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Why do "Authority Figures" still push my bottons?
January 19, 2007
5:17 pm
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truthBtold
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I guess even acknowledging this is a step in the right direction huh?

Nevertheless, a lesson here which I am not quite sure what it is.

Thoughts from anyone?

January 19, 2007
5:20 pm
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on my way
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Well,
For me, it isn't so much Authority Figures (AF), but perhaps "attitudes". If an AF is respectful, then no problem. But if an AF acts like they know it all, etc. then they are aproblem for everyone. As an AF we are to be respectful...to a dgree, but do not have to agree with them. And I suppose if one finds themselves faced with an ***hole of an AF everyday, then it would be time to speak up, or time for a change.

January 19, 2007
5:29 pm
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truthBtold
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I guess....authority figure or not....it's up to me to decide whether or not I choose to give my personal power away........being the adult that I am......hmmmmmm.

January 19, 2007
5:41 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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TruthBtold, I am like the Lion on the wizard of OZ when it comes to authority.. I think If I just had the courage. So I usually muster up some when it comes todealing with an confrontation..What is odd to me right now I feel like everyone is an authority, even the teenagers I'm around. they don't know I feel that way, but I do...horsefly

January 20, 2007
11:32 am
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garfield9547
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truthBtold

I am a very ANTI Authority person.

in some ways it has been good and in some bad for me.

I needed to know where to draw the line. I had to be overresponcible as a child so i was used to being in charge as i did not a choice.

In life things worked different. I realised that i need authority in some ways. I connected ALL authority with my parents. That was a bad connection as I could never trust them.

This does not mean that authority I come across in general day to day is all bad.

I needed to see this. I sabotaged myself lots of times by being anti authority and have learned from it

If anybody wants to be anti authority and think he or her has good reasons for a matter its good. But then that person has to take the lead and show others how he or she thinks it should be done.

This is where I failed. I did not want authority, but I also did not want to take the responcibility to take the lead.

Love

Garfield

January 20, 2007
11:47 am
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garfield9547
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truthBtold

Like your name says lets talk about the truth.

As i said I am also a anti authority person. I have burned my fingers and have learned to change.

I can relate. I got some information.

I think i am passive aggresive. Could never show my anger in the house i grew up.

please read this and give me your feedback

from the site psycologytoday.com

Passive-aggressors express anger indirectly, typically by resisting perfectly reasonable requests. A sad paradox underlies their behavior: They desire approval and cultivate a dependence on others, but then chafe at being locked into such a relationship. They act out their frustration by procrastinating, forgetting and intentionally acting inefficiently. "The underlying message is 'Don't control me,'" says therapist Beverly Engel, author of Honor Your Anger: How Transforming Your Anger Style Can Change Your Life.

But because they perceive overt anger—both their own and others'—as invariably dangerous, they are loathe to confront anyone and cause a scene. They anxiously mollify their victims if the possibility of truly setting them off strikes. And they're quick to pass the blame for the catastrophes they spark.

How to Spot Them
Some people are escape artists, forever slipping out of the responsibilities they resent having to fulfill. Others are sulkers: They happily agree to go out for Ethiopian food—rather than risk upsetting their dinner date—but then pout over the menu before ordering nothing more than a glass of water.

About half of passive-aggressors are fully aware of what they are doing, Engel estimates. The rest act (or don't act) unwittingly and then wonder why they get people's blood boiling.

In either case, a true passive-aggressor is not always easy to spot. It can be difficult to distinguish between a careless mistake and a passive-aggressive attack, says Murphy. Lingering dirty dishes, lost house keys or a tendency to give obviously inappropriate presents could be signs of a failing memory or poor judgment. "Your husband could forget to put gas in the car when you have a job interview across town," he says. "But if things like this keep happening over time, hidden anger is clearly at work."

Origin of the Species
Passive-aggressive adults likely grew up in a home where anger wasn't expressed, or where they were severely punished for standing up to their parents. Or, mom and dad may have passed on inconsistent messages about appropriate behavior: One time they praised their daughter for being funny and entertaining in front of guests, but when she hammed it up at the next party, they scolded her, telling her to stop showing off. A child who receives such mixed messages will start hesitating before she acts, says Engel, and will consequently fail to assert herself effectively.

