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Why does someone dying hurt so much?
June 1, 2000
4:39 am
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me
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I have an Uncle who was sick with cancer late last year. It was very serious, life threatening in fact, but with successful surgery to remove the cancer, kemo and over 20 sessons of radio therapy, he recovered and was cleared of the cancer that was slowly destroying him.

Two weeks ago, he came to my house and looked sensational. He radiated health- he looked fantastic and said that he felt the same.
It brought tears to my eyes from the sheer excitement of seeing him in this state, especially compared to what he looked like only a few months ago!

2 years remission! YEA!

Then last Tuesday, he has a massive heart attack and dies instantly (he didn't make it to the hospital)!

I can't believe it! It seems so unfair!
All the pain and suffering he went through and then this!

I guess for him it was quick and perhaps relatively painless, but for those of us left behind, the hurt is incredible!

I keep wanting to wake from this bad dream and hug him again- we were so close, he was more like a friend than an Uncle!

I can't stop crying! It is amazing how we take things for granted until it is too late.

Me

June 1, 2000
5:23 am
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vositor
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

June 1, 2000
6:01 am
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Iris
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What does this mean?: Enjoy your relationships, don't take things too seriously, take it easy, don't blame or criticise or deliberately hurt others. Cooperate instead of compete.

The problem with death that we don't know anything about it. We don't know when anyone would die. Every second is a possibility. But it is a fact that we all are going to die and we all will left others behind, who (some of them at least) might get hurt.Yes,man can conquer anything except death.

My condolences to you. I know how it feels.When my father died he was in the hospital recovering from a successful surgery to his hip,and after 40 days he died from a heart attack.

June 1, 2000
6:45 am
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janes
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Great way for him to go ...so hard hard hard for the rest of you left behind.

Cry....it was the pain away. but slowly.

There is not one thing any of us can say that will change the grief and sadness you will all be feeling.

Loss of a loved one and dealing with the pain is a process that for some continues for a long time.

It is just something that time takes care of....and thats tough in a society that needs a quick fix for everyyhing

We will be thinking of you...take care

June 1, 2000
2:45 pm
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heartfelt
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me......your Uncle is not gone, he just changed lifestyles.....his spirit is alive, radiant, and now will continue to watch over, teach, and be a part of all that know him....

June 1, 2000
9:25 pm
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Spirit
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Me: My deepest sympathies to you and yours. Janes is right, time is the healer. As I wrote in another thread, when my grandmother passed on, my heart was full of the love I held special for her. The tears came, the loss was felt, but I knew she would always be with me, because she lives on in my heart. May you find some peace in knowing your uncle lives on in yours. Here's a big < > for you.

June 2, 2000
7:56 am
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soos
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Add my sympathies, too, me. *****

June 2, 2000
8:15 am
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me
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Thanks all,

The funeral was today and of course the rain suited the mood1

I cried and cried, no matter how hard I tried to stop the tears they just kept on coming!

I feel empty and washed out, but somehow, I feel that my Uncle is watching over me and I know that he is ok.

Vositor and Soos, thankyou both for your condolences.

Iris, it seems you were in a very similar situation and I am sorry for the pain you must have gone through at the time. Do you think about your dad all the time? Do the memories come to you at particular times? How did you get through it?

Not knowing anything about 'what happens after' (although I do believe that we 'move on' to a place that is safe and free) is scary. It's just that it would be great to know that what I believe is true... humans, we just need to know everything, don't we?

Janes, I know that I will never stop missing him, but I also believe that this pain will slowly subside.
You are right, it was great for him but for us it has been a nightmare!
I believe too, that he will give me the strength to get through this and many other ordeals in my life!

Heartfelt, the thought of him 'just changing lifestyles' has brought me a sense of peace- thank you!

Spirit, My Uncle will certainly live on in my heart- There is no way that I will ever let the love I have for him escape me!
Thanks for the <>! I needed it!

Sad, confused, relieved that the funeral is over, many mixed emotions... painful as his passing is, I will always remember the great person he was and the great memories he has given me...

Love, Me xxx

June 2, 2000
2:36 pm
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luby
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Me--
I know exactly how you feel. i just lost my dad a few weeks ago and sometimes it feels like the pain is endless. i have a big framed photo of him next to my bed and I talk to him all the time. Somehow it seems like he's listening, and he himself really is the biggest comfort to me, (if that makes any sense!) My condolences to you.

