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why is the system so broken?
June 22, 2009
1:00 pm
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robbie2007
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i know i know - big question. But I dont understand. How can someone abuse their kid, and then when the kid reacts - be it an emotional or physical reponse, the parent claims the child is crazy. then some "professional" just goes by what the parent says and then another "professional" goes by what that professional says.....never once talking to the child,believing the child and then putting the child through more abuse and torture in the system. are there that many people who dont care? why? and how can the average person help?

June 22, 2009
2:26 pm
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truthBtold
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I hear you robbie!

But, there is hope and it can come from grassroots activism.

Please see this link:

http://www.protect.org/

Also, Andrew Vachss is a leading advocate for protecting children, his link here:

http://www.vachss.com/index.html

And yet one last link that I think speaks to yours and my frustrations as well with regard to societies viewpoint/denial of the victim:

http://www.justicewomen.com/he....._rape.html

Though this last one specifically addresses rape, I think that it lends itself to the frustrations ON TOP of the crime that the victim was some how to blame or at fault.

For what its worth, our US VP - Joe Biden has been instrumental in women/children's issues along these lines - so maybe 'the system' while broken can and will be fixed in time and through vigilent advocacy that all of us can take part in!!!!!!

(You know, I even thought a few times about suggesting to a few interested sources an advocate cable channel....."ACTV" which could, in part, offer segments where advocacy efforts are being realized and enacted into law.....follow it in like, a reality-series format, maybe.)

I came up with a plan/different scenerios/possible segments about a week ago, your post is making me think that I need to persue this so that we can actually WITNESS progress rather than feeling hopeless and helpless and frustrated at the little snippit fear-induced soundbites which all too often infiltrate the TV waves and to which offer little in way of actually addressing and solving the problem in a meaningful........

Hell, if the Food Network/Travel/Golf/Biography cable channels etc... can succeed - why couldn't an Activist Channel as well?

June 22, 2009
2:37 pm
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robbie2007
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thank you. i will check out those links.

i mean, its not like i didnt know things were broke - but i just read a book called "Becoming Anna" and I am just horrified by what happened to her and how not a single person helped her for nearly 17 yrs! I know it happens, but reading her personal account really brings the brokenness of our system to reality. it makes me angry and sad and wanting to do something to help. and the "hospital" she was in was more like a jail with cells and cuffs and restraints, drugs and bars on the windows and absolutely no privileges. and im not talking 60's or 70's here, this took place in the 90's!! MAKES ME SO MAD!

June 23, 2009
11:33 am
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robbie2007
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is no one else outraged by this? i;m stunned.

June 24, 2009
6:38 am
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Lluvia
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thats how things are.

if youre a kid or a teen, you get pushed around and dont get a voice.

proffesionals will believe the parents. cuz theyre parents and parents are perfect and kind and honest and loving. and teens and children dont have a voice theyre just kids they dont know what theyre saying they make up stories (sarcastic voice of course)

you probably dont know why im speaking like this others here who know me know. grrr an of my idiotic social worker who spoke solely with my parents and never once attempted to contact me but take my parents word because im just a teen who is making up stories for attention and theyre my parents, parents love their children oh so vewy much

im not as surprised though. the extent that she went through is horrible. but the situation isnt.

June 24, 2009
7:14 am
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bonni
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I think its because so many adults are just big children themselves. Many abuse the system itself and that causes alot of cracks in the system. I don't understand how parents can use their children as weapons in divorce. Its hard to know who is lying and who's telling the truth. The jerks are better liars and the innocent are not so manipulative.

June 24, 2009
9:06 am
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robbie2007
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Lluvia - I DO know your story as I read your posts. Infact, you came to mind before you even responded here.

The facts are true - what you said, BUT WHY IS IT LIKE THAT? yes, thats just the way it is, BUT WHY?

who is there for the children? who can give them a voice? if the social workers cant - than who can?

I WANT TO HELP but dont know the first step to how to do it. how can i be there to help a child like you and like anna. HOW? whats the first step?

Should I send a copy of the book to the president? ask him what is being done to fix situations like yours and anna's?

and Lluvia im very sorry for all that you have been through if i could had been there for you i would have helped or atleast tried.

