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Why are some children bullies and others victims?
March 12, 2010
8:48 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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I was having this discussion with a friend today and I told her that I felt no need to befriend a mutual friend of a friend cause her child was a bully.

My friend became upset with that statement but not with me and said that some children are bullies and its not always the parents fault...I think it prolly is...

I am kind of curious here, is it the parents fault or are some kids just bad? This one womans daughter is very verbally abusive and yet she is the nicest person you ever met, she really is a sweet person, so how did her daughter end up so mean?

I am just curious...hopefully people can be nice and not get mad at me here, I truly want to understand and know why this happens and I am wondernig if my friend is right too?

March 12, 2010
9:11 pm
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saddoxie
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I really have no idea. I was always picked on in school but i have never met a bully's parents to even elaborate on this subject.
Maybe someone else can. Who knows???

March 12, 2010
9:14 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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I was always picked on growing up and later on, I always attracted bullies, it was due to my low self esteem and something they could just tell from me, that told them, you can be mean to me and she will allow that, I grew up in an abusive home where my parents and siblings were extremely abusive to me, I then allowed others to abuse this way, I know for a fact that it was my abuse that set me up for later abuse by my peers, I know that to be true for me in my heart of hearts, now I wonder what makes a person abusive to someone else? Why is this childs mother such a nice person but her child so mean?

March 12, 2010
9:48 pm
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onlyboringontheoutside
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Even in families, some kids wind up bullies, others the bullied. I think all kids start out being bullies, from a young age... they hit, bite, scream, demand. And maybe if they have success with those tactics early on, it just becomes ingrained and a habit because it works.

March 13, 2010
9:30 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Do you mean in healthy families? That is possible for a bully or a victim to come from good parenting? I was always abused growing up, I never hit back and for some reason, I would not return what done to me, sad too, I think I should of had better self esteem to hit back and defend myself...but anyway, I think I was a victim later on cause I was growing up one.

March 13, 2010
11:00 am
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atalose
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I think there are many reasons people who bully do so for many reasons. They may set out deliberately to bully or feel pleasured to bully. It may give them a sense of power. A person who bullies may not necessarily lack self-esteem or be insecure; many have average or above-average self-esteem. Their temperaments are more aggressive and they lack empathy. This can be caused by poor parenting and a lack of good role models, or be a personality trait that needs fostering in a positive direction.

They may feel upset or angry or feel they don’t fit in.

They want to seem tough and show off.

They may get bullied themselves by family members.

They’re scared of getting picked on so do it first.

If they don’t like themselves they may take it out on someone else.

They think they will become more popular.

Early intervention when bullying traits begin to appear I believe are key but many parents are too busy with their own lives and dysfunctions even if they don’t outwardly show dysfunctions, we all have them, too address it properly. Just my two cents…….

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 15, 2010
6:48 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I read something a long time ago and it's all about reaction. When something bad happens people feel sad. Some people (victims) moan and cry adn say why me? others (bullies)turn and try to make others feel just as bad as they do. then there are the so called 'sane' people who do neither and think, okay I can deal with this. (that one is not me)

March 15, 2010
6:51 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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can the parent be a good parent and yet raise a bully? Can a child just be bad and it not be the parents fault and is it always the parents? Just wondering here...thanks...

I have limited access to this as I am at libary for access, so I can't always check in as much as I like too, thanks for posting!

March 15, 2010
7:13 pm
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onlyboringontheoutside
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If you really are just curious, I'm sure that there are many parenting sites that can give you more scientific results about what happens to make a child into a bully than the opinions of a bunch of strangers in a counseling forum. :0)

What is your underlying motivation for asking this question, barefootgirl? Are is really just curiosity, or is something else going on?

March 15, 2010
7:16 pm
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onlyboringontheoutside
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English... I speak it, really I do. *sigh*

I meant to say... "Is it really just curiosity, or is something else going on?"

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