I guess implying that everyone has that ability.

I read somewhere that, "thought is creative", meaning what think predicts our life outcome.

I will continue to support and lift those around me up when needed.

Cary

January 12, 2009
3:04 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Great point, there are those that communicate by complaint. I deal with them a lot a work, but just accepted it as who they are.

But I wonder if folks were to offer as much attention when they are complimenting and less for complaints, then they would change their behavior.

I do see where there is more attention paid to those you complain.

Have you ever eaten out and before you pay your bill, you ask to speak to the manager? Then when they come, you compliment them, the food and/or service? They are shocked... because most of the time when they are summoned it is becuase they have to resolve a problem.

Our society seems to work on dealing with problems, rather than celebrating accomplishments. I know it is that way at my job. I'm really struggling with the work atmosphere right now because of it.

It would be interesting to see how things change if we as a society shift our focus to celebrating accomplishments. Would we be happier? be more confident?

I read a great book called "Wisdom from the Rainforest" by Schlegel about a tribe of people in the Philippines where everyone is celebrated for what they offer the tribe. They seemed to all feel truely valued and at peace, because all accomplishements were equal- one was not above another because they all played a part in survival.

I dream of running away and back in time to be with this group of amazing people (unfortunatly they no longer exist as a traditional culture because of war and modernization)

January 12, 2009
4:55 pm
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mezzo3
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I think sometimes people don't know that they will be happier by giving up their victim identity. Besides, change is difficult, and usually painful.

To change from being a victim means breaking habits, and it means taking responsibility for yourself, getting in touch with your own pain in a way that you can understand it and heal it. This can be extremely uncomfortable - I'm sure a lot of us on here know it!

I was a victim in my mind for a long time. The benefits? When you see yourself as a victim, you can also see yourself as blameless. And when you receive comfort from others, it feels good even though it keeps you locked in your role as victim. I didn't realize that for a long time. Besides, for a person locked in the victim role, there can never be enough comfort. No apology, no sympathy, is ever enough.

But the benefits of healing my pain are even better. Not only do I get to be free from the pain of the past, I can transform that pain into useful, positive mental energy. I believe that relinquishing victimhood and redefining ourselves allows us to get in touch with ourselves and learn to love ourselves. That's where true happiness comes from.

January 13, 2009
9:45 am
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robbie2007
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thank you for all the interesting comments. I appreciate each of your thoughts.

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