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why do guys do this?
February 1, 2005
2:32 pm
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marley
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here is a question for the guys -

why do you stay with someone who you are always complaining about to your friends?

February 1, 2005
4:31 pm
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marley
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hello? if anyone has any input (even if you aren't a guy cuz I am sure girls do this too) I would appreciate it.

February 1, 2005
4:32 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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I don't know. It's something we all do.

February 1, 2005
4:39 pm
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marley
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seriously? that is it? just because? Doesn't it indicate that we want something different? Or maybe that we are just really unhappy people or something?

February 1, 2005
4:45 pm
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No, it indicates we're foolish and indecisive. It indicates that we're insecure and selfish. It indicates we don't want to hurt the one we're with and can't stand to be around them.

Why is it bothering you?

February 1, 2005
4:50 pm
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marley
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IT JUST DOES! Don't you want to be happy? Take a chance, see if there is something better? I mean if you are always complaining shouldn't you leave and save your friends the headache?

February 1, 2005
4:56 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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No. My friends should tell me to shit or get off the pot; that I needed to stop complaining about it and enjoy life regardless of whether I was going to stay or go.

They would tell me to stop bitching because it made me a pain in the ass to hang around.

February 1, 2005
4:59 pm
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Anonymous
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I would have to agree, I think we all do it, and that we bitch so that we can get it out, and then once it is out we feel better and that no matter if you stay or not, the thing is to not be there for a friend either way, it is mainly to just not listen to them bitch but still be their friend.

I don't know it does get old listening to people bitch about the samething, but sometimes it takes some longer than others to realize things, and also maybe they just bitch so that they can find ways to not want to be with you even though they do.

February 1, 2005
5:26 pm
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marley
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yeah I understand all of that - but do you think that if you just let them continue to bitch that eventually they will come to the realization on their own that they are miserable and they need to change something or will they just stay and keep bitching? Plus it is a lot harder when guys do it - I mean girls are different, we just babble sometimes to make noise. But men are supposed to be decisive and aggressive and dominant. It is beyond irritating to listen to them whine.

February 1, 2005
5:30 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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A lot of times when anyone vents it releases the pressure that motivates one to actually change the situation. You're right. When guys whine it is beyond irritating. That's funny.

February 1, 2005
5:42 pm
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marley
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I guess that makes sense, once you vent you just go on with your day. But seriously, why would say derogatory stuff about your wife all of the time? Why marry her then? I just don't understand.

Are you being sarcastic about the man-whining? Like men should be allowed to whine or something?

February 1, 2005
5:51 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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No. I am not being sarcastic. When a man whines it's like watching a three year old put on make-up. It's funny, for a while, until you realize that it's going nowhere and there's a huge mess to clean up.

He married her, probably because he felt like he had to. Now he regrets it and bitching is the only way to make him feel better.

February 1, 2005
6:09 pm
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marley
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yeah but why? why do men feel they have to get married? just say no and hold out for what you want, right? aren't guys always doing the grass is greener thing?

February 1, 2005
6:12 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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Just because I got out of marrying a woman I thought I could do better than doesn't mean all men will.

Some men are suckers. Sorry. Why are you so invested with him?

February 1, 2005
6:36 pm
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marley
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invested with who? I am just asking cuz I have this friend who is married and he is always complaining and I am not sure if he is seriously trying to have an affair with me or not. Maybe he is just playing it all up so I feel bad for him or something. I should stop talking to him, I know - but we are pretty good friends.

February 1, 2005
6:48 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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This is the same problem you were having when I first showed up here only I believe you said that it wasn't you but it was a friend who had the problem with the guy looking outside of his marraige.

You're not responsible for this guy. If you want to end the marraige so this guy will be freed up stop listening to him bitch about it. The proof is in the pudding. If the marraige really isn't meant to be it will fall apart once the pressure valve is clamped off.

I would tell you that this man is probably not the great guy you think he is. The bottom line is that good men don't bitch about their wives to female friends who they may or may not be attracted to. Good men aren't pushed into a marraige and they certainly don't try to force their way into one.

I would suggest that while you may be enjoying the attention he gives you now, once he is free from his significant other there will be a different side of him you'll see. It won't be pretty.

Good luck to you. You seem content to wallow in this muck and I'm not going to stop you or lecture you for it. Have fun.

February 1, 2005
7:11 pm
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marley
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THANKS. But I am really not thinking that he is great guy or anything and I am not trying to get him away from his wife. I don't want to be with him or anything.

February 1, 2005
7:20 pm
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eternaloptimist
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Hi Marley!

Sounds to me as if this guy wants something from you. Maybe a woman's perspective. Maybe an affair to ease his pain. Maybe a person he can simply confide in.

Whbatever the reason, this guy can't talk to his wife about his feelings. My only suggestion would be to have him talk to his wife about his concerns. That is the only real way he will get through this dilemma. Hell, she probably doesn't even know he is bitching about her behind her back.

Eternal

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