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why do i go for "bad boys"?
November 2, 2000
10:06 pm
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anastasia74
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this will be long, but please bear with me. I met a boy online three years ago after breaking up with a boyfriend who cheated on me. he seemed like a dream. he made me feel so special and wanted. three months later i found out that his identiy was a lie, but i was still in love with him. he went to jail for 4 months and then contacted me again when he got out. again on the computer and on the phone he made me feel like i was the most important person in the world. we got along so well. i told him i didnt' care that he lied about his identity i was in love with his personality. 3 months later he went to jail again for another 3 months. during this period i met a man that i am still with today who is more than i could ever dream in a great guy. the only problem is i don't feel the same energy towards him as i do the boy, i mean i love him but i am not "in" love with him. when the boy got out of jail again, he contacted me and we tried to set up having him visit me. he bought the ticket but before he could come he went to jail again. he wrote to me and said he'd call me when he got out but his release date had past and it was another 2 months before he contacted me again. this was the beginning of this year. finally in april he contacted me and i arranged to go over there (london) to visit him finally. we planned on him coming here and living with me and then possibly getting married. i went and visited him and had the best time of my life. i really felt he was my soulmate. i come from a very wealthy family, i have a daughter, however her father was a recovering drug addict and ended up dying this past april. i was deeply saddened by the loss and the boy helped me get through it. he came over here at the end of august and for the first month and a half thigns were so great. then i found out about a girl he's been talking to. well we got into a huge fight this past monday and i told him to call this girl and have her take him because i was not going to deal with the situation...i dont' want to go into detail because it hurts too much. well now its thursday night, he's there and she won't let him talk to me. i am so devastated because he said that the only reason he's going up there is to give me some space for two weeks then he is coming back. he said he'd call me when he got there but he didn't. she won't let him check his email or be in any situation where he can get in touch with me. i've called with no answer or just a hang up or just the voice mail. i miss him so much and i really think that i'm in love with him, but he has hurt me so many times already. i don't even know if he really loved me or if i was just a toy to pass the time. i mean i thought he loved me considering he was crying when he left. i dont' know what to do and there is so much more that i am leaving out. to top it all off, the man that i am dating has put up with all this stuff between me and the boy and is still here. he loves my daughter to death and says that he will be there for her even if we dont' work out. why don't i love the man nearly as much as i feel that i love the boy. i miss the boy so much that i have cried everyday since he's been gone. to top it all off i am a week late on my period. i don't know how to get in touch with the boy if i am and i get the feeling he has left another kid behind where he comes from. i dont' know what to do.

November 2, 2000
10:22 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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I work with those bad boys in therapy, and I think it is the rush of endprphins with the romantic manipulation, every woman loves to get swept off her feet. sorry about the late period, keep your fingers crossed and pray. I would recommend that you stay away from men, and relationships completely for at least 2 years, get some counseling, and discover you. You have a child that needs you, not a mother who is emotionally abscent, getting her needs temporarily satisfied else where. that was a hard slap,and I apologize, but put your self in the childs place, you have been through allot, and subsequently despite how we try to hide it, or keep them from it, they get the brunt, of the mothers pain. Usually women go for the same man and the same pain over and over again, the stories of controll that they share, amazing how they undermine a women over the phone, while incarcerated. don't accept phone calls, and don't return the letters. sad but true, many many women are right there to pick up these guys and they do use the women. They themselves are so emotionally disconnected, and damaged it makes no difference, if you say no and bye, there is another girl just like you waiting. You deserve better, jump off the merry go round.

November 3, 2000
3:42 pm
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janes
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Actually, Molly, that really wan't a hard slap. Wouldn't a harder slap be getting into a horrible relationship losing your child and your self forever? to often we cushion the "truth" in platitudes that make doing the "wrong" or "silly " thing okay.

I totally agree with the no men thing for two years.

Many codependents have a habit of choosing poorly and then saying--oh poor me.

Anastasia - your life, whether you know it or not yet..is your own (and your child's for awhile) No man..even a soulmate is going to make you feel complete. Tears? I wouldn't trust tears from a fella who can't keep himself out of the slammer. He is making some poor choices in his life. I wouldn't touch a relationship with him until HE has had 4 years of therapy. The other girl won't let him check his email? Flimsy.

Why don't you want the man? Grass is always greener and....it's too easy.

You desperately ned to find you NOW before you are trapped in a series of relationships with people that are "bad" for you.

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