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Why must I feel guilty???
January 17, 2003
10:42 am
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Anonymous
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I ran into a girl I used to work with and last time I say her she had just had a misscarriage, we were due the same month just days apart. I am huge now so there is no denying that I am pregnant and she kind of pouted about how she was supposted to be due the same time as me, She got upset cause I am having a girl and she wanted a girl. I went home feeling very bad. I hate that, I mean I went through the death of a child and a misscarriage and was told that I couldn't have any more kids. I have had my share of misery, it is my time to be happy. I don't want to flaunt my happiness in front of anyone, but how do I feel comfortable being outwardly happy?

January 17, 2003
11:38 am
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Gypsy, I think this was not about you, but about her. You can and you should be glad and happy that you'll be having a daugter soon.

It is also good of you to be sensitive to the other woman's pain about the loss of her kid. But no way that you should feel bad about feeling good. Sometimes life is just like that, a bugger.

January 17, 2003
12:39 pm
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Gypsy~

You can also tell her how you know what it feels like for her, because it happened to you too. Don't feel guilty, because you didn't do anything wrong. Life has thrown you a curve in the past also and it's just her turn.

Enjoy your pregnancy. Being huge has it's advantages. Everyone let's you have the last chair. You don't have to do heavy lifting because every male would be ashamed to watch you do it if they are even remotely in the vicinity. You can plop on the couch and just rub your belly and feel little limbs doing a jig inside there. OK, sneezing isn't too much fun, but being big and pregnant doesn't come along in your life too often. Crawl around on the floor and enjoy yourself!

Been there, done that!! 🙂

Jenny

January 17, 2003
12:41 pm
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I agree Gypsy. It's not you.

My hubby and I have fertility issues, and have been trying for around 4 1/2 years. (Not currently.) I became pregnant after much money spent at a local fertility clinic and one of my 2 best friends was pregnant about 3 weeks after me. I lost our long-awaited baby at 14 weeks, while she continued to get bigger and bigger. We are together virtually daily. I never held it against her of course, but I do vividly recall 2 different times my hubby had to call them and cancel our plans because I just couldn't deal with it that day. One day we were all 4 supposed to go out on the river all day, and I woke up just knowing that I couldn't deal with it that day. It was so hard because our baby was so wanted and waited for, for years, and I quit smoking and was healthy and she was still smoking, drinking pop, etc, and I was the one who lost the baby. Just an example of life's unfairness.

Today they have a lovely 15 month old girl who is our goddaughter, and there is not a time that goes by when she's on my lap or whatever that I don't think of our baby. But I do sympathize with your friend. Probably what you thought was pouting was her version of trying to look happy and deal with the unexpected jealousy your beautifully round tummy caused in her.

Incidentally, sounds like you have had a rough time of it yourself, as you stated. I am happy for you that you are now due with a healthy baby. Congrats! What a gift, many of us don't realize the miracle that's involved.

🙂

January 17, 2003
5:39 pm
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Congratulations! Just be happy because you have every right. I'm sure your friend is still going through all of the adjustment stages of loss right now, and seeing you just triggered what it would have been like for her. She is going through a painful time, but someday she'll learn to deal with it better. I'm sure she is happy for you ~ just sad for herself.
Be happy and be proud! You've earned it. 🙂

January 17, 2003
8:46 pm
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It is your time to be happy, so don't worry about it since you don't have to see this lady on a regular basis. It is tough, you know how it is, after you lost the baby - seeing pregnant women due around your date. What would have been my due date is looming ahead of me, 2 months away, and I am dreading it because I know I will be very sad....so turn that guilt into compassion and let yourself feel that motherly sort of warmth. It's not your fault, but you do know how it feels....:)

January 23, 2003
9:03 am
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you should be very happy about having a little girl. do not feel guilty, empathise and understand how you would feel

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