Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Why I do I still love him?
September 25, 2008
5:41 am
Avatar
chupps
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It's been 2 weeks now, since the last falling out, but this was the big one. It's not the first time this has happened with him. We've lived in seperate counties for the last 2 years, whilst I went through a divorce and 2 deaths in the family, which he has thrown in my face on numerous ocassions (nice of him).He's lied about jobs he could get nearer to me, they never amounted to anything. He's lied about a complete career change, which I was blamed for. He's basically lied about everything. He may have thought I wouldnt have found out, but i'm not that stupid, these things click in your mind when on the phone to him. When ever I have confronted him, he takes the call at work, so his work friends can hear this, and then yet again turns it around and makes it my fault. He kept putting me off coming and seeing him, as where he works has accommadation provided, and the boss's wife has said I'm not welcome to stay.???? He's jelous of my business that I am well on the way to becoming sucessful enough at, and he will try and pull me down for it. He is so nasty and bitter sometimes that it really is incredulous, as there is no reason to be. When we fall out he cuts all contact from txtx to calls to MSN and deletes or blocks my numbers. Before, and after a while he would take my calls, now i'm completely blanked, he just ignores everything. All I want is the truth from him, why he's done this, when I gave him everything I could, when I helped him as much as I could, and I loved him, and still do. There were very few good times, but my heart still yearns for his call or txt, what the hell is the matter with me, and why cant i see sense in this and realise what he is. It really is hurting so much not knowing why he's done this for no reason.

September 25, 2008
6:27 am
Avatar
DorisDay
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are authentic...he is not.

You know how to love, he does not.

Why on earth would you want to be with a man who is jealous of your business? He cuts conact with you as a punishment, gives you nothing....

Re-read your post. This man is not worthy of you!

September 25, 2008
6:36 am
Avatar
newme66
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

YOu will never get the answers and trying to figure him out will drive you insane.

He's a liar, so whatever his excuse is for mistreating you is a lie!

I was with someone for 4 years and I almost went insane trying to help him! I lost myself and I am now trying to recover. This is the hardest thing to do. I still ask why?

I am working with a therapist and reading books on codependency. I see alot of my behaviors are codependent.

I suggest NO CONTACT as hard as it is, it does get easier. Focus on your business and save your energy for people and things that really matter and that will give back!

Best of luck keep posting! I have been in no contact for over a month and it's getting easier. We can recover, it takes time and a lot of work on our self!

September 25, 2008
11:09 am
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think the more relevant question here is why do you love yourself so little, that you'd let this looser treat you this way even for a minute, let alone all this time? The truth of the matter is, he is being who he is and showing you, with no uncertainty, what he thinks of you. You need to believe him. He will keep taking from you and mistreating you as long as you allow him to. Maybe it's time to reread codependent no more, or read it if you haven't read it before. You probably should work with a therapist as well. All the best! Keep us posted...

September 25, 2008
11:33 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I agree the bigger question you might be asking is, why did you pick this un-healthy person in the first place.

Then the second question should be, why did you keep going back?

The third question, what are you going to do for you so this doesn't repeat again with this guy. And so you don't pick another un-healthy person in the future?

Not trying to be mean but he did what he did because you allowed him.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

September 26, 2008
5:56 am
Avatar
chupps
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you every one for your support. It really did help me to face a few facts. The update is, that yesterday was the final straw with this man. After phone calls and txt's I have finally let go. I was being used, abused and blamed by him. His inadequacies in life greatly outweigh mine. it still hurts this morning, and I realise it will hurt for a little longer,but I dont want to go back there anymore, he is a closing chapter in my book. This morning I stood in my garden and realised just how fortunate I am, I have a lovely house, a lovely garden and I am working towards a sucessful business. I stood there and looked at my chickens, and realised they were beautiful, and that together we would make the business grow, and the fact that I will never allow anyone anymore to redicule what I do, and have a passion for. I guess, I was with him because at the time he was an escape from home and family worries, but then I end up falling in love, with a person I wouldn't give a second glance to. I felt sorry for him and his situation that he was in. But thinking back now, he was in that situation because he made it like that. He craves the drama and appreciation of his boss and their family, and allows then to treat him like a slave, whilst they sit back and take the riches. I have at last faced the fact that I can no longer help him, as he doesn't have the courage or the want to change. It is hard work to face the truths that are in front of you, and I have had to do it, and it is the easy option to stay where you are, but life really doesn't get any better by taking that easy option. I have suffered depression for many many years but I have fought back against it, it has been very hard sometimes, but I have made it through and now sitting here I realise that I don't or will not let this man take me down with him. We all have the ability within us to change and make ourselves better, be we have to want to do it. I want to do it. The last thing I said to this man was 'if you want to sit in the s**t, then don't complain about the smell' I would like to thank you all again for your sincere advice, and truths.

September 26, 2008
8:16 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Chupps, good for you on making this choice.....just be careful, cuz i am sure HE will try to pry his way back inot your life...a good thing would be is to try the **no contact** seems to work well here.

wishing you the best, on your own, cuz you are worth it!!!

September 29, 2008
3:15 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((chupps))), good for you. Way to go!!!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714257
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information