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Why can't they make a phone call
October 5, 2001
11:08 am
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Cici
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Ha ha ha, I always joke with my Dad that my Mom was his mid-life crisis because when they met, she was 16 and he was 39, and when they married she was 19 and he was 41!! Granted, this was in Vietnam during the war but still, I really can't imagine being physically attracted to a man who was 22 when I was born. Really. Ewwwww.

Molly, sometimes I have to remind myself how lucky I am to have a husband so willing to try. But you know what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. I was complaining to my mother on Sunday (PS, the preemie twins had their Baptism on Monday, and I was out of town helping Princess Sister with her "Christening", which BTW had almost as many people there as my wedding. Ug).

My Mom gave me this look like I was completely insane. She said that there were things about my Dad that still irritated her, but you have to sit back and think how much your irritation is just your interpretation of the situtation and how much of it is actually valid and reality-based.

The thing is that my hub used to not call and go hang out wiht his buddies and drink beers when we fought. At first we just argued, which made him retreat further, but then I realized that my high school debate training would pay off. I sat down and wrote out why I felt angry, dismissed purely emotional reactions and concentrated on proving through calm reasoning why his behaviors were detrimental to our relationship and thus to him. It was amazing how well he responded, and how different it was from when we argued.

Wallace, the book has a whole chapter on the difference between men and women in communication. It's a lot deeper than socialization. It really is innate, women are "persuers" and men are "withdrawers" (usually). Lately I've been taking time-outs and short drives when we're arguing, and I always put in the Beatles, "We Can Work it Out" and John Lennon, "Imagine." Music is soooo therapeutic.

October 5, 2001
12:27 pm
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Molly
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Music is such a great tool, and really does work. I am sure that when you took all of the emotion and feelings out of the story hubby could hear you. That is how their brains, hehe:) work. I still like that concept in the Sweet Potatoes Book of Love, I do read trash on occasion, they suggest that we have five men in our lives at all times, the lover, the listener, the fixer, and bill payer, and the fun one, or something like that. Your mom did give some good advice. Glad to see your doing well. Stop the sibling competition, you crack me up. How in the world did she get that many people to come? Shouldn't have shared your list. But look at it this way, she gets to chase two kids at the same time har har har, karma. Take your phone off the hook when they start teething. har har har. Twin teen agers, har har har, you can move by then.

October 5, 2001
2:42 pm
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Cici
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Oh, Lord, she wants even more now. Personally, after having an emergency C-section and going through the stress and fear of having 3-month premature twins, I would want to hold off on even more stress to the poor body, but she cheerily asserts that "God will provide" (meaning my parents and my Mom's family, who all happen to give her monthly money and buy all her diapers and food and pay her phone bill, but whatever. God. Mom. Same thing. ).

I'm tired of women having their emotions discounted! Just because you have emotions doesn't make you bizarre(or my husband's favorite: emotionally random). Just because something affects you and you express that reaction externally doesn't mean you are insane. Just because you get PMS doesn't disqualify you as a rational person. Then again, I have PMS right now, so there you go. ACK!

October 5, 2001
5:22 pm
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pill
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The Sweet Potato Queens RULE!!! Read also The Red Tent...

now.... where did my list of men go?...

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