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Why can't men be honest?
May 22, 2005
7:11 pm
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cinden528
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I went out on a couple of dates with this guy and he asked me to call him to make plans on the weekend. When I called he didn't pick up. So I left a message. He never called me back. Instead I get a phone call later on from another woman telling me to stop calling him and that he was going out to dinner with her. Why couldn't he just tell me that he wasn't interested or seeing someone else? I feel embaressed and a little angry. Should I just say forget it and move one. I am a little hurt he didn't bother to call but let this other woman call.

May 22, 2005
7:46 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Im sorry hun that was terrible for him to do my guess he didnt have the cahoneys to face the music. He should have said that was fun but I dont think your my type or something. Just let him go if he isnt man enough to call you himself then he isnt worth it of course this is just my oppinion but i wouldnt give him a leg to stand on

May 22, 2005
8:11 pm
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cinden528
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I agree too. I am learning to just let things go but I guess I am way too sensitive. I just wonder if this is the norm.

May 22, 2005
8:14 pm
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exoticflower
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yes. men have no souls, only members that command them.

May 22, 2005
8:19 pm
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cinden528
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Thanks. I feel a little better. I am glad I found out now rather than later. I guess its my ego that hurts.

May 22, 2005
9:36 pm
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Deena
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cinden...I didn't read all of this...I just had to jump in and say men DO NOT have the ability to be honest! That's my opinion so please don't 'attack' me. They want to see how far they can get. Besides, they never tell you they are not interested, they want to keep you 'available' to them. I hate guys right now, can't you tell?

May 22, 2005
9:40 pm
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cinden528
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Yes. I hate them right now too. A friend of mine said the same thing. I guess I am tired of the games. Are there any good guys left? My last boyfriend lied, did a bunch of things behind my back....

May 22, 2005
10:18 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Cinden: I hope you are not considering calling him ever again. He obviously has something going with someone else so why he was bothering with you is questionable. Anyhow, he was doing some sort of dance, better to find out now than when you were more emotionally involved with him. And how would another woamn get your number unless she was there. He's a player, you bet. Its hard to trust any of them, isn't it? Sorry that happened. SD

May 22, 2005
10:24 pm
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cinden528
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I plan on NEVER calling him again. You are right, glad I found out now. Just feel like I had no respect. Just tell me yourself you are busy. He had some strange woman call me. Unbelievable.....

May 22, 2005
11:18 pm
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angel4U
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I label these types with a BIG "L" for LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Only an immature coward would have someone else call and od his dirty work ... or, itmay be that he got caught in the act of cheating in his girlfriend and she took it upon herself to call without him even knowing. In either of these cases, you don't want him, I promise you!!!

If you see him again, I would tell him directly what happened and ask him for an explanation. You'll know by his response (or non-response) what it was really all about. If he gets all fidgety and defensive right away, or disresectful to you, one of the above is most likely true. And if so, just be lucky you only had 2 dates before the truth was spilled ... some people aren't do lucky and don't find out that someone is dishonest until years later .. and then it's a LOT harder to untangle all the time and emotions you have invested.

Hang in there cinden, I am sure you will meet plenty of better guys for you!!!

angel4u

May 22, 2005
11:23 pm
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cinden528
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Thanks. You are right. Thank God I only went out on two dates. What he did was just low. What a jerk. I am glad I know the truth now before I got in too deep. It makes me more cautious and wary though of men.

May 23, 2005
7:41 am
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snuggly
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hi i know what you mean about being weary of men, the trouble is the more you get hurt the harder it is to move on ive been single 2 years since the last loser hurt me, and i dont think there is such thing as an honest man

May 23, 2005
7:56 am
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Rasputin
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I think that women tend to mature earlier and quicker than men. Why? I wish I could have an answer. The important thing is we do not/should not settle for less.

Also, I think it's a question of EDUCATION. I have one brother who is very different from me.

When I was requested to make my bed in the morning, tidy up, go to Sunday School... etc; he was requested Not to make his bed, not to tidy up, not to go to Sunday school, rather to relax and enjoy himself.

How can we expect men to behave like a gentleman, be honest, faithful etc when we as mothers/women do not treat them equally.

We should start with ourselves. We women should treat our sons/men in the same way we treat our daughters/women!!!

May 23, 2005
8:11 am
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Amazed
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THAT guy is a jerk. Sounds like he plays the field and got caught. Don't worry someday he'll get his!! What goes around comes around

BUT....

Do we have label ALL men because of this one???? That is a VERY unfair statement and one that is untrue. I hate to say it ladies but there are plenty of these kind of women as well. How many women do you know that are "testing the waters" and going out with several guys at once? How many of you have done that yourselves? How many times have you not returned a call or an e-mail because he just wasn't right. How many of you give out a wrong number? Isn't that the same.

