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Why can't they make a phone call
September 28, 2001
11:10 am
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pam g fu
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Why when men decide to stay out all night they don't answer their cell phones or at least a courtesy call to say that they are okay and alive and that they won't be home. A simple phone call could eleviate worry and the hurt of feeling like we don't matter.

September 28, 2001
11:12 am
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wallace
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And why is it that they say "Oh, I'll phone you next week" and they don't. And when you phone them, they don't mention it or act as if they have done nothing wrong?

September 28, 2001
1:12 pm
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pam g fu
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I believe that men's feelings are like cement

September 28, 2001
1:36 pm
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Cici
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My husband and I used to fight like cats and dogs because he would do things like that, when we were dating.

Recently I got a really great book called "Fighting for Your Marriage." We go through it chapter by chapter, and answer questions and do exercises at the end of each chapter. It's been really beneficial because we learned how men and women communicate differently and I learned how to argue effectively. Now when we have disagreements, we set aside time during the week to meet and write down our agendas so that we won't get out of control or argue off topic.

I used to get angry and we would fight and nothing would ever get resolved, but I finally feel like he is actually hearing what I'm saying instead of seeing "hysterical woman" and shutting me out.

just a thought - sometimes how we communicate is just as important as what we're trying to communicate.

September 28, 2001
2:03 pm
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Anonymous
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GOOD FOR YOU CICI, SO TRUE

September 28, 2001
4:01 pm
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pam g fu
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The sad thing is he says he is sorry but he still does it, it just breaks my heart that he has no respect for my feelings. I appreciate the book, but it takes two people to work it out not just one. I'm not mad I am hurt and feel like someone ripped my heart out. I told him he had a month to get it together and things go good and this happens. I know he wouldn't want me to do that to him

September 28, 2001
4:49 pm
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pill
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Because they are proving that they are still free, and as tempting as it may be to be "weak" and need a woman's love, some men simply can't do it. So, because they don't understand WHY they want a woman's love, they treat it all like a game.

September 28, 2001
6:12 pm
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pam g fu
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well you know the saying do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You can only be slammed so many times before it takes a toll.

September 29, 2001
3:22 pm
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wallace
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Cici, Does your book say anything about why they don't communicate like we would like them to. Is it because they are altogether more secure emotionally than we are?

September 29, 2001
6:36 pm
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pill
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I think it's because they are focused on getting things accomplished. Women are focused on unity and nesting, cooperation and connection. Men tend to be focused on goals, ambitions, and being victorius.

September 30, 2001
6:32 am
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wallace
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Pill, I have often wondered, if we changed our focus, and become more goal orientated, would we achieve more in life and be less needy?

September 30, 2001
9:07 pm
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Molly
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CICI, sometimes I think god matched you up with a saint. The fact that you are so intuitive, and he is so accepting open, loving, trusting, just gotta be karmic paybacks for the hell you have gone through, I can only say bless your gifts, and wow, I am so glad for you and that which seems to be in your path. Joy.bliss,cooperation,communication, and not to limit, but to enhance.

September 30, 2001
9:09 pm
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Molly
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pam, some people never get it, they never comprehend concearn, love, trust, fear, sharing, yada. they just don't ever get it, its all about them and the moment. don't hurt for them, or him. not worthy.

October 1, 2001
10:14 am
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pill
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It's true what Molly said. It's all on their upbringing... they are never taught. Take my lover - PLEASE! Heh... he was never nurtured much growing, but both parents were very adventureous, creative and independent. That's exactly the way he is, but sometimes doesn't understand how to think beyond his own world, and about someone else.

Wallace, I think that women are and have been for ages, gravitating toward unity. That's why if only women ruled the world, it would be a soft a gushy place. This is not to say that it would alse be fair, united and strong in it's unity. However, a good expriment to try would be to pretend to be a man and think like a man, and see what happens. But do we already do that anyway? Can we all try reversing roles all the time, in order to balance things out?

October 2, 2001
8:32 pm
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Molly
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Sometimes I think that is the problem today, we are in the process of becomming an androgenous society, there is no man's role and no women's role, all the women, got tough, got to work play all the work war games, ditched the kids to day care, and wanted feeling from their man, but after years of being ignored don't listen to them either, its a controll thing, just like this new wave of stay at home dads, bless them a few don't have a clue, but have picked up cooking, and house cleaning, and neediness yet still have that warrior protective instince, that I think we have yet in general to achieve.
Otherwise some men just love to keep you on edge, its the drama, makes for good love making sessions. Get her really pissed off, keep the distance, get closer, beg for forgivness, make the promises, tell her what she means to you, and usually as soon as the sacks are empty, HE"S BACK. The behavior of a man with full sacks and with empty sacks are soooooooooooooo different.

