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Why do I love a jerk?
February 22, 2004
1:48 pm
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marley
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I am so angry right now! I do taxes for work and so I have did his accounting/taxes last year and I was doing them today (b/c I want them finished before he gets back) and the bastard bought her another plane ticket for $422 (in addition to the $2100 he western union'ed to her in Costa Rica). I am so flippin angry and I don't really know why and I just want to beat him and scream at him. Why did he love her so much more than me? Why did he give her all of this and nothing to me? He treated her like a queen and he treated me like dirt? This isn't what I want out of life or a relationship - so why I am so consumed with him wanting to be with me? Is this some sick game of revenge?

I am totally at a loss I don't know how to feel anymore.

Do I love him? Or am I attached to the pleasure/pain cycle? What am I really looking for? It can't be this. Who would want this? I just can't stand it anymore!!!!!!

I broke down and emailed him last week (like I mentioned on losing resolve) and I emailed him today to see if I could find where his 2002 tax forms are so I can finish the damn return and be done with it, but now I am wishing I had just stood my ground and let him flounder in his own messy life situation.

I feel bad b/c he won't be able to pay his taxes and part of it is b/c of the money he gave that stupid girl. WHY AM I SO UPSET ABOUT THIS? WHY DO I EVEN CARE?

HELP

February 22, 2004
2:11 pm
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Zinnie
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Marley,

Whoa - slow down!

Just slow down. O.K. - this is upsetting you, way too much. Put all of his stuff in an envelope, put his address on it, mail it to him. Let him deal with his own mess. If he cannot pay his taxes, that is his own problem, and if he cannot pay them because he sent his money to this girl - well then so be it.

Marley, read your post. Let him go... just let him go. You cannot force someone to love you, sadly you just can't. Let him send this girl money, let him chase her all over the world.

But, you have got to start taking care of you. O.K. This man has no interest in giving you what you need. The sad thing is he is only interested in taking what he wants at the time he wants it. When his relationships with other women are not going well - then he wants you? What is that about? Why? You are the prime rib honey, not yesterday's tuna cassarole. The problem is, you need to look in the mirror and see that.

You deserve better than this. Pack up that stuff, send it to him, and be done with it.

Love,

Zinnie

February 22, 2004
6:00 pm
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Anonymous
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yaaa... i agree with zinnie, you are a special individu, and each of us are special and deserve to have respect en love we need, if they can't do that for you, you r not belong to that place, so you don't have to wait... noone treat you badly, only you let other do that to you......

February 23, 2004
3:54 pm
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marley
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I have been reading this stuff on narcissim. He sounds like a narcissist, but then he is not aware enough to be a charmer/abuser but he acts like one of those too sometimes. But then he really does seem to care about me and he gives me the space I want. Am I so deluded that I don't know up from down anymore? Is he just a self-absorbed person who has caught me in his web?

February 23, 2004
5:10 pm
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Zinnie
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Yep - just like that. Sharpen those claws to escape the web - and spread your wings to fly away.

February 23, 2004
5:14 pm
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marley
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Z -

I know you are right, but I so do not WANT to believe that it is true. Is this normal? How do I un-brainwash myself into accepting that he is Mr. Pretend?

February 24, 2004
1:37 am
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Zinnie
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Hi Marley,

Yes, this is normal. You have looked up to him for a long time. You have thought he was Mr. Perfect - what you really wanted in a man. But, as you have come to see the real him - you are seeing that he is Mr. Pretend.

We all have them (sadly) in our lives. Let me tell you, when I met my first "Mr. Perfect" - oh boy, did I fall and hard. Actually, I had known him growing up. We grew up in the same neighborhood, our families were friends, and I just thought he was soooooooooo good looking. Well, he finally asked me out. All of my friends were like "wow, HE asked you out, you LUCKY girl you!" Turns out he was a nightmare from hell. But, I could not see it because I had built him up in my mind so high for so long that I thought surely the problems we encountered were my fault. Of course, he was also right there telling me it was my fault.

When I look back at that relationship now - I think to myself "what in the world was I thinking?" I mean really WHAT was I thinking? He was a nightmare, and I'm so glad that I had the gumption to stay away from him. When we first broke up, I kept thinking "oh, he will come back to me" - I prayed for him to come back to me, I begged him, you name it I tried it. Then, slowly I started realizing what he was about. When tha happened I was able to move on.

Years later when I ran into him, I looked at him and thought "what in the name of the green earth did I see in him?"

So, yes, it's normal Marely - like I said you have felt so much for him for so long. Once you take those rose colored glasses off and start looking at him for the person he really is, you will be amazed. When you look back, the same thing will happen. You will think "I saw THAT as being great?"

Really - you will...

Love,

Zinnie

February 24, 2004
4:35 am
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chrissy
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hi i got married to a jerk.
i was 20 when i got married and now i am 21 i have moved out as he has cheated on me with another girl i love him but i dont know why. Even though i have moved out i still think about him all the time and have sex with him still even thought he wants out. i dont know what to do i love him but he treats me like shit and he know that he is doing it to

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