Sure there is pain here and probably a good lesson. Which is really hard to swallow. I'm on board with that pain and wouldn't it be great to be able to do that back to him sometime but honestly he's not worth the pain nor the time.

Let's go put the time towards finding another one - they ARE out there - but if you are of the mindset that all men are this way then you are doomed to failure or unhappiness. Shake it off and go get em!!!! Don't give him the pleasure of making this hurt!

May 23, 2005
8:22 am
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Anam Cara
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I am a man - we suffer from gutless composure. We lnow that we can never satisfy the complex
nature of a women - so we hide behing the skirts of another women.
God help us! Have you women any idea of how difficult it is for us men.
We were born inadequat. Yet you find us interesting - its all your fault really yet you never blame yourself.
AC

May 23, 2005
9:07 am
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goldengirl
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some men can be honest with us and some can't. Move own with your life and consider it his lost.

May 23, 2005
10:35 am
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Foggy1
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There's always two sides to every story. Perhaps this woman intercepted the message, never relayed it and wanted you out of the picture. You never know.

There are plenty of dishonest women too. I agree though, move on, you don't need that kind of treatment.
Let him have her. You deserve a man who is loyal, and there are some out there.

May 23, 2005
10:45 am
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Worried_Dad
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Men cannot be honest because Eve the Temptress used her feminine wiles to get Adam to betray God with her and humanity has been sufferring the consequences of that original sin ever since. Yeah that's the ticket.

Oh, but dont' forget the classic "honey,I did it for YOU!"

Just kidding of course.

Some men are straight shooters, and some men are "players."

I would consider giving the guy a piece of your mind. He stands you up AND you have to get this humiliating phone call! Sheesh.

May 23, 2005
11:07 am
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cinden528
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Thank you so much for letting me vent and to have all your feedback. I was so upset yesterday. I just felt embaressed he didn't have the decency to tell me he wasn't interested. I'm just tired of the games. I know not all men are like this. Thank god I only went out a few times. I'm glad I didn't get entangled with him. He is a loser.

May 23, 2005
1:58 pm
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glittered when he walked
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Cinden,

Good for you. I understand your feelings of embarassemnt, but do know that you did nothing wrong. He failed to be forthright with you.

and you are wise to know that not all men are like that.

As i see it, calling either of them back would be a waste of time. You don't need their opinion of you for validation right?..who cares what they think. They are without importance in your life. but that's my response. What's right for you could something different.

May 23, 2005
2:13 pm
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kathygy
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There are plenty of men who are very honest. I would generalize from one who was dishonest with you. This says a lot about his character. What did was wrong. But for some reason you attracted him. Think back very carefully for red flags that you ignored. They were there. What is it about you that attacts a man like this? Its important to find out so it won't happen again and you'll attract healthier men.

May 23, 2005
3:19 pm
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cinden528
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ARRRGGGHHH! Unfreakingbelievable! He just text messaged me that he has an explanation and he is very sorry. How can I dip my cell phone in rubbing alcohol so his text message doesn't infect the rest of my phone?????? WHY did he have to do that? He is a jerk.

May 23, 2005
4:02 pm
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Deena
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ewe...Sounds like he is up to something>>>????

May 23, 2005
5:16 pm
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exoticflower
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Cin, what I said yesterday was very unfair, I had just heard something very hurtful from someone and belived he had been lying to me for years about loving me, and refering to the 'member' (ahem, you know, that one), it as in reference to him going out with a girl only two weeks after we have broken up and then going out of his way to tell me about it. That's HIS problem, not all mens problem. I was very upset and had no right to hold all men accountable for the way I felt about one of them in a fleeting moment.

I don't know many honest men, I admit, but I do know a few, and they are great guys. What you described was not such a lovely guy. Of course he could have been involved with another woman before meeting you or it could be his ex, but anyway, he should not have been dating if he was in a situation that has her that close to his life still if you didn't know it. That there is definately first date confessions before a second one is even suggested.

May 23, 2005
5:25 pm
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feather
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Hi cinden528,

Before you move on to another man try this excercise.

Think about the bad qualities your prior boyfriends have had. Now write a classified using those bad qualities to describe the man you are looking for.

Mine went something like this...

I am a single female very gentle and kind with an all forgiving nature. I am seeking to meet someone who will allow me to be an emotional punching bag for them... verbal abuse is great... emotional abuse is even better...please make sure that you will flirt heavily with other gals in my presence...get drunk and holler at me because you don't like the color of my eyes...use my money to cheat on me...take me out in the back yard and point a rifle at me and tell me that you need to shoot me because I am your enemy. I need you now and am willing to attach myself to you immediately. Signed by Codependent Forever.

I do daily reality checks now when I am dating someone. I don't always want to, especially when the chemistry is strong but it has gotten a whole lot easier to get out of a relationship when the first warning signs begin to pop up in front of my face.

Good Luck,

Feather

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