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Why can't men be honest?
May 25, 2005
10:06 am
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cinden528
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I spoke to my therapist yesterday and told her about how the guy had text messaged me and said he had an explanation and was sorry. She thinks I should hear the explanation and find out what happened before I make a judgment. I don't want to hear the expanation. How can I believe it is even the truth? Should I hear the explanation? Or is it a complete waste of my time?

May 25, 2005
10:36 am
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glittered when he walked
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Cinden.

well, if you are asking why you should listen to the his explanation I might answer by asking you "why shouldn't you listen to it?" and i don't mean that as a loaded question (i.e. not as judgment), but as an honest one so that you can explore your inventory of pros and cons in this matter.

What's the downside of hearing his explanation? It doesn't commit you to anything with him would it?

May 25, 2005
10:44 am
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codep
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I wouldn't bother with him anymore, atleast it was only a few dates and not a serious relationship. good to know now as you said. I know how you feel about the sensitivity part though, I am so sensitive to that. I went on "ONE" date with a guy, and he was going to call me the next day, well he never called and of course I wasnt going to call him. So about 2 weeks later he calls me drunk at 3am "come see me" "come see me" I was like "HEY you never called back, and then I hear his friend in the background saying how this guy was going down his list of "loser dates" trying to find a piece of a#% for the night. I hung up on him and never heard from him again. Guys can be such jerks, "but so can women" i have no room to speak I guess.......I feel your pain though!

May 25, 2005
10:47 am
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artist 2
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Cinden, ahem... but your therapist sounds like she wants the story to continue for the fun of it.

If he wants to apologize to you, does he have your phone number? He can get on the freakin phone and call, get what I mean? If he doesn't have the guts to do that, then he's not worth your time.

Why continue the drama with the guy? He made it plain before. Another woman is involved with him anyway. It's clear that you are stepping into a huge mess. Can you not see that?

Further more, a guy does not ask a woman to call him. If he does, he's not a man and not worth bothering with. A man will pursue a woman if he's interested enough. You just need to wait for that guy to come along. THIS one is not it.

May 25, 2005
10:56 am
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glittered when he walked
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well cinden,

I agree with your therpist when you said "She thinks I should hear the explanation and find out what happened before I make a judgment."

I think you should be deservedly skeptical of his explanation, but don't all us want to be given a fair shot at explaining.

I understand what artist2 is saying about "hey he should call you." But I am not so inclined to think your therapist is manipulating your life for her amusement. I think if your therpaist thinks you should hear and then dioscern for yourself I'd be inclined to agree. I am not telling you to build a relationship with this guy. Think of it this way,,suppose you hear his explanation and discover "his explanation isn't good enough to explain the behavior." you can walk away knowing you have been fair. there is strength in that.

May 25, 2005
11:42 am
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cinden528
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I don't want to call. If he had an explanation why didn't he just call and leave a message with the explanation. He hid behind a text message leaving it up to me to call him back. Ugh.

May 25, 2005
12:56 pm
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glittered when he walked
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He should call you if he wants to explain. I think all your therpaist was saying was that "if he wants to explain, let him explain and then judge." Did she advise you to call him? i didn't infer that from what you told us she said.

I don't think you should initiate his explanation. he should. can you send text messages? couldn't you reply by text message by saying something like "if u wnt to expln, then call me?"

You are not sending mixed signals. If you listen to his explanation then you can tell him "I've listened and I think
A. I can understand now what happened."
or B. I have heard you but your explanation does not excuse your behavior and I'm not interested in you any further at this time."

but yeah..he should initiate that conversation.

May 25, 2005
1:04 pm
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artist 2
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Glittered, thanks for being so succinct. This is good advice!

May 25, 2005
2:27 pm
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kathygy
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I wouldn't bother with him. He sounds like trouble. Let him call you and leave a message if he wants to explain. I would be highly suspect of his explanation.

May 25, 2005
2:51 pm
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Anonymous
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Personally, I don't believe that honesty is an issue of gender. I believe it is an issue of emotional and spiritual maturity, and integrity.

I'm all woman, and I have dome my share of being deceitful in some of my relationships...but at least I'm honest enough to admit it! 😉

Love to all,

Ren'ai

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