June 2, 2000
3:23 pm
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me.....our body is born, we live, and then move on....the spirit is always surrounding those of us still continuing on this earth. We all have purpose in life and sometimes circumstances out of our control on the physical realm speed up theprocess. When i lost my father 4 years ago, I spent two years with him being, observing, loving, and at his bedside on Memorial Day when he took his last earthly breath, I found myself closing his eyes and calling him Daddy. The child of 48, loving his Father as he began to breath new life in a different plane of existence. Oh, he's here all right, always. Guiding , teaching, or just listening. See, today he's a squirrel to me, for his love of nature. He literally had an uncanny personna that animals would come to him to feed out of his hand. So each time I see a squirrel, it's Pop, and he's having a blast. My older sister Carole knows that Dad is a deer. Go figure. Within there is peace knowing he left with dignity and arrived with guidance within my heart..................luby....make no mistake your Dad is holding you as he always has. He's fine and he knows you will be fine as well.....thinking of all....may you not suffer may you be at peace.

June 2, 2000
11:32 pm
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Luby,

YES, I too have photos surrounding me and as painful as it is each time I look at them, it also is comforting to see that familiar face and smile and to have a chat with him and tell him how life is going. He is a big comfort to me... I do know what you mean!

Look after yourself,

Me

June 3, 2000
10:44 am
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Spirit
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Me: As time goes on, you will hear a song, see a picture, a phrase spoken, and he will be there. When my brother passed on, he left behind two children, his daughter ready to graduate high school, his son, an angry youngman because dad had wasted away their time together. My brother was a smoker. When my niece smells cigarette smoke, no one in her house smokes, she knows her father is there with her. My nephew is getting over the anger. He takes a trip to the cemetary, lights a cigarette and places it on his father's grave. It gives him peace within. Me, I hear songs from our past, tears roll down my cheeks, then his face pops up, he is laughing at me for being so meloncholy. We didn't always have the best of relationships, but we managed to find each others' spirits somewhere alnog the way. As I said at his service, he is a free spirit able to come and go as he pleases, and as he is needed. I bid you peace in the times to come when your uncle spends time with you. Be at peace, little one...

June 4, 2000
1:47 am
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Iris
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Thank you "me", I am glad you are beginning to adjust. The first few days are the hardest.My father have passed away a long time ago,but I remember that I even lost some weight after his death.I think about him sometimes,especially when I look into his pictures or when I talk about him or when someone talks about him.

I got through it by first accepting and admitting that he was gone and that he is not going back,and that death is the final stage of life.I also didn't resist crying.

As Janes and Spirit said:time takes care of it(time takes care of allmost everything).

Take care.
.

June 4, 2000
4:04 am
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An passage from Stephen Levines book."Guided meditations,Explorations and Healings"........Death, like anything else can bring out the best in us. We have seen many people, as they approach even the confusion around death, go beyond that dismay and become one with the process. They deepen the work that perhaps took birth to complete. They are no longer someone separete, someone 'dying conciously", they are merely space within space, light within light.....a wonderful book addressing many life issues.

June 4, 2000
11:04 am
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KTHOMAS
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Death has surrounded me all my life. From the age of eleven when I lost my mother....to as recent as three years ago when I lost my precious mother-in-law. I am an orphane now...been so for six years...

I used to run from it...but was put into a situation where I had to care for my mother-in-law her last days. What I saw...her wasting to skin and bones, yes...the horror was extreme...but the thing that moved me so was her communication to the spirit world...I now believe without a doubt that when we die...there is a heaven and a God...he held her hand and was with her those last days...and he brought her peace admist her pain.....

Death is most painful for those of us left behind....those that leave us are finally free....and happier then they have ever been....

And yes, I believe those I have lost are with me...always.

June 5, 2000
5:06 pm
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vantas2
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Dear Me:

I can feel your pain I just lost my sister in a car accident feb 28 2000 believe it is very difficult there are so many things that remind me of her just remind yourself that your loved one is in a better place and you will see them again one day it's ok to cry it helps.....

June 6, 2000
7:05 am
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me
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Vantus2-

I am sorry to hear of your recent loss. I cannot begin to imagine what it must have been like for you!
Things that remind us of the ones we loved can be both painful and wonderful, don't you think?
I too believe my Uncle is in a 'better' place, but it still doesn't remove the pain I feel each time I am missing him.
I guess it's part of loving and being human...
My thoughts are with you-

Me xxx

June 6, 2000
7:23 am
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All who have lost those we love, feel the process of grieving begin. Unconditional love erases all that seemed in part to be conditional, or even taken for granted as we all due in daily life. We all grieve in different ways, nonetheless , no blueprint, thank God.....changing lifestyles is inevidable, some sooner some later, but our lifestyes will change. I believe it's for the better when those times come, a celebration, a rebirth to something only one dreams of. A vastness of loving kindness. Those who know hold sacred your grief and the process one feels as we carry the goodness of those who are now our angels.

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