As a young adult, she may begin to feel misunderstood. Worse, she may lose touch with her true desires and come down with a case of chronic indecision, marked by wishy-washy attitudes toward friends and career plans.

The Endangered Office
If a boss overlooks passive-aggression on the job, Murphy says, the syndrome can spread like a disease as employees learn that underhanded behavior can actually get them ahead.

If you're stuck with a coworker who neglects to give you critical information or, even worse, dispenses misinformation, carefully document your actions and communications to protect yourself. Encourage your passive-aggressive subordinates to set their own deadlines and take more ownership over their assignments so their anti-authority buttons aren't pushed. Whereas a temporarily confused or perpetually incompetent colleague will say, "I'm sorry, I didn't understand," after a mishap, a passive-aggressive person will somehow manage to pass the buck, says Engel. "Even if he apologizes, you'll end up feeling manipulated and you'll sense his insincerity."

Foiling Attacks
People elicit passive-aggressive behavior. If you are gullible, a natural caretaker or a peacemaker who will go to great lengths to smooth conflicts, you can become a safe dumping ground for indirect rage, Murphy says.

And if you can't tolerate honest feedback, you may be provoking passive-aggressive behavior in colleagues or family members who normally express themselves in healthier ways, says Murphy. Encourage them to speak up, or don't be surprised to find yourself quietly thwarted, yet again.

Thanks

Garfield

January 20, 2007
12:16 pm
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bevdee
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TruthB

I believe any resentment I have toward most authority figures stems from my childhhod, and the authority I was forced to obey in my mother. Who I did not respect. Who, IMO, was not qualified for the job. From church leaders that were not to be questioned, despite their actions. I could give alot of examples but, for me, those are the two that come to mind first.

Today,the only authority figures I respect are the ones who I see fulfilling the obligations of the job, and yes- I watch and judge. Especially public servants - cause they on my dime!!

I do respect those that will say, hey I'm new at this - I need help- because that is at least honest.

Good question!!

Bevdee

January 20, 2007
12:38 pm
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garfield9547
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bevdee

Well said. This is the same for me.

I think its my mother speaking but its not.

This was the lesson I learned

Thanks

Garfield

January 20, 2007
12:51 pm
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bevdee
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Garfield-

I got to thinking about this- actually, I don't "appreciate" it when I even hear someone talking in an authoratative tone of voice - especially women. I can feel this... resistance rising up in me. Ha!! Pretty funny to hear that coming from me - the feminazi- but there it is.

January 20, 2007
1:19 pm
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garfield9547
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bevdee

i am a feminist. Maybe to protect myself. I get along more with males than with females.

wonder why? heheh

Garfield

January 20, 2007
1:22 pm
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bevdee
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Garfield

I don't know - the statement seems like an oxymoron to me. However, I think I get along better with males, too!!

Why do you suppose it is?

January 20, 2007
1:42 pm
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garfield9547
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bevdee

I had a immature mother. Tried to protect her from my father. Later realised that my mother maybe did more damage to me than my father, do not know.

Because i had to mother my mother i somehow had to be her husband. Hope this makes sense.

Had to be more respocible at a unapropiate age.

Maybe this is a clue, ???

Also I thought I might have more caracteristicts of my father than my mother. Would be awfull if true. Just thinking

Garfield

January 20, 2007
2:19 pm
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Loralei
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"I don't "appreciate" it when I even hear someone talking in an authoratative tone of voice - especially women. I can feel this... resistance rising up in me."

Bev, I find that comment most interesting. Do you think that women in general get a bad rap by being called aggressive when they are merely being assertive because so many people had a dysfunctional relationship with their mothers? You know, that old double standard that especially exists in the business world. They project their mother issues onto their female bosses and coworkers. Any woman who is in a position of authority seems to attract critics whereas her male counterpoint doesn't. Something to think about.

January 20, 2007
2:35 pm
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bevdee
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Loralei

"Do you think that women in general get a bad rap by being called aggressive when they are merely being assertive because so many people had a dysfunctional relationship with their mothers?"

Yes, I thought of that after I posted. I get along pretty well with females in charge, but the way they speak really makes a difference for me.

The sad thing is, a female in a supervisory postition has to be more assertive and firm to command respect. A real Catch-22 isn't it?

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