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WHY DO I STILL SEE HIM?
December 8, 2001
12:21 am
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ALESSIA
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I got married 1 year ago to a gut i met on the net. Stupidly, i did it on a rebound. to make long story short, I believe in marriage and was going to give it a good effort when within 1 week of marriage, he said things like "If I don't get all the sex I need, I'm going to see your neighbor downstairs, a girl down the street,etc." though these women would not look twice at him, I know he wans't "really" serious, but put me on alert that I really made a BIG mistake. I did...he ended up being verbal;ly abusive. though he's my husband, I feel he "raped" me twice. He is apparently an alcoholic, or sure acts like one. Gambler. Wanted me to do alot of supporting the household, even though he's capable of a really great salary. He's a sex addict and made my life impossible. twice I've placed restraining orders on him. The second order is still mostly in place, though we are allowed to see each other (not at my home)and talk to each other. What is WRONG WITH ME???!!! I know he's not really the man for me...He is extremely domineering and of course, he's "the man" in this marriage and tells me I'm a bad wife. Lately, when I've seen him he acts nice and you almost believe he wants to change. But, given time, he proves himself to be the animal I know he is. Please, any advice or experiences in letting go? Help!!

December 8, 2001
1:41 pm
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artist 2
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Uh, How about "DIVORCE HIM." and forget you ever met him. Move on and chalk this one up as a learning experience.

December 8, 2001
6:01 pm
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suzyblue
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What's familiar is easier, even if it is wrong. Are you just lonely? Be careful!

December 10, 2001
7:37 pm
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gingerleigh
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If there are no kids involved, cut your losses and run... run quick like bunny, run like the wind.

Nothing is wrong with you, or rather nothing is wrong with you that isn't wrong with just about everyone else posting here. Very normal. Maybe not "healthy", but real real normal.

It's been suggested before to others, but I'll suggest it to you too. Make a list of all the really mean things he's done to you. Then add to the list the little mean things. Then the annoyances like the mustard on his chin or the unibrow or fish belly white beer gut. Then write out "I wish he would have..." and all those innermost desires you held so close and were wanting so much yet he never ever delivered. Hold that list, and read it if you ever need encouragement to continue on your merry way.

*hug*

December 11, 2001
4:18 pm
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Ladeska
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Get away, stop examining your belly button, twirling your hair, spinning around in circles, etc., etc. Just get him out of your life. That's all the advice you need. You know you need to do it, so why aren't you doing it? You have enough information now to see "who he is", right? So, why do you need anyone to tell you - what you already know and see for yourself? Could it be that you are lazy? Or could it be that - you don't see yourself as any better than he is, so why bother, really getting away from him? Either answer is a pretty sad one isn't it? So - Do Something About It.

December 18, 2001
1:06 pm
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strengthcourageandwisdom
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Alessia,
As you can see most of us posting, are short and to the point ,
Why? Because we have heard it all before, or worse lived it all before.
I'm not going to talk about the inner child, or co-dependency, on this one.
Let's just cut to the chase.
What has he done, that was so MAGNIFICANT- that he deserves you, and all you have to give.
NAME ONE THING.
What has he given you, that you feel you must pay back with your pride, your self-esteem, your very essence (because that is what you are giving him right now)
NAME ONE THING
Tell me pls,
I don't know anything any man can give that I will trade in MYSELF.

December 18, 2001
2:33 pm
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artist 2
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Tell us where you are Alessia... what's happening?

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