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Why people always create a virtual but not real self image
May 16, 2000
10:01 pm
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September 24, 2010
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I have a group of friends that trying to create not real self image on themselves in order to be accepted.. I'm from Malaysia and I graduated from U.S and while I'm studying in States I'd been influence by the culture there. For example; being yourself and not to pretend at others. It was iritating when I'm with my friends constantly talking about each other behind their back without directly confront them. I really do not understand them. Help me.

May 16, 2000
10:42 pm

i think your friends have low self-esteem (aaaaa i hate this word !).
High self-esteem allows one to behave in their own individual ways. If people have low SE, they think they're bad from the insides so they think, in order to be accepted they must 'act' and hide their true selves.
They are fearful to be their ownselves because they think people will not accept it, and make fun of it etc. But its not true, so you should always be your ownselves and let ppl go to hell 😛 (but its hard if you've always been like that. Hard but possible(hopefully!!) to change the bad habits)

May 17, 2000
9:37 am
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September 24, 2010
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I just read about this last night! Actually, what you're discussing is the fundamental cultural diffferences between Western and Eastern countries.

The difference lies in and affects many areas of personality. In America, we stress independence, aggression and self-focus. Eastern countries tend towards more cooperative, collective thinking patterns. Americans tend to attribute successes to stable, internal traits like intelligence and wit, and the tend to attribute failures to external, uncontrollable traits like other people, government, etc.

In Asian countries, successes are usually attributed to luck,something external and uncontrollable, whereas failures are taken very personally and are seen as a mark of personal inadequacy. It's very common to have a strong desire to conform.

So...this is a cultural conflict, and sensitivity to cultural differences must be attended to.

It's difficult to see what to do, but talking is a good place to start. Talk to your closest friends about how living in the U.S. made you have a different perspective. Try going out and looking for people with similar life experiences.

I'm half asain, and I have both asian and american friends. The two groups are very different and hardly every intermingle, so I've seen the behavior that you're talking about. I just found other friends and kept the old ones, but I hang out with them less.

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