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Why are Men Afraid To Commit?
January 25, 2005
9:22 pm
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JohnMurphy
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"What do you think about starting a new thread?"

OK. I think about it. You might help me with choosing a fixed name to it. One we can re-start a lot of times and never get lost. One that provides a free space to expression of feelings, even those we think we don't want to experience.

One in which participants encourage each other to continue walking the path to freedom.

I think that anonimity is a good policy, as it can 'loosen' protective schemes that prevent us from getting in touch with our feelings.

January 25, 2005
9:26 pm
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JohnMurphy
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I have to go now. See you tomorrow.

January 25, 2005
9:30 pm
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sewunique
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sounds great. will think about it. Have a good evening!

January 25, 2005
9:54 pm
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Worried_Dad
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I read this...maybe it was Dave Barry...

See, a guy will cling to the fantasy that maybe, just maybe, he might one day be invited to party in a hot tub full of naked supermodel girls.

And if he's weighted down with the old ball-and-chain when that invitation comes, then he will kick himself. Best not to take that chance.

Having personally enjoyed the experience of the hot tub full of naked supermodels, I can say that there is a drawback to this fantasy.

See, those naked hot tub supermodels....are all afraid to commit.

January 25, 2005
10:58 pm
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sewunique
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WD,

Where have you been? Perhaps soaking in a bubbly hot tub? Since all we have is the visual imagery between these lines, one's mind may wander. Whether supermodel or not, there is more to offer here than the visual.

Indeed, it's good to 'see' you here again.

January 26, 2005
2:46 pm
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on my way
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WD, this says it perfectly, and very easy to understand. Sometimes us females just can't comprehend the mind of it, but this is helpful for me anyway! Makes absolutely perfect sense.

January 26, 2005
3:31 pm
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sewunique
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Artist: Caffeine
Song: Ball And Chain
Where were you when times were tough
Where were you when I'd had enough
Were you there when I was down
I was there and I saw you frown
I was there when you were sad
And every little thing made you feel so bad
[Ooooh I was there]
Now I'm here at home
In this room with no doors
And the walls are closing in
And I feel so alone

[I feel so alone]
Got to break free
[I feel so alone]
From this ball and chain
[I feel so alone, so alone]
From this ball and chain

WD,

Is this the song you were referring to?

I believe people of both sexes can commit, and remain happy. Happy as much as life is or can be, whether single or 'attached".

What commitment is, to our own understading, holding to that idea, and understading of the same idea of what commitment means to both persons in that relationship, is crutual. If aggreement and desire are there with both parties, it can happen. If the relationship is 'right' for both, it can happen. If we have our minds screwed on right and our hearts mended, it can happen.

Now, where is that Mr/Ms Right? Part of the key to life's mystery.

I guess I still believe love and commitment is possible. A romantic? Perhaps. Will it happen for me? Don't know. Will I mess it up again if it ever gives me another opportunity? Don't know til I get there, if it ever happens. But I still believe it is out there. I do see it. Small percentage of popultaion. Lucky for them.

Sew

February 6, 2005
6:41 am
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Hollie
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Haha...Worried Dad...I like your posts..funny..haha...

While that would be a very valid concern guys might have for avoiding commitment...but this is what I got from the guy who refused a relationship offer from me...

He thinks that somehow...having a relationship would hinder his ultimate goal in life which is to make an impact on society...and he thinks that being in a relationship would just make him seem all the more normal..

Basically any form of contraint on his freedom scares the crap out of him...and any possible form of emotional liability...

Basically...no matter what how "noble" a guy's supposed reason is for not committing...and what I'd like to believe as someone who was recently unable to obtain a commitment...the most simple...and clear-cut reason is the he isn't sufficiently interested...
I mean...we sit here and analyze all the possible reasons that a guy doesn't want to commit..because we want to comfort ourselves into thinking that although he is interested...there are all these weird sort of other factors that's causing him not to commit...when basically...he just doesn't want to because we are not the one...

Instead of trying to analyze and comfort ourselves by imagining all these understandable reasons why he doesn't want to commit..it's easier...healthier..and ultimately better to just recognize that he wasn't that interested and start the getting over his ass process...

Now looking back...I didn't even really like him anymore than he liked me...so it was basically fair...
Just the fact that I am a girl makes me want a relationship because it somehow validates the physical stuff...so that I didn't feel used somehow...
I mean honestly though...if he asked me for a commitment first...I'd probably hesitate as well...

February 6, 2005
6:45 am
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Hollie
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Hehe..kind of comforting to know that this thread has so many posts...because it must mean that many women identify with the problem of having experienced a guy that didn't want to commit...

Universal female problem...lol...

February 6, 2005
9:24 am
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JohnMurphy
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"Instead of trying to analyze and comfort ourselves by imagining all these understandable reasons why he doesn't want to commit..it's easier...healthier..and ultimately better to just recognize that he wasn't that interested and start the getting over his ass process..."

Yes. It's all not as important as how you feel about he not wanting to commit with you.

February 6, 2005
9:31 am
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GullyFoyle
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Hollie,

He might regret it someday. I still regret leaving one particular woman. We clicked, it was there, we were soulmates. But like this guy, my male ego got in the way. And so I left.

We have since re-connected, this woman and I. It was like the time has not passed. But it has. We both have personal issues that have taken so much out of us. I did find out, however, that you can have more than one soulmate.

Scratch one myth.

Let time take care of it, Hollie. It'll be okay.

Gully

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