Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
why does this break up thing not get easier!
August 1, 2005
8:38 pm
Avatar
donna25
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I feel like Im going insane! it's been almost three weeks for god sake..I know I should be concentrating on myself and improving myself and doing things that make me semi happy anyway..I can't stop thinking about it..I sit here and wonder where he is, what is he doiing? Look it is little pic on msn....I mean it wasn't a bad break up or anything we just can't be friends right now but I'm obsessing I can't stop...I keep fantisizing about how maybe we could try again at some point...it's like I can't shut my mind off

August 1, 2005
9:23 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It gets easier when we have something interesting to distract ourselves with. Relationships take up a lot of our time (and rightfully so) and we need something to take the place of the relationship. Not usually another relationship though *grin*. I think when we have free time on our hands that's when we get ourselves into trouble.

I can totally relate to not being able to shut my mind off. I would do anything it seems to get my mind to quit hashing and rehashing... well, anything except for something healthy that is. I keep looking for the easy temporary fixes through alcohol and food. And that has introduced a whole host of other problems in my life.

A wise woman once told me "this too shall pass" and she was right, it always did. I'm at a real low point these days, and I'm clinging to that idea that this, and future unhappiness, will pass, as it always has in the past.

*hug*

August 1, 2005
9:34 pm
Avatar
donna25
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yep. the only thing that takes the edge off is a couple of glasses of wine a night...I keep thinking "well maybe after a month he will miss me" we were only together for 2 months! I don't think I have ever taken anything so hard...I think we just moved too fast in the beginning (the first week)and he didn't want to rush into anything and I wanted to take it slow with him as well but it started to cause a bit of conflict and I was getting upset with him for things (sometimes I would express it sometimes I wouldn't) the breakup was mutual but not really I wanted to continue to take things slow but he didn't think it was fair for him to hold me back from what I wanted...a b/f that could be there more...so it didn't end on bad terms but....we are not talking at the moment...I broke contact after a week we talked on msn a couple of times...and on the phone for 40 minutes (he asked me to call him) we just talked like normal an that was the last I heard from him with the exception of a text I sent him last thursday, he responded and then I reponded and then nothing....I just thought that he would miss not calling me 3 times a day...and all I can think about is him and why is not calling, does he miss me, could we make it work at a later date? where is he?...I can't stop!

August 1, 2005
11:41 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You need something to look forward to! I'm not sure what your financial outlook is like, but can you plan a vacation for yourself? I'm the type that likes to travel alone, but that's not for everyone. Perhaps you and a girlfriend or a family member (brother, sister?) could plan to go somewhere you've always wanted to go, maybe to see a concert of your favorite artist or performing group, and travel to go see it. Just getting outside of your usual element can help to break the monotony that gets you obsessing.

I feel somewhat hypocritical saying these things, considering how often I've found myself at the bottom of a wine bottle these days going "How did that happen?"

And in my opinion, it doesn't matter if the relationship was a week, a year or a lifetime. If someone really touches your heart, having them out of your life will just tear you up. It's HARD. Why do you think there are so many songs about breaking up? It's a universal.

You will emerge stronger from this. Hang in there.

August 1, 2005
11:46 pm
Avatar
theseboots
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Gingerleigh!

Tell me where a person goes for a holiday alone. My favorite spot is the beach but? I don't even know where I could go to the beach.

I am not well off but I could get a few hundred dollars together, I just have not figured out where I could go.

Suggestions?? Think about it donna 25 it sounds plausible to me to get out of the rut.

August 2, 2005
7:11 am
Avatar
donna25
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

well..alse are down so is my pockt book and I did spend time with friends this weekend to get away from obsessing but am flying home to visit my parents in 2 1/2 weeks but I will proably just obesses the whole time except I will be 3000 miles away

August 2, 2005
7:19 am
Avatar
MissBaker
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey,

I know how you feel, I broke up with my ex in December and Christmas I was a mess.

At that time I couldnt even think of being on my own. I didnt want to be alone.

But 8 months later and its a completly different story.

I love being on my own. I think that was one of the main reasons I was with the ex was because I thought I couldnt be alone, but I love it now, in fact I dont even want a man in my life and it feels real good to be where I am as far as men are concerend because its now time to work on me.

And as for relationships....Im never going to be in a relationship that I deserve untill I know who I am and what I want and what I deserve.

At the moment if I got with a guy it would mess this whole journey up.

Trust me it does get better.... much much better.

August 2, 2005
8:14 am
Avatar
donna25
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well I've never been the type of girl thats always had a man in her...in fact I knew I couldn't because I did need to work on myself. It wasn't tell last Sept that I knew I had to take a more pro active role in finding a relationship or guy or dates or whatever...the bar scene was fun, but I'm a little too old for that now...I am ready to shae my life with someone (not at the moment because I am still pining) but I do...but I'm still hoping its going to be this guy and maybe when he gets in a better place maybe he will be capable of having deeper feelings for me...he's areally good guy, I just hink he is broken right now...but if he starts dating someone else, I'm going to be really upset.

August 2, 2005
8:15 am
Avatar
donna25
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

"in her life I ment to say" oops!

August 2, 2005
8:36 am
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It is a process! At the beginning when you end relationship, expect Donna to cry, to mourn, to grieve, to miss him. As time starts to pass by, you will start to like yourself and enjoy your own company.