June 24, 2009
10:04 am
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chelonia mydas
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Hi Robbie,

Good to see you again. This is a great topic and one that I think should be explored more often. Thanks for bringing it up.

Its my view that the system is what it is, but it is getting better- but not fixed yet and still not meeting the needs of most of the people out there.

Historically things were much worse for victims. If you look back a few hundred years when the land owner could beat and rape anyone who lived on his land for any reason at any time and anyone who tried to help was tortured and often killed. Because those people where his property as much as the table and stable were and often seen as just as worthy of defense as any inanimate object, so they suffered without any hope of change. This scenario still exists in some contries, but it isn't as wide spread as it once was and there are people who are trying to help change it.

There are many challenges to face to improve the world. The people who do the horrible things either don't realize they are hurting others or don't care about the suffering of others. There are many people who just can't imagine something horrible happening so when it is brought to their attention they deny that it could be true. The people that do beleive and try to help often get overwhelmed and burn out- so they too become ineffective at creating change. So the positive change relies on the collective force of those caring people fighting for change in that span of time prior to burnout.

To lessen burnout, we need to encourage people to take care of themselves first- not at the detriment of others, but so they can help in the long term.

As a victim of abuse in a system that refused to beleive me because my grandfather was a very well respected person in society that no one beleived could do the things I said he did- so it had to be me with the problem. Through my repeated involvement with social services as a child, I saw many social workers that started so fresh and wanting to make a difference and within a matter of months and sometimes years, they were beaten down and submitted to the process of filing paperwork and passing me along through the system.

So when I was old enough to make a difference, I thought did though animal rescue. The only problem is that I gave all I had to it and burned out, just like the social workers from my childhood. So now I'm discovereing that I have to learn to take care of my self first and then care for others. If my needs aren't met, then I contribute to twisting the system so it doesn't help those who need it most becuase I'm trying to meet my needs through the victims I'm trying to help. Which only adds to their burden and mine.

So what can we do to change it? How can we fix what seems so broken?

When the world is filled with darkness and dispair, the best thing we can do is be a light in the dark. Eventhough our light will not eliminate the darkness that surrounds us, it does light our little circle. Hopefully that will encourage others to shine their inner light and with time and perserverence there will be more light with dark shadows lingering in a few places.

Each day we have a choice, do we contribute to the darkness or to the light? If we choose light, we do all we can to take care of ourselves and be healthy people. Once we have reached that, we can begin to help others. Becoming healthy is an important step, because without it so often all we do is give someone else our light and then get frustrated when they blow it out leaving both of us in the dark. Its this scenario that creates the burn out so many good people face. So if we keep our light and continue on our path while inviting others to discover their own light- we will contribute to improving the system.

It is possible for people to treat eachother fairly and with respect throughout a society. There are cultures (or were) that lived in peace and harmony before dominating civilizations forced them to change their ways and adopt a life of power struggles and conquests. I'd encourage anyone interested to read Wisdom from the Rainforest by Stuart Schlegle for an example of one culture that existed for centuries in peace with each other and the world around them.

But here I'm just rambling on my soap box. I could continue, but this is already fairly long.

Hey Robbie, you've been missed at the Coffeehouse, if you get a chance stop by and say hi. Everyone else reading this, I hope you stop by the coffeehouse. Its a positive place with many great folks, you would fit in well on that thread.

June 24, 2009
10:13 am
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atalose
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Robbie this may help if you want to get involved with helping children.

http://www.nationalcasa.org/

((robbie))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 24, 2009
10:23 am
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Lanigirl
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Hi Robbie,

This is a subject that is like an onion - many layers. My question is, if you are required to get a liscense for driving, marriage and to own a gun, why isn't there a liscense to have children or animals? I would like to see parents seek more planned birth control and more support groups.

I've never been a parent and I don't want to offend anyone on this site. I do love children. I'm coming from the vantage point of working with children and seeing too many children in a family with no support systems and too much abuse. Child abuse is also hidden behind the walls of families that are"ok" like my middle class family.

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