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Why do they call it a 'Comfor Zone' when it hurts so bad?
May 21, 2004
12:14 pm
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uswalker
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15 years in 12 step recovery from alcohol and drugs and I am just now getting to a place of true willingness to even 'try' to change. Have been noticing this sick, self-defeating, dark and depressing 'comfort zone' that scares the hell out of me. It's all FEAR. They acronym F_ck Everything and Run is slowly being replaced with Face Everything and Recover.

Bouncing between a facade/mask of Arrogance and feelings of gross Inferiority just shows me the level of my self esteem, which I have used pretty much 'anything', people, places and things in order to feel OK about me. Of course none of this has ever worked.

Just recently, I have re-committed myself to true sobriety, not just eliminating drugs and alcohol but diving into my program of change. As I have been open and willing to 'be out there', great things have been happening in my life. This is when the problem starts ... the fear overwhelms me and I can no start seeing that it is because these positive, loving additions to my life threaten the pit of despiar, self pity and intense loneliness of my 'comfort zone'. Some comfort zone. It's sick to want to stay in a place that I KNOW is so unhealthy, yet it feels safe.

As these wonderful loving people keep coming into my life in genuine love for me, it almost hurts to be so naked, to feel so undeserving and un-lovable. I 'know' better, but act differently. All I can do is pray to my higher power for help, for relief from 'self', this self that I have created from many years of fear and hiding and self preservation that IS NOT WORKING anymore. This is definetley the hardest thing I have ever had to face - my self.

May 21, 2004
12:38 pm
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nancee
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What an awesome post. I've got tears in my eyes after reading it. You said some things I have just been trying to verbalize and couldn't find the words. The pit of despair and loneliness that is my comfort zone. The nakedness I feel when someone genuinely cares about me. I just want to be somewhere on the sidelines or in the background without anyone being too aware of me or I panic. It's good that you are trying to face up to it and deal with it. That's what I'm doing too.

May 21, 2004
4:10 pm
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CAMER
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wow!!uswalker, great way to post, and its true "fear" has so much to do
with coda and being in a "comfort zone". For me, its not until I test my fear and face it, I seem to be so
much better, thanks for your words of
wisdom and congrats on your sobriety
from booze and drugs!!!

May 21, 2004
6:14 pm
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Anonymous
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I understand the comfort zone confusion. Sometimes it like trying to define the difference between walking on broken glass or getting pelted in the head with rocks. I mean, when where you are hurts, and where you're headed hurts, what difference does it really make?

The thing about it is that you are making the moves forward, toward something better, not away from the good things in life. Running from what you deserved was the old part of your life, the old comfort zone. Pretty soon, you'll find out that you feel comfortable having people love you for who you are and the pain, fear, and vulnerability will start to fade away.

I hope that in the midst of your pain, you are taking a bit of time to feel some pride. You deserve it. You are making a choice that many people are never brave enough to come to, and it is a very big deal!

Ren'ai

May 22, 2004
2:23 pm
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uswalker
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The three most powerful words I have ever verbalized in sobriety are "I Need Help". This is the fork in the road whereas you opne the floodgates of support, and when said in humility and honesty,these words invite the very best in human nature, real compassion and love ... true support! This is when I must make a decision as to whether or not I will take the risk and opt to be uncomfortable in sneaking outside of my sick self imposed cave.

A friend in sobriety sent me this meditation that I find helpful in addressing my fear of stepping out into the light from the subconscious desire to stay firmly 'stuck' in the mire of the known evil, my past way of being.

I offer this in love and true compassion for all who suffer...

Meditation for Compassionate Change

Today I am grateful for my ability to change,
even though I feel uncomfortable with the feelings that come with new ways.

Change means letting go of the old and taking up the new. It means closing doors that kept me in the past and opening the doors of my present reality.

My experience caused me to become rigid in an effort to cling to some narrow perception of my world that allowed me to feel safe. The notion of holding things still, not allowing them to change, offered me a scrap of security. But the nature of life is cyclical and moving. We are all passing through on a journey. Anything we own has really only been temporarily placed in our care by a power greater than ourselves.

When I let go of the old and make room for the new, I expect that my reward will be ease and comfort. Instead I find myself fearful of beginning again and, like a young, tender baby, I need much care and attention to grow and flourish. With time and compassion I will become more comfortable. I give myself this time and compassion.

May 23, 2004
1:47 pm
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lindalee
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I can totally relate to this post. I have been living such a life of made-up security, one where I thought that by controling everyone and thing around me, I was safe. Now having to let go of this control, of having to actually face my true feelings and not deny them, I have been in a constant state of panic, terror and complete disconnection from the rest of the world. I am better today after going to church and being reminded that God is my "father" who loves me purely, consistently and without conditions. I think that when I am well I want to ride a roller coaster, something I have always been afraid of. (really just one of the millions of things I've been afraid of)

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