I agree with MissBaker, we need to spend sometime alone to discover ourselves, do some soulsearching before we seek relationships.

I have been alone for 7 years and 1/2. Yes, I miss human company. I think this is the price I am paying for becoming strict and setting my boundaries with regard to being selective. Some people might start to call you perfectionist, arrogant, or you will never find that someone...just ignore them, they say that coz they are jealous and can see that you're more smart and educated than them.

What I really miss, (I am female) is gf who shares with me the same values and interests. Though I've had one, right after we got acquainted with each other; she had had depression and stopped talking with me. I think she has her own baggage & issues like most of us. That's why I respected her space, yet I'm keeping her in my prayers.

August 2, 2005
8:47 am
Avatar
MissBaker
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sorry just reading the thread again, I know its hard, but three weeks is such a short space of time......

But when you have broke up with someone its the longest three weeks of your life.

What I would do is, plan what it is that you want, Do you want a realtionship or think you need one? Because if you need one, you need to ask yourself why.!

I needed my relationship because I didnt want to be alone, but being alone has turned out to be the best thing I have experianced, no hassle no drama, I have made more friends my social life is much better.

What I also did was change my number, because then there is no going back....

Just after I broke up with the ex I had 4 months of madness being man crazy so when i got rid of my old number i got rid of all that nonesense as well,

You need to think about you now, because if you dont who else will.

I think once your at a good head space, when you meet guys you wont stand for their crap, because you will know what you want and you wont settle for anything less....

But you wont know what you want untill you have time with yourself.

August 2, 2005
9:11 am
Avatar
Sunnysunshine
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Im going through a bad break up.. or well the relationship itself was.. kind of questionable..

Yet, to think being alone is scary and.. it hurts not to have someone there to catch your thoughts with you..

But I think for now you can come here and people will be willing to share and carry some of your burdens and sadness you are going through!!

Look how many people are responding to your thread!!!

You can do it!!!

Im doing mine too..hahaha

*smile*

August 2, 2005
5:10 pm
Avatar
donna25
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oh I definitly need time now...my theripist asked me how long I thought it would be until I was ready to date again...I guess 1 month he said, try 3. and he's right...its going on three weeks and he is still front and center of my thoughts...I've decided to stop listening to sad music...coldplay will do it everytime. I know my issues with him are not nearly as bad as some of the ones I have read on here. He doesn't do drugs and he doesn't drink...he's a good guy. I was reading someof the emails today he sent me before we met in person and the first week after we met...it's like he was a different person...it just baffles me?? it was soooooo into me and then he wanted to slow it down and start of concentrating of being friends first....that lasted a week but it was never the same...he just didn't seem to be as into me but called 99% of the time and were talking 3 to 5 times a day sometimes....right up the end...2 at least...and it was the best it had been since the first two weeks...I'm not like that so I don't understand?????? Is there something there and he just doesn't want a relationship that bad????

August 9, 2005
2:56 pm
Avatar
Prism
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It's solely up to the individual as to how long it will take for you to be able to date again. 🙁 You are doing the right thing by "making time for you". Let yourself feel the pain because only time will heal it. Acknowledge your feelings, your pain, your tears.

If you need the "sad music" to help you along, then just do it. I've been there, done that, bears the scars. Your own system will tell you when you've had enough!! One day you'll wake up and think, "I've had enough!! It's time for me to move on!!" If you don't deal with it now, then it'll forever be buried in your subconscious and will eventually turn in to "bitterness".

Truth is, it's wrong to jump in to another relationship to avoid the pain of the last one. Seriously, that's why some relationships don't last. It's because they've carried "old baggage" in to a new relationship. Wait until you've dealt with last relationship before thinking of getting in a new one.

Perhaps the reason it doesn't get any easier is because your expectations were too high. He just wasn't as in to you as you wanted him to be. "let him go, hon" and work on yourself. You deserve it. Don't take it personally, he just isn't "the one". Look at it as a "learning experience"; albeit a painful one, but when haven't we learned from what hurts? I'm sorry you're hurting, i wish i was magical and could take away the pain of others... 🙁 Take care of you, cause you deserve it.

Prism.

August 9, 2005
6:01 pm
Avatar
donna25
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I actually saw him on sunday. His roomate/best friend pulled a fast one. I had a bad night last friday, I texted him and he didn't text back, (until the next day) but I was convinced he was with someone and that was why. Anyway his roomate invited me across the street for a drink (he really likes me which helps) and when I got there he told me X was coming and I said "does he know I'm here/" and he said yes and actually he wasn't going to come until he told him I was there. Anyway it was akward but it was nice to see him..I felt better becasue I was starting to think he didn't want to talk to me at all...Apperefntly X thinks I'm seeing someone his roomate told me after X left...he wouldn't tell me if X was but I don't suspect he is...I sent X a quick text yesterday about soemthing that happened in the area and although It didn't require a respose I was kinda hoping after seeing me he would of felt comfortable about calling me or texting me back...I don't know...I miss him a lot but I know he is stressed still looking for a job...his roomate even mentioned it "X is having a tuff time right now and isn"t ready for a relationship, no job, he's got two kids, divorced...sweety didn't you see the writing on the wall?"

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
40
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110907
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38534
Posts: 714189
Newest Members:
819Zeed, odin83, sendlv, ViolentFighterBrownCaveman, kbrfDazy, traceyob69
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer