Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
why doesn't this make me feel better?
April 3, 2007
3:42 pm
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I walked into the lunch room, where the head secretary, the store manager (26's supervisor), the IT manager and one of our outside salesmen were talking.

apparently I walked in on them talking about my situation and they immediately clammed up and made little noises...I KNEW in my gut that I was the topic.

so, I decided to jump in and bring it out in the open.

I played it light and tried to make light of the situation....while answering their questions and confiding in them. I know I can trust them.

anyway, later in the lunch, a comment was made about how we hired another guy with the same name, now we have three.

and I said jokingly "well, sounds like you have one too many, time to get rid of one"....and the sales manager made a comment about it may only be two soon....we were commenting at the same time.

I made a comment about how I didn't want him let go cuz of me, but if he didn't deserve the job, then do what he has to do...he just did a "yup" and let it go.

so, why do I feel so bad about it?

cuz he won't be around for me to monitor?
cuz I feel responsible?
cuz I am codependent and don't want to hurt anyone?

I don't know...but it would seem that I should be happy that karma is biting him the ass and he is going to lose his job.

But I am not.

Granted, it will make things easier for me....but I guess he made this mess himself.

In all reality, I think I have to admit that I want him to keep his job so I can keep him around...if only at arm's length....that hope that it could work out "someday"...something like that.

I don't know...I just know that I don't feel good that they are going to fire him.

and i know that because he's immature and irresponsible, he's going to say that I got him fired to anyone who listens.

it won't matter that they are letting him go cuz he is not meeting expectations and he's rubbing people the wrong way. Because this comes on the heels of our problem, he'll blame it on me, and somebody will be stupid enough to believe it.

just makes me sad about the whole thing all over again.

April 3, 2007
11:28 pm
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi rising,
You dont feel better because you dont really want something bad to happen here. It sounds like you are carrying some blame and feelings of responsibility. You feel other people are going to blame you. You can't change or control what others think.
b

April 4, 2007
5:55 am
Avatar
revelation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Huh? What happened? Oh rising, I have missed out on something, can you lead me to the thread where this happened or explain a little bit? Sorry, I haven't been keeping track.

Sweety, I would love to help, but would like to know whats happened first!

Thanks chick and sorry!

Rev.

April 4, 2007
8:31 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thread is same guy, just different package...also posting on the sex thread on libs side.

thanks for the support.

April 4, 2007
8:37 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Rising,

26 is NOT a very good or responsible employee. That has nothing to do with you. I hope you will not feel guilty if he gets fired. He has a history of job-hopping, right? You have heard his side of the stories of why he "quit" jobs or why he was unfairly let go, etc... but now you are fortunate enough to hear the other side of the story. He'll seal his own fate at this job too... and I am SURE it will have nothing to do with your situation with him, although he will probably tell EVERYONE who will listen otherwise! It's his M.O. Nothing bad is his fault. He is a victim. Poor 26!!! He had a terrible upbringing... he fears failure...and NOW Mean ole Rising is getting him blackballed at his job... Wah, wah, wah!!!!!! WOE IS ME!!!

I'm sure he has some good qualities, but honestly, if you think about it... his bad FAR outweigh the good! Sure, age COULD have something to do with it, but I have a feeling it's not the issue with him. He is just immature. I'm not talking about numerical immaturity. I'm talking about the type that people DO NOT grow out of. It's just WHO he is. He is able to charm people for a short time... but obviously, not long enough. The truth of who he is always comes out and he moves on. Moves on to someone who doesn't KNOW him. Someone that he can "talk the talk" with. Tell his dreams to... talk about how great his life will be "when".... When he pays his bills off.... When he has a good paying steady job.... When he gets married... When he builds his dream house... Blah, blah, blah!!!!! He is a big ole blow-hard Rising!!!! He's all WORDS!!!!

Think back and remember all of the "stories" he's told you. How many of them NOW sound like tall tales???? He is a master of making people believe what he wants them to believe about him. He's a fraud of a man. A shell...

Ugh!!!!!! He lies and THEN turns on the waterworks when he gets caught!!!!! I had a feeling that he was up to no good over the past few weeks when he disappeared and had the lamest excuses as to why he did!!! and CRIED!!!! and it worked on you!!! You felt bad for him. Who wouldn't?? He's good!!!!

PLEASE don't hold out hope that it could work "someday". He is not going to change. He is who he is. He was caught red handed and he STILL will not admit that he was seeing this girl!! If he at least owned up to it and apologized, I'd have more respect for him, but he is STILL lying! It's a sickness.

Oh, and I would also suggest that you don't hang out with his Mom anymore. I'm sure she is a wonderful woman and all, but it just keeps you involved in his drama! I would find a new church too... The temptation to HOPE to run into him would be too great for me if I continued to keep myself entrenched in his world!

I'm sorry that this happened to you, Rising. You were blindsided with this... but now you know the truth. What you DO with this truth will show how much you have grown.

Be honest with yourself. If you continue to see his Mom and continue to go to the church where you MAY bump into him or hear some bit of gossip about what he's up to, at least admit that THAT is why you are there... don't try and talk yourself into believing that it's not about HIM. It's fine if that's what you want... but don't kid yourself, ok?

There is better out there, Rising...You need to reach higher. Believe that you deserve better! Don't hook your wagon to a tree stump!!! Hey, I just made that up!! I like it!!!!!!

Have a good day,

TC

April 4, 2007
9:21 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

tc.

I had an epiphany this morning.

And I realized why I was so blindsided by him.

I was a mom figure to him. He was on his best behaviour...until my back was turned.

My best friend couldn't see it either, cuz he was like a surrogate dad to him and 26 looked up to him.

but like he does with his mom, he hid the "darker" side of himself...afraid I would judge him and come down on him for doing stupid stuff.

I truly see now that 26 was on his best behaviour, trying to win my love and approval, much like he does for mom....the things he did for me...the responsibilities around the house...were much like he does at home...and the intimacy issues...with a guy, it always points back to issues with mom.

To the rest of the world, he is just an unhappy little boy, reckless and lacking direction.

And working with him showed me that side of him...that I may never have seen.

I did realize that many of the stories I heard, that he said were untrue, were probably very true.

I also realize that he may not have quit all those other jobs, but perhaps was let go...or quit before they could.

I also realize that all those statements he made to me about what he said to his bosses over the last year....that I always thought he was just talking big and didn't have the balls to talk like that to a boss...now I realize he wasn't kidding...that he did talk that way...and that's why he is losing his job. I used to think he was just venting...that he was too sweet and nice to talk like that to someone in authority....cuz between the two of us, he was always agreeable and doing everything and not argumentative or defensive or rude in any way.

So, I understand this now...it all makes sense.

Anyway...about church....not sure where to go with that one. I enjoy church and it's the only one in our town....I'll play that by ear.

But in the end...I am so done with him....he fucked with my kid's heart and welfare...and he fucked with my career....and those are two of the worst things you can do to me. I am not going to forget it or allow him back because of it.

My kid, me and my career are all worth more than him.

and since he could stare me in the eye and lie...I would never trust him again....and I don't want a relationship that is built on that kind of foundation.

as for the tears and being played...I think that was the hurt little boy coming out...I think it was real and not being played....I think that when I was angry about his fuckups, he recoiled like a hurt little boy, unable to take criticism or my anger. I don't think I was played.

Now, my ex....HE was a player...but now that I am understanding 26...I wonder if it was the same damn thing with him.

No more little boys for me.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
29
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111121
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38715
Posts: 714567
Newest Members:
lovingLaa, zokgassi, Wilthe, Marek, ssdchemical33, jack1palmer
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information