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Why does it just "kill" me to make someone else unhappy?
February 5, 2007
5:11 pm
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baybrat
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Why does it just "kill" me to make someone else unhappy? What's wrong with me? All someone has to do is pout a little and I feel so bad I give in to whateve they want, even at my own expense. Has anyone out there ever gotten over this kind of behavior? How do I get my life back?

February 5, 2007
8:20 pm
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doubledilemma
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On behalf of everyone, welcome to this forum if you are new, baybrat!!

Well baybrat, according to the good folk on here, it is because we are co-dependent.. I understand how that feels, we need acceptance and love so much that we sacrifice ourselves.

You have come to the right place. Please just keep on posting and read some books on co-dependency. The two main authors are Pia Mellody and Melody Beattie (I know that is confusing)!!!

Others may wish to comment on which author or book/s they have found the best for them, as you are starting out.

Anyone else please who can assist?

D_D

February 5, 2007
8:44 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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i know what you mean brat, What i finally figured out is I don't really know what makes other people happy I only think I do. I tried to solve everybody's problems, I couldn't and they weren't happy either.

It's a tough thing to do but somehow you have to find a balance. Find out what makes you really happy and find out what things you do for other people make you happy and then therotically, you will be happpy too. (please tell me if you find this magic balance 😉 )

February 10, 2007
3:32 pm
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truthBtold
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baybrat,

There is a really good book out there that has helped me loads:

It is called: "Emotional Blackmail" When the people in your life use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward, PhD

Another good one is "Pulling Your Own Strings" by Wayne Dyer.

February 10, 2007
4:42 pm
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on my way
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just a thought....it might be that if you make someone else unhappy, that it inevitabley goes back to you and how you feel about yourself? which if you think about it...neither are related, your value does not depend on making someone else happy, or maybe you might feel as if you failed them in someway? you aren't responsible for someone else's happiness, but there are times that you can make a difference for the better.

February 10, 2007
7:10 pm
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gracenotes
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One cannot really "make" someone else unhappy. It is the other person's choice as to how they respond to whatever they think has the potential cause unhappiness. They really have a choice as to how they respond.

If everyone was emotionally healthy in a situation, there would be respect and honor for others' decisions, even if one thought they were the wrong decisions. That is being respectful of someone's else and also using good boundaries in not encroaching, judging, and manipulating decisions one makes.

I am learning that that is how the healthy people in my life live their lives. They are not interested in controlling others in any unhealthy way, and, if adults, not at all. Healty people are more saying "oh well" to themselves instead of confronting the other person for their so-called bad decision.

By healing codependency issues, I think I am truly beginning to understand this one and am using this in my life too.

February 10, 2007
7:52 pm
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sleepless in uk
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Hi Baybrat

Yes I know exactly what you mean...the ooks mentioned are helpful, you might find it really eye opening to read something like 'Codependent No More' by Melody Beattie

When I read it I really had an Aha moment....like oh my god someone understands me

best of luck

February 10, 2007
8:44 pm
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lizzyy
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Hi,
WOW I know how you fill, Stick to your guns and make sure you come fist, take some time to think of what you want and do it.....YOU COME FIRST and are MOST IMPORTANT.

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