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Why - ask me?
February 28, 2004
7:42 pm
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Zinnie
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I have two funerals this weekend. I just came from the first. I had been asked to speak at both services. The one today was for my friend that I used to work with. She died on Thursday of Lou Gerhig's Disease. She was only 47 years old.

The other is for a little girl that sat with me on treatment days - she was one of my seat mates. She died Thursday morning before treatment - I wondered where she was, but just thought I would see her smiling bald face this Tuesday. I'll see her tomorrow for the last time; except when I see her in my mind.

Why did these families ask me to speak? I don't know, I'm really not any good at these things. I cannot ever give good reasons why our life goes on, I just know that it does.

I could not think of a speach to give today, I usually never can. So, I can only speak of the times I spent with the person and what I thought about them and why I loved them.

Today - I talked about my first day on the job at a new company, and the friendly lady from East Texas that had that thick TWANG to her voice that made me feel welcome. Who shared her recipes with me. Who came and sat with me during recovery time at the hospital - for a surgery that I had to have immediately - unplanned. One night staying until way past visiting hours - because my husband got stuck in bad weather, was in another city and could not get home to be with me. She made me laugh so hard that night, I actually popped a stitch on my incision. Who when my secretary was out with a broken leg, came back and helped me catch up on a month's worth of filing - so I would not be so far behind at the end of the quarter. Who was NEVER without full make up and hair done - when she left her bedroom. How, she was only diagnosed recently - not even a year ago. We laughed and said "couldn't happen to her - she had too much fun in life" - and packed up a car full of women to go to... as she said it "Essss-keeeee-moooooeee" Joe's in Oklahoma for hamburgers. To my friend that I saw in January for lunch and had to help her walk to and from the car, and knowing that maybe that damned Dr. did know what he was talking about when he said it would move fast. But, she still had on her bright pink lip stick - could not be seen without it.

Today - her daughter gave me a gold and pink pearl necklace. She said that when her Mother saw it, she said she wanted to buy it for me for my birthday in May. When her daughter asked why such an expensive gift? She replied "because she has been a pearl of a friend" - and how I'm looking at my necklace and crying remembering my friend.

I only hope I can make it through tomorrow.

February 28, 2004
9:33 pm
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pc girl
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Sympathy to you on your losses!! It seems to me the reason these families asked you to say some words is right there in the necklace...you were their friend!! You made their time on this earth nicer!! And now they don't feel any pain anymore....good luck to you on your day ahead!!

February 28, 2004
10:05 pm
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sweetpeach
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oh zinnia, i certainly do feel for your loss. people touch us in so so many ways. i to have just lost a dear friend two days ago to canceer.

February 28, 2004
10:54 pm
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Zinnie
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Thank you for your kind words - both of you.

Sweet Peach - I'm sorry for your loss. Although, when we are in this boat we know that we will lose friends that we meet along the way, especially in treatment - it is always harder to accept when it is a child.

I'm going to take some Bayer PM - and get some sleep.

Thank you for listening tonight.

Z.

February 29, 2004
12:53 am
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vixster
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Dear Z

I'm sure you went to bed with a heavy heart. I hope in the morning, you'll feel better and be able to get thru the day.

You are certainly loved by the people who asked you to speak, and I'm sure your words will be very comforting to them.

Take care - I'm praying for you and for the holy spirit to be with you when you speak.

February 29, 2004
8:53 am
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tooscared
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I'm praying for you too today Zinnie. This has been such a tough weekend for you on top of the fact that you don't feel very good yourself.

I agree with vixster that the people who asked you to speak did so because you are loved and you endear yourself to people. I pray that your words will soothe the parent's heavy hearts and in turn do the same for yours.

I know you are discouraged right now and tired. This is when your friends and family need to be your support and allow you to lean on our strength and love.

Love, TS

February 29, 2004
11:16 am
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boland
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(((((((big hugs zinnie)))))
they asked you to talk because they see the special amazing place you have in your heart, and because you are a great person, and mean a lot to them, stay strong zinnie, take care, thinking of you,

February 29, 2004
11:27 am
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el_nino
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Wow, I certainly do hope that you get to feeling better soon. Just remember that especially in cases like these, your friends do not have anymore of the pain or suffering that they were having to go through before. I know that doesn't make the pain go away, but isn't it wonderful to know that there trials and tribulations are over and they never again will have to feel hurt anymore? I'm praying for you and the families/friends of your loved ones.

February 29, 2004
12:43 pm
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Zinnie
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Thank you all.

I'm sitting here trying to think of something inspirational to say today, and I cannot think of a single thing.

So, I think I will again just say what I feel, and hopefully will not sound like a blithering idiot today.

I will talk about meeting Sarah a few months ago. She told me I should sit in the chair to the left of her, because it was a different color - before I realized she wanted the seat I had been given so she could watch the ducks outside in the pond.

How, when I realized that - I started bringing a loaf of bread on Tuesdays and Thursdays so that she and I could go feed the ducks before her Mom came back to pick her up.

She LOVED make up - even though she was only six years old. So, I bought her some pink lip gloss and nail polish - asked her Mommy if it was O.K. for her to have it, and she said "yes, and I'm glad you and she are friends, she really had a hard time going to treatment before." Now, it will be me having a hard time facing treatment without my little friend to talk to.

She made me a card when my twin grand-babies were born two weeks ago, she drew pictures of big hearts all over it.

She had her feelings hurt when she lost all of her hair and the kids at school made fun of her. She laughed when I told her they were just jealous because they did not look at cute with hair as she did without it.

She was only six, I'm going to miss my little friend.

February 29, 2004
12:52 pm
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boland
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zinnie wish i could help more... sarch sounds a wonderful girl, and is a really shame, you to sound like you helpped each other out, zinnie she will never leave you heart, no matter what you say it will be special and great and touch everyones heart and sarchs because you will be speaking from your heart zinnie, thats all thats matter, thinking of you zinnie,
((((((hugs))))))

February 29, 2004
6:30 pm
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tooscared
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I'm so sorry Zinnie that you are having to go through this and even more sad that Sarah didn't get to enjoy a long life on this earth. I know that the two of us are in the same time zone since we are in Texas and Oklahoma. I was thinking about you off and on today and praying for strength for you. God placed you in Sarah's life for a reason and you may never know just how much you truly blessed that little girl just by your love and your kindness.

Sending love, strength, and hope your way today Zinnie. Allow yourself to grieve over the loss of this precious little girl, but please realize how important you are to so many people in your own life. You touch many by your kind ways and inner spirit.

Love, TS

February 29, 2004
9:06 pm
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Zinnie
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Thank you all for your kindness and prayers.

I made it though today - and now I'm just going to rest.

March 4, 2004
8:35 am
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anne x
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