October 3, 2001
6:01 pm
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pam g fu
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Molly

you are so right, but he feels like the woman has to still clean, wash clothes, etc. even though I work 40 hours a week also. But he as a male does nothing to help. So things are not like they use to be at all that is why so many working woman have maids come and clean or even live in maids. I don't see how i ever did it with two kids work and everything else, yes I do, i was younger.

October 4, 2001
12:44 pm
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pill
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Molly, I just throughly read your last post... I see this in men. The full vs. empty sack... needy and lovey when that NEED is strong. Then off to war when not...

To me, it's OK - that's the way men are and why we hetero women are so drawn...

October 4, 2001
2:18 pm
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Molly
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Yea,its the way they are, I guess they get to deal with PMS, and Menopause, and hehe, PMS was only a week, they thought they had problems then, 🙂

October 4, 2001
3:37 pm
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pam g fu
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yeah menopause can go on for years

October 4, 2001
3:51 pm
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pill
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Do new husbands know this? heh.

October 4, 2001
4:16 pm
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Molly
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sushhhhhhhhh don't tell them.

Did you see that movie, Friends, it made me cry, the one couple was getting divorced, and the other couple was trying to understand how he could give up the years together, he explained about getting older, and how his sweetheart was now having hot flashes, and the ending made you want to have hope in marriage.
My guy is going through some sort of different middle age crisis. he is driving me nuts, on top of all of our other crap. Its like my hot flashes make him feel old. He has recently been trying so hard to be a FRIEND, and do the male bonding thing with his son's and their friends, 21-27, that he is not only sounding foolish, but looks damn foolish to me. Keeps trying to suggest how kewl it is the blending of the generations, wonder how they feel when they are both, or all checking out the same 23 year old girl? I guess women are different, or most women, couldn't for the life of me think that my daughters and I would be after the same guy unless he is some 75 year old sugar daddy, but the young guys, don't think so. Strange breed God gave us. Must have something to do with that apple story.

October 4, 2001
5:08 pm
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pam g fu
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Molly,
my ex-husband went through the middle age crazies at 40 and it really changed him matter a fact it threw us farther apart. I believe they are worse than us when we get older, they really freak.

October 4, 2001
5:27 pm
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pill
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Why would someone "old" want to be intimate with someone "young"?

I think it's some kind of closure thing. Like the old person is accepting they can't go back, and that a new, albiet "older" portion of their lives is beginning. So, in order to check in and make sure of their footing, they get close just once more with youth, to be certain of how to head into old age.

If someone is REALLY scared of getting old, they will probably never leave the "check-in" station and remain with youth as long as youth will allow. Sadly in the end, youth will eventually reject the old geezer, unless of course his/her name is Rockerfeller or Trump.

Does this make sense to anyone?

October 4, 2001
8:07 pm
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Molly
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Sure it does, make sense that is. If I am not mistaken, I remember something about the Japanese culture, men went for younger women to steal their CHI, energy, like being with them made them younger. In a way that makes sense to me. Looking into the eyes of a 20 something nieve, yada yada, with all of her collegen, is lots different that looking into the eyes of a 40 or 50 something, that has been there and done that, with lots less collegen, unless she gets injections, but there is still that maturity thing, that I guess replaces the nieviety. yea, counting I guess this is his third or fourth midlife crisis, and its seperating us. I am sorry, but I can see what he is getting from hanging with the younger guys, but I guess another difference. I enjoy discussing things with women my own age, that understand what we have gone through raising kids, struggling with this and that and comming into a different bloom so to speak. Damn, I am free, don't have to worry about having children, or all of those things that you must do to create for them. Just wish I had a partner that was open to sharing that concept. But he wasn't there when his kids were growing up, and I guess perhaps on a maturity level is maybe with his equals. doing lots of soul searching this full moon. I have been playing a wait and see sorta thing with this reconcilliation thing, and i don't like what I am seeing. Truth is always revealed.

October 5, 2001
10:31 am
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pill
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It is a shame that some men don't see it until it's too late.

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