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Why Are Women Such B' To Each Other?
June 17, 2009
1:41 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Yesterday where I was working there were some signs up that had some words misspelled. Neccessary and Patience (Necesary and Patients). I asked the ladies in the office who wrote the flyer, and let them know that the words were misspelled. I thought I handled it in a nice way. I told them I used to be a teacher and if I had to spell neccessary I would have to look it up and spell check can't tell the difference on the patient/patience you mean. I thought I handled it fine. The guy I work for just called and told me not to make any more suggestions over there and to especially not handle anything woman to woman to let him handle it. Come on! I would appreciate someone keeping me from looking stupid.

Bitsy

June 17, 2009
1:53 pm
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caraway
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Bitsy,

The should be embarraeesed, or is that EMBARRASSED? Hard to believe that a Manager in 2009 would say something like, "not handle anything woman to woman to let him handle it."

You were trying to be thoughtful and I would have appreciated it, but I am a guy.

Cary

June 17, 2009
1:55 pm
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atalose
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It’s amazing isn’t it, makes you scratch your head and say WHAT?

It could have been a number of things that caused those ladies in the office to defend and complain rather then see appreciation.

What comes to mind is:

Insecurity……….

Unable to accept any type of criticism, constructive or not………..

Jealousy…………

Like anything else we have no control over if people wish to make an ass out of themselves or not. All we can do is just let emmmmm.

Now you know for next time, and you know there will be a next time, just go to the boss and say our company looks dumb again with the misspelled sign!!!!!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 17, 2009
3:30 pm
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Xerxes
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AH HA HA!!! A woman that I know better than approaching put a note on our refrigerator that said people should not help theirselves to other people's food. Boy did that make me want to. I work for a division where I am the only woman but am housed with another division that had 4 women up until a couple weeks ago. One of the women (my best friend) was escorted out of the building without any warning or write-up. They said it was her attitude which I admit can be harsh but she gets the job done. ANYWAY my boss said that he has always found that when you get 3 or more women working together there is bound to be back stabbing. I look back on my career of 20 years and have been lucky enough to always been in an office of just myself or one other woman. I have always preferred working with men over women for that b**ch reason.

June 17, 2009
6:24 pm
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Lanigirl
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It's odd how work situations breed such bad behavior. I thought when I escaped from office work to education that things would be better but it works out the same.

I just tried to put some new practices into play at work. One is to ignore the notices that come that day to tell us to get a task done that is impossible to complete in their timeframe. I was scrambling to complete the stuff and driving myself crazy when I noticed that no one else was taking it seriously. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but I want to learn some coping skills so I don't get the crazies.

June 17, 2009
10:44 pm
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lovinglife
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As a known misspeller myself oh gawd I would have been horrified if I had actually posted something for the office to see that contained obvious errors! But can say with about 99% certainty I would have laughed it off. And I wouldn't have ran off to tell MY supervisor or created drama out of it with other co-workers.

Now that other 1% of me....speaking from experience...The misspelling woman feels threatened by you (and/or others in general) in some way. Curious to know what kind of working relationship do the two of you have?

I also think your supervisor was very sexist in saying to leave the 'woman to woman' things to them. That basically was a cut down to you. However I personally wouldn't make an issue of it but do document the comment/convo. I also disagree with his/her advice - co-workers should attempt to work things out first with each other-the woman should have gone directly to you with her beef - not wasting a supervisors time unless it couldn't be worked it.

I'm in management - deal with this type of stuff way more than needs be... as women (generally its women) truly can be a bunch a bitches with/towards each other. It gets old and its been one of those things I've tried to curb, tried to educate ("we're professionals here"), tried to find the answer to on how to get it to stop - but to date my efforts have been in vain.

In an employee review I asked one of my top staff what does she think it is about her that keeps her out of the 'office drama', that all of her co-workers like her, they request to work with her and in a year+ I've never heard 'gossip' about her. She said she just stays out of it..when someone is talking- creating drama - she just nods her head, says very little...and unless she feels its something I need to know of importance - she just keeps it out of work. Smart co-worker there!

Question- why did you feel important/necessary to point out the spelling errors? I think in the example about the staff above - she would have left it to someone else to point out.

Now with all this said, I wished I could just nod my head and say very little... something I need to work on : )

June 17, 2009
11:00 pm
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onlyboringontheoutside
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Um, it's spelled "necessary". 🙂

The folks in the other department were probably feeling like they got caught with their pants down and they reacted badly. I don't think it's necessarily a woman:woman thing. Guys get just as grumpy about having their errors pointed out to them as gals do, in my experience.

Hope things get better for you.

June 17, 2009
11:03 pm
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lovinglife
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One more thing!

"I asked the ladies in the office who wrote the flyer..."

I think that may be where your problem started...not just simply pointing out the error but unintentionally pointing out who made the error.

I also think you handled it really well with giving the examples that you did about those two words. I would have probably done the same thing. You did nothing wrong...

Just take it as a valuable learning lesson in the office and move on. There will be plenty a more opportunity's to get yourself involved in this type of drama again- as your a woman and you work with women!

Next time say nothing and let your supervisors supervisor point out who the hell is putting up misspelled signs. Actually when you think about it- you saved your supervisor from looking like a fool.

June 17, 2009
11:10 pm
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lovinglife
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Guys do get gumpy as well but believe they handle things of the sort alot differently. I think their more apt to tell it like it is verses going to a supervisor.

If this would have been a grumpy misspelling man- he probably would confronted Bitsy not creating drama around it.

June 18, 2009
12:48 am
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Hepburn
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Hi Bitsy,

I agree with what atalose said. Now you know what those two are about. And the guy who said, "woman to woman"? He's probably had his fill of those two too. It also says a lot about HIS history with women.

I like to just think about people as people and not men vs. women. Or women vs. women, etc. But I know that's a pipe dream.

Unfortunately I've noticed through my years of having to make a living and just living in general, that a lot of people just don't CARE. It's sad really. The fact that you brought up their spelling mistakes, made them realize that they just didn't CARE, and they are lacking in self respect, otherwise they would've been more careful. So they had to justify it by bitching.

I work mostly with ALL men. But in the past when I've had to deal with a lot of women? It hasn't been a good experience. Way to much back stabbing.

June 18, 2009
11:23 am
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truthBtold
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Bitsy,

Well, I guess I have a little bit different take than the other posters.

Perhaps what you might have done was to simply ask who wrote the flyer and leave it at that.

Then kindly and discreetly (sp?) tell the person who wrote it that those two words were mispelled and that you too have to spell check from time to time.

As it stands now, you could be thought of as being on a kind of 'grammatical high horse" in a sense. The person who wrote that is probably feeling publically (sp?) humiliated as a result.

Just my honest slant.

June 19, 2009
9:02 am
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Just an update. This is a condo development that is being worked on. Most of the construction crew is Hispanic. None of the three women wrote the flyer. It was a guy who works with them. As it turns out (because I called the woman who I was told wrote the flyer to apologize to her if I offended her) it was written by a guy who works with them. They were all laughing and joking about it at "his" expense when my boss overheard them and made something of it.

As for the person who corrected me on necessary...I told them lady I was telling about the flyer that I couldn't spell it either without a dictionary, I just knew it looked wrong.

Once in college I wrote a research paper on the importance of spelling and how it was easy to fool spellcheck with they're, there, their and read, red, reed, etc. I intentially wrote the paper using the wrong words.

I thought I was being discreet. Live and learn. This is just the sort of thing that happens to me when I start venturing out trusting people again. I get my hand slapped.

Bitsy

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